My son is constantly pulling on and tripping and grabbing my 11 month old daughter. It seems he just needs extra attention which I try to give him but its difficult when the baby demands so much of my time. We've tried timeouts and spanking but nothing seems to bother him too much. He's very sweet to her a lot of the time but shes just starting to walk and it must be frusterating getting tripped all the time!! I would appreciate ANY suggestions!
2006-10-22 17:23:58 · 14 answers · asked by amandavictoria 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You are correct in knowing this is a jealousy issue. Try to spend one on one time with your 4 year old everyday, for at least an hour if you can spare it. He is feeling rejected and is acting out. He needs to feel like he is still your baby, too. But, of course, it is not ok for him to be tripping your daughter. so use consistent dicipline to stop that. Good Luck!
2006-10-22 17:27:11 · answer #1 · answered by The Nag 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you praised him at the times he's being sweet? He probably trips her and all to get some attention. If you make a fuss when he's being nice, it might help. You can elnist his help in teaching her new things. Tell him how important he is to her as the big brother, that she needs his protection and guidance because she's so small and can't do all the things a big kid can. He can pick out what she wears and help get her dressed. Let him pick which park he thinks she'll have the most fun at and then take his advice. Get him more involved.
Tell him often that he's your favorite son (he might not get it right away). Also, make some time each week or so, when he can have mom all to himself. Maybe Daddy or a grandparent can watch your daughter for a couple of hours and you two can have some special time together. I do this with my own kids and it really helps keep us in touch and up to date on what's going on in school and with friends as well as just having fun together. Spend a little one on one time with him while baby is napping, too.
It's important for him to know that he still has at least half of the spotlight. Look at it from his perspective - everyone's so excited and fussing over baby sister starting to walk, right? Of course they are, it's a huge milestone! But he feels lost in the shuffle so maybe tripping her will suck some of the excitement out of it. Plus, it takes attention away from her and directs it at him. Try some positive reinforcement and you should be able to direct him down the right path. If you need to administer a timeout, talk with him after things calm down and try to help him talk about why he behaved that way. If he's angry, you need to help him through it before baby gets hurt. Good luck!
2006-10-22 17:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by Chocoholic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great anwsers. You really should involve him in the baby duties without making him feel like he has to. If he keeps getting punished for the things he does to his sister he could really act out and then that will be a big problem. Of course he cant get away with being mean. So you have to find a happy median where he knows hes doing wrong and knows it is not acceptable behavior, and also so he doesnt resent his new baby. It takes a lot of time and devotion. I lay out a blanket on the floor and we sit on it together with toys. I teach my 4 yr old son about sharing and teaching his baby brother who is 7 months, how to talk and play and crawl..etc. He loves the idea of being the big brother who teaches and the meaness is really improving. He is really starting to bond with his little brother and he sings him songs all he time.
2006-10-22 17:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by Becky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop the time outs and spankings. These punishments will only cause more resentment and anger. It is very common for children to be jealous of the newborn. He was the center of your world for 3 years and now he has to share you. He is feeling powerless. I know it’s hard but take a little time everyday to show you're love. When baby is sleeping, read him a story, do an art project , have him help you make a snack or dinner, and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help mommy make dinner, help with the baby...getting a diaper, help with feeding or a bath, let him pick out baby's outfit...).
When he is aggressive to the baby, be overly dramatic about it. Rush to your daughter and pick her up. Empathize. “Ouch! That must have hurt! Let me give you some hugs and kisses to help you feel better.” Shut you son out. He will not like the feeling of being left out. If he continues, get down to his level and say “Don’t hurt your sister.” Take him gently to a quiet area away from the baby (his room, the couch) and say “When you are ready to be gentle then you can come back with us. This is not a time out because you are not giving him a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when HE is ready to control himself.
Empathize with you son when he is calm. “I can tell you are feeling (hurt, angry, left-out, frustrated, mad). How can I help you with that?” He will learn to express his feeling rather than be aggressive.
Help him to gain confidence by saying things like "You can run super fast! You did that by yourself. Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on your painting!" Let him know that you notice or “see” him. This is a great way to show attention and love, will help him to feel confident, and help him to feel powerful in a positive way.
Tell him that he is so lucky because he is a big brother (maybe even get him a big brother shirt). He can do so much more than a baby because he is older. If he keeps getting messages like these, he should start to feel more confident in his new world. Best of luck to you!
2006-10-23 10:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try giving him a special "mommy and son" time together where he picks out what to do. Have someone watch your daughter while you are doing this. Go see a movie or go to a restaurant, pick out a new toy, sing and dance, play a game, or just be plain out silly together!
Also explain to him that you still love him to pieces even though his sissy is here. Tell him you love him and his sissy so much. Make sure you explain that its not nice to hit or hurt his sissy.
Oh, another thing I just came up with... have time with them together where he gets to be a "big boy helper", like if she needs her diaper changed he can get the diaper, powder, butt cream, etc, and then he can throw the diaper away. Or maybe he can help you feed her (with your supervision of course). Try being all out silly together to entertain your daughter, so she's getting in on the fun too while you're being silly with your son. Or maybe you and him can play peekaboo with her. Make sure you let him know how much he is appreciated and how much of a big boy and a great brother he is! And put your daughter into perspective and tell him how much sissy loves him.
Good luck!
2006-10-22 21:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the poor little guy's been "dethroned" and he's probably jealous of his sister's newer accomplishments. You may need to set aside extra time with your son and try rewarding him when you catch him being good. He obviously feeds off of the negative attention and he will do the same for positive attention. As for tripping, you should lay down the law about how dangerous it is and how little sisters will have to go to the doctor for being tripped. This to shall pass and he will grow out of it!
2006-10-22 20:40:09 · answer #6 · answered by lynnguys 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should keep some special time with your son and do something just with him, even if its only giving him his bath or reading him a story. He must feel that you're still HIS too. And give him responsabilities with his baby sister, he has to know that he is the older one and that she needs his protection. Give him a 'job', that will make him feel extra special and important! Good luck!
2006-10-22 17:37:00 · answer #7 · answered by pegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 4 year needs to feel like he is accomplishing something and by getting into trouble he is. Let hem help with the daily tasks but dont force him. constant encouragement reeally helps. He will continue this behaviour as long as it get attention so spend more time focusing on the things he is doing right and less on the bad and he will learn that he gets more attention for good things.
2006-10-22 17:35:04 · answer #8 · answered by zolnux 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you're teaching your son to hit? And when he starts hitting the baby what are you going to do? Hitting/violence/abuse is something LEARNED, a child is not born knowing how to hit. The reason time outs don't "seem" to work is you've given up on them. You didn't give them a chance to work. It's not going to happen over night, sometimes it takes weeks even months. You have to be patient and consistent...instead you've resorted to hitting him. I'd be very interested to find out how in the months to come how this manifests itself in his behaviior with the baby.
2006-10-22 18:04:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It looks like he in simple terms needs to be on sturdy words with you. it quite is completely popular for a brother to need to be on the factor of his sister. perchance you may tell him that once he makes use of the be conscious gay innappropirately, it bothers you, or offends you and see how he reacts. You adult males are relatives, so perchance you may attempt to be nicer to him
2016-10-16 07:06:51 · answer #10 · answered by rybicki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋