My friend is in a terrible state. She has a bf and had a fling. She had sex with both men 5 days apart. Her OB says she's pregnant and couldnt say who may be the father. Her bf doesnt know about the fling and thinks the baby is his and is willing to give-up school to earn a living for the baby. The fling is nowhere to be found. My friend wants her bf to be the father but afraid he might not be the father. She is confused she wants to get rid of the baby. What to do?
2006-10-22 16:11:38 · 29 answers · asked by prettyfuljan 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
first, start with what she really want to do. She has several issues there to contend with. it depends mostly on who she is and what she is all about as far as character. if she knows who she is and what she wants out of her life, then this decision is really not that complicated. However, there is the life of the baby to consider as well. Babies dont screw up peoples lives, people screw up babies lives. it doesnt have to be that way. Consider all of the options for the baby first. if you arent ready for a child, and i mean really ready, then your choices are basically down to either abortion and/or adoption. i am a pro choice person but that doesnt mean that i am an advocate of abortion, yet in some rare cases, it can be best for everyone involved. adoption is always a good choice. when a couple meets the approval of the mother, there is rarely a more beautiful gift that a person can give, especially spiritually. giving the gift of life makes any woman a special being, but raising a child is not always in a womans best interest. it is my opinion that your friends' focus should be totally on the child. guys come and go. she obviously didnt love her boyfriend if she was willing to have sex with someone other than him. she made a choice, and unless she was raped, which i doubt, she has to live with hurting someone. that kind of hurt that she has put on her boyfriend (even though he is unaware at the moment) is very selfish and completely unnecessary. if she is willing to hurt someone thru her selfishness, what kind of mother can she possibly expect to be. it is my opinion that if someone is willing to keep secrets of their actions from someone they supposidly love, they havent learned enough about love to make themselves credible enough to have any kind of relationship. a lie of that type is not a small thing. so when it comes to her boyfriend, maybe she should put herself in his position. would she be ok if he did the same type of thing to her? no lie lasts forever. the truth eventually has a way of exposing itself and it usually isnt at a good time, so losing your credibility is something that needs to be considered. everybody makes mistakes, especially for young people, but if you are honest, and show that you truely understand how the other person feels, your chances of being forgiven are much better. the boyfriend isnt doing anybody any favors by quitting school. there are other ways to support the situation. talk with family. surely they want to see the best possible opportunities are utilized.
2006-10-22 16:45:37 · answer #1 · answered by kimpossibly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The right thing to do would be to tell her boyfriend about the fling and that she honestly does not know who the father is.
She will not be able to find out who the father is until the baby is born. Then, a DNA test will need to be done. This can be done at the hospital.
If her boyfriend takes it well, he will stand beside her during the pregnancy and accept the child as his no matter what the DNA results say.
If he takes it bad, then at least she knows she did the right thing by being honest.
Please encourage her to not get rid of the baby just because of what has happend. She is the mother of the child, and she can take care of the baby no matter who the father is or if the father is in the child's life.
2006-10-22 16:19:21 · answer #2 · answered by star22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
omg, she would get rid of a baby because she doesn't know who the father is??? That is sick.
This is a growing person who didn't ask to be concieved.
I realize the doctor can't say who the father is, but he could give a good guess. If your friend has regular periods then there is an ovulating phase which when estimated could give an idea which man is the father.
It is scary that a girl would abort her family rather than tell the truth to her bf.
She will live with the guilt the rest of her life and that will be worse than telling her bf the truth.
Once the baby is born a test is done by swabbing the inner cheek of the baby and the men in question. In fact the man in question could be done and he is not the father then she will know it is her bf.
2006-10-22 16:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure your friend knows what to do. It's always the thing that seems the hardest. But let's look at this objectively:
Assuming that letting a nice couple adopt the baby is out of the question, she has to be honest with the boyfriend. Let him know EXACTLY how she feels and what happened. If she wants her boyfriend to be the father, a relationship like that won't last if it is based on concealing the truth.
If she were my girlfriend and I had been sleeping with her, unless she told me all of this it wouldn't give me the opportunity to do the right thing. I couldn't tell her I loved her and it didn't matter who was the father of the child, or I couldn't tell her that cheating on me was something that I couldn't overcome and that I would support her until such time she could prove the child was mine.
If she doesn't believe the boyfriend will do the right thing, he's not good husband/father material anyway. How can she want to have a lasting relationship with a person like him? And if she can't give him the opportunity to do the right thing, she must be a serious liar. How can he want to have a lasting relationship with a person like her?
Be honest and start on the right foot.
2006-10-22 16:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by formerkingofscotland 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's understandable he is having issues with the pregnancy, you've only been together a short time and while he may want kids, it's probably in the future. That said, whether he's ready or not he's a dad and is financially responsible to the child. If he doesn't come around, and soon, then go to the District Attorney's office and file for child support. Mama's boy or rercord makes no difference, he needs to support his child. On another note, for your child's sake do try to at least get a long even if you don't stay together and don't use your child to get him back because you're hurt. One thing a child should never hear is a parent talking badly about the other parent, it'll cause lots of future issues for your child.
2016-05-21 23:55:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first she needs to decide whether she wants to have the baby or not cause if she doesn't then who the father is doesn't really matter. If she decides she wants to keep it then she should be honest and tell her bf what happened but of course that's easier said then done. Maybe she could have a dna test done when the baby is born without him knowing. I don't know if thats possible but you could look into it. The only thing about waiting for a dna test is her bf could get attached to the baby during the pregnancy and then to be told its not his would really hurt him. Honesty is the best choice if it's not him then he could decide if he wants to stay with her or not and if it is then they'll atleast know and can raise the child the right way.
2006-10-22 16:23:39 · answer #6 · answered by Trish H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is becoming, or is that emotionally unstable adoption maybe the right thing. Otherwise she needs to be straight with the bf, because its no fair to him and certainly not to the child. After all the child never asked to be here in the first place. Maybe that will teach her to not to be have unprotected, premarital sex. And I'll tell her what I told my friend in an unwanted pregnancy situation, thank God cuz that is the least of the worst that can happen at least she didn't get something she couldn't get rid of.
2006-10-22 16:25:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweet of the bf, bad for the fling. That child is in HER body & her responsibility. Who cares who the father is if she wants the baby. If not, there are plent ready to adopt. Well, genetic trait knowledge would help out the adoptive parents, I didn't have a child until I was 30 & there is no way that I could have handled child-rearing earlier. She should be prepared not to sleep. Since my son is older & does auctually sleep now, little wonder that I'm ready to hunt down & KILL whatever else does auct
2006-10-22 16:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by Suze 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to be honest with her bf and face the consequences. A DNA test after the baby is born will answer who the daddy is. The bf may want to stay with her and the baby anyway. Having an abortion will not change the fact that she was unfaithful. It will only add to her problems and guilty.
2006-10-22 16:21:27 · answer #9 · answered by therego2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is willing to fess up there is a way to do a paternity test before the baby is born. Its quite a bit of money though. They take a sample of her amniotic fluid and compare the unborn childs DNA to the proposed fathers DNA. It had to be done between 13 and 24 weeks pregnant though. Good luck to her!
2006-10-22 16:19:44 · answer #10 · answered by kcgirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋