I just found out my boyfriend was a raciest of my race help?

Question

My boy friend is white and i found out by looking at some old paper he told me to look in for his brthpaper and i have not talk to him about it

i assum he WAS one cuz hes w/ me

Answer 1

so, he is a racist, and he doesn't like your race... why is he with you then? why don't you just ask him about it?

Answer 2

It's hard really to make any sort of judgment here because you don't tell us why you think he's racist. But if you were looking at some old papers of his, it's possible that it's something maybe he thought or did when he was immature, and maybe he grew up since then.

A lot of people get raised in environments where racism and intolerance are commonplace, and it can take a while, or forever, to grow out of those notions, logically, he might understand why it's wrong, but those thoughts might still pop up reflexively due to their ingrained nature.

This isn't just true of racism, either. Everyone has things that are part of how they were raised that weren't necessarily right, but take time and effort to shake off, sometimes more time and effort than people are willing to take.

The point is, if this troubles you, ask him about it, and give him a chance to explain. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt before you accuse him. If you do, and he still seems like a racist, dump him.

Answer 3

Maybe it would help, if you had said what the papers said.

Maybe he wrote something when he was ten years old and never threw it away.

Remember most every race has some type of issues, no matter what they or you are.

Just ask him to explain to you how, why, when, where, and what this is all about. If he was a true racist, would he even be dating you in the first place, no.

Answer 4

This questions cracks me up, because I married a man not realizing he was a racist....I look white, but my dad was mixed and my mom was white, so this guy never thought to ask....it never occured to me that it might be a problem. We ran away to get married after only six months of knowing each other.

I found out he was racist when we were in an outlet mall and he started whispering in my ear, "Look at that....look over there...." I am looking all around thinking someone is shop lifting and I am like "WHAT?" all loud. haha.... He is like, "Shhh....see that white girl with that black guy over there?" I could not believe he was even being serious. So, I did not say anything I just waited and took him home with me for Christmas to a big family gathering. You can imagine his surprise. It was priceless to see his face!

It was a real learning experience for him, and it taught me about using these opportunities to teach people in a way that does not belittle them, but makes them really see the error they are making. He did not love me any less when he realized I was mixed and it forced him into a place where he had to be exposed to people he would not have otherwise given the time of day in life. Now, we have three beautiful little boys that have his blood and mine. I tell everyone that we are all a little bit swirly (that is what my nephew calls being mixed, because my sister explained it using the flavors of chocolat and vanilla icecream at the gas station.)

Call him out on it, but understand that it is about the way that he was raised and he probably does not know any better. There will be other hurdles to jump with his family though. When I went home with my husband for Thanksgiving his uncle was saying "n" this and "n" that about the football players on TV. I told my husband my children would not be exposed to that, and he would have to choose right then and there if he was going to eat dinner with me at the restaurant down the road of if he was staying with the bigots, but me and that kids were not staying there. He followed me, and I knew then he had overcome his upbringing.

If you love him....be patient....be honest....talk to him and educate him....you might learn something too....the experience really taught me patience, compassion and understanding....I am still working on holding my temper in certain situations, but everyone is improving.

Answer 5

Well I would say I found these papers within what he wanted me to look for and I am totally confused as to why he feels this way. But on the other hand he could have this question about whether it is wrong or right and obviously if he is your boyfriend he doesnt think this way.

Answer 6

Racism is ignorant based learned behavior.

I taught kindergarden in a school a economically challenged area. The students were predominantly minority. Not once was I ever considered different from them. They accepted me even thought my skin and my hair was different.

So your boy friend needs some education. So step up and teach him some political correctness.

It's a maturation process... he needs your help.

Answer 7

It depends what you found and from how long ago it was. People's opinions do change as they mature and become less ignorant. The very fact that he chooses to have you as his girlfriend may be a good indicator that he may not be racist

Answer 8

Talk to him about this so that you have no doubts and then decide how you want to handle the information you receive from him. Hopefully he will be honest with you about his true feelings and beliefs regarding race.

Answer 9

Why dont you confront him and ask. I'm sure he was a racist he wouldnt have dated you to begin with. But, listen to your instincts. If he treats you with respect then there is nothing to worry about. I am in an inter-racial relationship as well.

Answer 10

He doesn't like your race, yet he's with you???
Apparently he's not that raciest...
Just confront him about it...Talk about it...Good luck girl

Answer 11

I would ask how old it is before you get all upset. It might not be his hand writting? I hope that everything works out. Just ask him that is all you can do.