My boyfriend is a loser right now. He has no car, no job, no house...nothing. He is 23 years old. He is always talking about how he is gonna do big things but he is doing nothing with himself. He is in school but he won't graduate any time soon (if he does graduate). I know you are wondering why am i even with him...but the truth is... i love this guy. I have know him since high school and we just click. I'm just scared of what the future holds. Lately he has been talking about marriage and kids. I want to be married to a guy that i can depend on and that I can be proud of. I don't want the father of my children to be a weed-smoking loser. Is there any chance that he will turn someone I don't have to be scared to marry?
2006-10-22 16:52:36 · 23 answers · asked by Patrice B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If at age 23 he has no direction.....no plan to get where he wants to go......and not trying to get there he will not change any time soon. We all face uncertainty and sometime have no real feel of what our next step might be. But bring drugs into the picture and it is straight down hill.
Encourage him to continue with school. Ask how he intends to get to those great things he promises. Put his feet to the fire and insist he explains why he is not looking for a job....doing drugs....not trying to find his way. It is possible with enough of the right pressure from you he may change and begin to do the right thing. All depends on how much he values you and your opinion.
But NEVER.....EVER... get married to him until he has proven himself. If you do with only a hope you will be very sorry. Once married he will have no more incentive to better himself just to hold onto you.
And the very first thing you must insist on is no more drugs. Period.
And remember this........if you...his girlfriend.....is calling him a loser.....what makes you think that will change on it's own.
2006-10-22 17:09:54 · answer #1 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, many guys talk big....but at the end, they're just words....he's probably just trying to impress you, there's no way you can depend on a guy like that.....and don't even try to change him, because it's IMPOSSIBLE to change guys.....If he's not making real goals for himself or ever planning to graduate or get a car, career......you can't make him do anything....if he wants to do it, he will, but it won't be cause you ask him.....he probably is the kind of guy that likes to depend on girls!! And being scared in a relationship is not a good sign, I don't blame you for being afraid.....and that's why my advice would be to talk to him straight and tell him how you feel, and if he doesn't do something with himself, then leave him!! Good Luck
2006-10-22 17:22:46 · answer #2 · answered by hey_amt95 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run like hell. There are so many men to choose from why suck around with him anyhow. Get going run...and while you're running, exactly what is it that you do. Are you good marriage material. Maybe you're too young for it..why not work on something else right now..like education, career etc. instead of marriage and baby making especially with as you say a weed smoking loser. But then as I said, how much of a winner are you?
2006-10-22 16:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by Greanwitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be fair people do change. Maybe he's just not motivated enough! Try finding out what he's interested in, really interested in doing with his life and make some moves with him to point him in the right direction. You know that saying behind every successful man there is a strong woman. It's kind of our duty to nudge our men a bit when they seem stuck in a rut. If you love him give him the nudge he needs. Now if he doesn't budge and keeps toking then Sister bounce and bounce fast...he's not going to move forward until he's good and ready and that will only keep you stagnant too. Good luck.
2006-10-22 16:57:30 · answer #4 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you have to go through this! I went through the same thing. I was absolutely in love with my ex, but he was a total loser and I didn't want to see that. I waited 5 years for him to change, but he never did. Leaving him was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, but I think we are both better people for it. I eventually moved on, and now I am happy with someone who I can both depend on and be proud of. Good luck!
2006-10-22 17:08:49 · answer #5 · answered by Hula_Bear 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope. He's 23 and still hasn't grown out of a high-school mentality. Move on. Good for you for looking into the future and realizing your kids deserve a better life. Go out in the world, on your own, become a success, and you'll attract a wonderful man.
2006-10-22 16:58:13 · answer #6 · answered by chnchita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
next time he brings up getting married, tell him that there has to be a lot of changes in both of your lives before that happends. And when he askes like what...thats when you say, well you will have to have a steady job something full time and somthing thats going to be worth it money wise, as well as he will need to have transportation, a car thats reliable, than have to save up enough money between the both of yous to get a house of your own. So tell him that theres a lot of things for him to do before anyone is going to talk about getting married. So hes gotta chop chop to it. Than it will give him a differnt look on his life and hopefully come to his senses and realize that he is going to have to shape up if hes wanting to hold onto you. Dont be rude to him about it but make it clear on what you want from him, and that he can do these things. If its love that yous share than yous will get through this, and he will understand.
2006-10-22 17:01:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this question or you wouldn't be asking it. Lose him and lose him quick. If you need reassurance then you are a loser as well, of which I hope that you are just tototally immature at this point. Be scared...be very, very scared...but be honest with yourself. If you were a total idiot you would not be so poignant in your writing!!! Think about it and good luck!
2006-10-22 17:00:43 · answer #8 · answered by WhiteChocolate 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you already know the answer to this one. he's not gonna change, honey. you sound like a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders who just fell for the wrong man. well, you can do something about it! L-E-A-V-E. this is the rest of your life we are talking about here! do the right thing for you and your future family. enough said.
2006-10-22 17:00:25 · answer #9 · answered by baby doodle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
lose the sero and find a hero....i dumped a girl because of the same reason ....i loved her sooooooo much but 2 years later i met the perfect match ....we are still together after 15 years with a new car new condo two dogs a cat and im very happy
2006-10-22 16:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by acierman2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋