Disicpline help for 4 year old with ADHD?

Question

My 4 year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. We were in the process of getting him on medication and working on a behavior modification system when we lost our insurance. I have adjusted and can deal with the hyperactivity, inattentivness, but the not listening and tantrums are getting so much worse. I love him to death, after all he is my flesh and blood. I feel horrible saying this, but it is to the point I cannot stand him anymore. He usually has several 20-45 minute tantrums a day. He gets violent towards my husband and me during them. I can only imagine what the neighbors think, since I know for a fact you can hear him several doors down. If anyone has been there and can relate I would love some advice. Disicpline tips and what you do..what works and what doesnt work would be great. I am at my wits end and just want my little sweet boy back...... : ( Thanks.

Answer 1

Sorry I can't help but this guy has written several books on ADHD and maybe there is some advice at this website:

www.thomhartmann.com

Answer 2

You did nothing wrong. ADHD is an inborn disorder, you did nothing to cause it. It is just as impossible to control as the color of your babies hair or eyes or how tall they are. She is not too young to be diagnosed with this condition as it is an inborn condition, children have it right from birth so 4 is definatly not too young. It is rare to have a 4 year old diagnosed for a few reasons first of all because they are not yet in formal schooling they are not yet in an environement where they have to concentrate or sit still, or behave in large groups and are not being as frequently compared to kids the same age. It is not that the problems arent there it is just that they are less obvious. But for those kids with more severe ADHD it can be obvious, so just because most are not diagnosed so young it does not mean that many are. You will hear a lot of people say "but little kids are just like that". And thats true they are, the brain immaturities of little kids are similar to ADHD. The difference is most little kids will grow out of it, while those with ADHD wont. A skilled doctor will be easily able to tell the difference between normal immature 4 year old behavior and true ADHD which will be more developmentally appropriate to a toddler trather than a 4 year old. It sounds like the diagnosis was very thourough, but if you have any doubts there is noithing to stop you from getting a second opinion. Most clever parents do this when their child is diagnosed to make sure they have the most correct diagnosis. There are many, many advantages to having your child diagnosed and treated young. Kids who are diagnosed later (say 7 or 8 years of age) will first have to go throough several years of school before their problems are understood, in this time they may fail to learn which will put them behind for many, many years. they may get into lots of trouble and their self esteem can be permanatly damaged. By being diagnosed young your child will get a better education. Also research has shown that the earlier a child's ADHD is diagnosed and recognised the better the outcome for the child. The more likely they will go on to complete high school and even college and go on to lead successful adult lives. Finally labelling your child can be a very positive thing. As ADHD kids get older they become more and more aware of how different they are to other kids. If they are not labelled with the correct label (in this case ADHD) then people will think of plenty of other labels to attach top them like naughty, lazy, defiant, and so on. these labels can be extremely hurtful and carried for the rest of their lives. Anyone who hasn't lived with and dealt closely with an ADHD child can't understand what a challenge it is. You did the right thing.

Answer 3

Wow, that's a tough situation, I really feel for you. Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with ADHD without turning to drugs. Behavior management generally has great success, and you can find numerous books on the topic at any library or bookstore. It is important to remember not to bargain with your son--don't back off to get him to stop a tantrum, and don't make deals. In fact, it is usually best to totally ignore him when he throws a tantrum. If he sees that the result he desires is not what he's getting, he will try another motive. Eventually he will see that you respond to his good behavior, and will figure out the rest from there. It's also a good idea to keep him in a regular routine, even on weekends. Make sure he always goes to bed around the same time (no staying up late on weekends), and gets up at around the same time. This will regulate his circadian rhythm (sleep pattern), and will keep him feeling well. Be sure to schedule exercise into his schedule every day, even if it's just going outside and running around the yard for a while.

Remember, IGNORE the behaviors you don't want. Don't even yell when he throws a tantrum--in his mind, negative attention is better than no attention at all. It's going to be pretty tough for the first couple of weeks, but I can virtually guarantee that you will start to see positive results if you stick with the plan. These are only the first couple of steps--I strongly suggest that you get some books on coping with ADHD without medication. It CAN be done!

Answer 4

4 is too young for meds. I have seen the chart of behaviors that doctors use to diagnose ADD and 9 out of 10 four year olds qualify.
You need to get him into an early start education program. They can help you establish a medicine free discipline system. Remember, discipline is not just correcting bad behavior, it is reinforcing and expecting good behavior.
Early Start can also teach you restraining holds for violent temper tantrums. My daughter went through this phase as well at the age of 2. Since I was trained in holds, I was able to help her calm her body while keeping her and others safe.
You sit your child in your lap while you sit indian style on the floor. You cross your childs are in front of them and hold their wrists. The only thing you say is "when your body is calm, I will let go." If you struggle or say anything else, you have turned this into a wrestling match- not a lesson in calming down. You should be absolutely quiet except that one, calm phrase. When he is quiet and his body is still (could be five minutes- could be an hour) thank him for settling down. In a quiet voice talk about words and actions you can do to replace the tantrum. Then act it out. Give him the words he should say and ask him to repeat. It only took about four tantrums for my daughter to get the picture. Never threaten to restrain. It is not punishment or agressive.
As for the inattentiveness and not listening- make a chart with ears, hands, and a mouth. When you have good ears, you get a sticker. Same for nice hands and nice words. After 10 stickers you get a prize. Make sure he gets 10 stickers the first day, or the chart won't work. Never take stickers away from a child with temper issues. Get everyone excited about the chart. Call Dad. Call Grandma. Call Bob the Builder.
With consistant, calm discipline, your son will be fine. Remember- it gets worse before it gets better. Your child will test the limits before submitting. Good luck.

Answer 5

First, I hope you had him thoroughly diagnosed - to a neurologist for a brain scan and other tests, and tested by psychiatrist/psychologist specifically with a specialty in this. There's more to diagnosing than just that the child is "hyperactive". Sometimes, that's just being a boy!
Actually, tantrums are not a part of ADD, that's more of a discipline problem. You need to get into positive reinforcement, have him on a strict schedule, and create a better family environment for everyone.

Answer 6

first off i want to say i am m not against medicating, if it is needed, but as far as your child only being 4, this concerns me, casue my daughter is 5 and we thought she might be adhd, and found out that she had another problem that was COMMONLY mistaken for ADHA. If you do not have ins, you might want to try to get your child on some type of ins through your state, your child needs ins! My daughter does the same exact things you are describing your son does, but they have found out that my daughter had sleep apnea, which is very often mistaken for ADHA, you can answer a few questions your self and see if maybe for sure this might be part of the problem, most doctors and teachers don't realize this. First off, listen to your child when he sleeps, Does he snore? If he does Talk to you Dr. asap!! you can also read on webmd about this. When they started telling me about ADHA and her having sleep apnea, i started reading and found out a lot of information. I hope I helped, and i hope you find when help you need with your son!! I know how stressful it can be

Answer 7

ok first of all what you never ever ever gotta do is spanking..you dont know how bad it is..whenever he throw a tantrum give him a big hug and a kiss and say "stop baby"..give him love all the time like hugs and kisses never yell at him or something..time out and other thing wont even work either..whenever he throw a tantrum for something very polietly say to him NO and than divert his mind to other things like t.v..whenever hes no throwing tantrum play tickling games with him so he stay happy,in this way he will throw tantrums less..

Answer 8

there is really no way to discipline a child with adhd what you do instead of spanking them is you try to figure out what is wrong with him and even if you have no medical you still have to take him to the doctor, you can not let him react like this because if you let it go he will get worse. the best thing to do is take him out spend more time with him and make him feel more alive and wanted every day don't make him feel left out because that may also be the problem he might feel left out. best of luck

Answer 9

ok you might think this is crazy but try giving him coffee. Supposably it gives a reverse affect on kids with adhd. but at his age not too much cause it might stunt his growth lol j/k give him splenda and milk in it and make it just sweet enough that he will like it. and this could settle him down a bit

Answer 10

I have the same problem with my 22yr old I just keep him in his room & take away his favorite things when he was younger I called the cops & they put a scare in him so he has never laid a hand on us again affaid of going 2 jail they knew what was up when we called them they were very understanding my neighbors called DCF on us alot but now the state doesn't come around cause he calls them names lol.Hope this helps.Good Luck