My mother-in-law is too wicked.I want to kill myself.?

Question

My mother-in-law is very wicked.She acts innocent in front of my husband and when he /others are not there she taunts me and says stuff that hurt me(saying that she can't stand me etc).She enjoys taunting me a lot in front of people as though she wants to see my reaction.I cook food(full fledged) for my bro and sis -inlaw and husband even though i am working lady and now that she has come here she keeps taunting me saying that how weak everybody has become without her..I feel very bad even though I have tried my best to keep them healthy.I dont know how to control my anger when she irritates me in so many ways.I wish I had a filter in my ear whenever she talks non sense.I don't want o act like her and teach her a lesson.Is there a soft way ?I feel like killing myself sometimes.She is too wicked.What do I do?

Answer 1

There is a saying: He who angers you controls you.
The reason she taunts you is because of her own low self esteem. It makes her feel superior to taunt someone else to give her a false sense of superiority. She taunts you because you react to it. There is something missing in her life, something she can't control. You are the weak link that keeps her going with her taunts.

What to do? Change your tactics. Don't react as you usually do. Agree with her (when no one is around) Say things like "I suppose you're right. What would you suggest that I do to improve my situation?" In this way you are throwing the ball back in her court and she has to do something with it. Either answer you or try another taunt. Do this with all the graciousness you can muster. It will take courage. I like to think of it as "killing them with kindness."
Get this book: How to win friends and influence people. It is a great book for learning how to manipulate people and how to influence them. Not a manipulation for anger or retribution but using their energy for your purpose. It is an amazing book. There are so many relational building secrets in there that you can start utilizing right away. Just don't let her know that you are reading it. You don't want her to know all your secrets.

You obviously have discovered that trying to get back at her doesn't work, in fact it just energizes her to feed more of her anger into you. So don't hesitate. Get the book and read it. I think it is still available at Amazon.com

Good luck,

Answer 2

Tough call. Using your children to manipulate the rest of the family isn't exactly a new idea but it isn't going to endear you either. If she bad raps you to your own children... sure, cut her loose. Being their grandmother doesn't give her the right to brainwash them against their own mother. I'm curious that your husband has allowed this to go on. It's the anger in the situation that needs to be defused. Including your anger with your husband. Many people aren't delighted with their in-laws. Helps make the world go around. What you have said suggests that your MIL has some serious issues that aren't really about you at all. Perhaps they are medical issues. Perhaps if you focused on that, instead of her cruel words (ok, hard to do), you could take the stance that you are concerned for her and concerned for your children around her because she isn't capable of filtering her words and emotions. Suggest to your husband that he take a good look at his mother through the eyes of an adult and find out what is happening to her. She doesn't sound safe.

Answer 3

Don't be crazy if you kill yourself she would win and you know that, that is the last thing that you want. You should try giving her what she deserves make her not want to come around or anything. God gave you a brain to think up come backs you should taunt her back. When she is staying you should give her things that she is allergic to in her food and make sure she can't sleep. You must think of the things that would upset and annoy her into not coming back trying to intimidate you in your own home. You should watch the move Monster-in-law and realize that two could play at that game. She needs to undertstan that she is coming to your home and she should respect you and your home. Stand up for yourself and let her know who is the woman of the house.

Answer 4

Your mother-in-law has some serious separation anxiety issues, plus she feels threatened by your nurturing instincts toward her children. She isn't happy that you're taking care of everyone. She wants to be the one taking care of everyone. I would stand up for my self if I were you, but not maliciously. Example: when your mother-in-law tells you she can't stand you. Simply say the feeling is mutual. Don't repeat the mean words just always say things like ditto, likewise, etc. Hopefully this will stop her, but if not the next time she says something mean to you then in her presence say positive things to yourself out loud like: "It's okay (your name) don't feel bad you know you're a good person."

Answer 5

try to record it somehow. like if you have a cell phone or something.
Otherwise, tune her off. Shut down on her, go into a zen like state. . You have control over your self. She is the one who has troubles......so if you react to her, you are lowering yourself to her level. Do n't do it.
Walk out of a room if you have to. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, make sure you are never alone in a room with her.

You can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. And that will take some mind control on your part. It will be worth it to save your saniety.

Answer 6

for Gods sake girl , get a grip of yourself. She isn't worth killing yourself over. next time she makes a snide remark, just say back to her that at least you know you are loved by your family and don't have to say wicked things just to get someones attention. Or maybe say, your just jealous cause i have all the beauty to go along with the brains. something like that. or just ask her what her problem is. Is she so jealous of you that the only way she can get a reaction out of you is to say mean things.

Answer 7

If your husband allows her to be this way towards his wife, then she will continue.I would never put up with a wicked person. Some-one has to defend you publicly for her to stop.Why kill yourself? When she starts acting stupid, either walk away or turn around and tell her"I refuse to allow you to talk to me like this anymore". Walk away, get in your car and leave.She will not win that argument, it will embarass her.Don't make her life easy.....

Answer 8

I have inlaws that way.LOOK your just going to half to stay a way from her. TAlk to some one else.READ a book .OR leave the room. OR dont go at all.---OR do get a tape recorder.HAVE some one wire you. THEN durning family gatherings play the tape 4 all to hear.

Answer 9

treat her like she treats you, if she cant be nice to you...why should you be nice to her...grrrrr i hate people like that....if she is coming into your home then she should respect you...talk to your hubby about her nasty comments and tell him that if this continues then you will not allow her into your home again....get he wicked b*itch and tell her exactly what you think of her...the cheeky cow, i had a MIL just like her, cant stand the old boot...if i see her i ignore her, she's a nasty old witch who's bitter and twisted...give her an ear full and tell her to drop he attitude, she souns like a bully to me, play her at her own gme, let her see the other side of you...or go one better, when she comes to visit...hide a small recorder in the home and tape her, then play it back to your husband and show him what a horrible mother he has....you cannot have her in your house disrespecting you like that....ban her from your home and say goodbye to the horrible old skank

Answer 10

Get a tape recorder or a voice recorder and record her saying those things. Show them to your husband. Tell him "Look. I didn't want to bother you with this, but it's getting worse and worse. It makes me feel badly, but I can't tell her because she just gloats."
If he still sides with her, there's a serious problem.