To be offended...or to not be offended?

Question

I've heard people gain weight once there married and comfy...ive put on proably a good 20 pounds big deal nothing a quick diet wouldnt fix...Well my husbands grandmother makes it sound horrible...she keeps calling me big and when me and my husband were playing around shes like be careful she can take you out...and shes just really rude about it. I know for her i wasnt proably her pick for him because he used to date this girl amanda and everytime she comes over she talks about amanda hasnt gained any weight and shes still single...its really bothers me and my husband tells me to ignore that shes old....but dang sometimes its hard to bare.....should i be offended or not? and what do i say??!??! shes not a skinny woman either but granted shes 60 years older then me....im going to just lose the weight before the holidays but dang...shes mean...

It wouldnt bother me as much as if she wouldnt of brought amanda up on our wedding day...we used to go to school together....and shes always making comments to my husband too....i dont want it to be that big of a deal like i cant handle it..but it just pisses me off and i really want to tell the old bag to shove it....but i dont want my husband mad ...but thats crazy if she thinks im going to just put up wiht it ....i know 20 pounds is a lot..but dang...its not like 50 pounds i can lose 20 in a month...she doesnt have to be so damn cruel....

Answer 1

The important thing is that your husband chose you, not Amanda. His grandmother sounds like a crotchety old bird, to say the least, but her opinion should not bear any weight on your mind. If your husband is happy with how you look, and more importantly, if you're comfortable with how you look, then you should definitely take anything Granny has to say with a grain of salt. Older people often take the attitude that since they're old, they can say/do whatever they want. Some people are just rude and always have been. Try talking to Granny, if you can. Tell her that you don't appreciate her comments and that if she has anything else to say about your weight, that you won't be around her anymore. Talk to your husband, too. He should definitely support you and be with you when you talk to her. Show her a united front, and maybe then she'll take the hint. If it keeps happening, my advice would be just to keep a distance from her if you can. If not, just pretend she isn't there. Whatever you do, don't resort to her level and get into a name-calling contest. That will only serve to give her more ammunition. Good luck!

Answer 2

the perfect element that offended me replaced into this stupid computer. I compressed some archives from (are you waiting for this one?) 50 days right down to 30 days (how lengthy might want to the gadget wait before compressing old archives? &c.) and whamee! No computer! God, did that scare me! and then I realised how unhappy I felt and how offended that this computer might want to dare to enable me down like that. How do you spell dependency? or possibly even co-dependency? So humorous now, notwithstanding it wasn't humorous then. any such enormous volume of situations we may be able to seem decrease back and be conscious how stupid we were being and how we reacted, yet at the same time as it is happening for authentic the first time by ability of it is authentic and it hurts and also you do not comprehend what to do.

Answer 3

Aye, yi, yi, I would feel bad, too. It would have to take a lot of strength on your husband's part, but I think it is up to him to tell his Grand Mother that she's hurting your feelings. And if it's easy for her to say this about you, Lord only knows what she will say if she is confronted about it. Soooo, I think you just have to suck it up because confronting her will only make another problem. If it wouldn't be weight, it would be something else. I'm sorry. I agree she's mean. Only loose the weight if you want to. Don't let this come between you and your husband. We really can't control other people.

Answer 4

Hey, my sis-in-law had a similar situation. Her husband was dating a girl for 5 years before he met my sis-in-law (Martha). His parents highly approved of the long time girlfriend because she was from a fraternity that they belonged to. Well, her now husband (Marvin) soon discovered that he liked Martha a whole lot more than he liked the old girlfriend. He had more in common with Martha than the old girlfriend. A couple years later they were married but Martha ran into some rude comments and behavior from Marvin's parents as you did. One Thanksgiving his parents invited him and the children over for dinner but requested that Martha not attend. It was rude but Martha complied only to find that the parents had invited the old girlfriend over at the same time.
Now that is down right rude and conniving.
M and M have been married 20 years now and they still run into this rudeness on occasion but Martha has requested that Marvin not attend anything his parents invite him to without taking her.
She gets the comments also but has learned to be gracious in their presence and the presence of the children in order not to prejudice them against their grandparents on account of their blatant emotional abuse of her.

Now as far as losing the weight. It won't make any difference. His grandmother is prejudiced against you (it's obvious) and you will have to over come her rudeness with your overt graciousness. Don't let her know that anything she says or does offends you. Be overly friendly to her. I like to call it "kill them with kindness". It works, my daughter and I have used it on objectionable people for years. Got the idea from two books: "How to win friends and influence people" and the teachings of Jesus from the Bible. (Not trying to be religious here, just practical)

Good luck

Answer 5

This is something your husband is going to have to deal with. It's HIS grandmother. If he's not sticking up for you then that just encourages her to keep doing it. Perhaps she even thinks she is convincing him. If your husband won't grow some balls and do something about it you need to take matters into your own hands. Tell her "Look Granny hubby chose me over Amanda. Do you think he is so shallow that he loves me only for my size? How shallow does one have to be to dwell on that? Besides, he loves you, right? Maybe as I gain weight he sees you in me and loves me even more!"

That should shut her up.

Answer 6

I don't know if this would work for you; it works for me. Someone asks why I did this terrible thing to my hair..I put on a long, sad face & say plaintively: "& I did it just for you!" Knocks them out. You might have to do it more than once, but you could just respond "Yes, I know I'm just a big, fat a..." (Put a little whine in your voice.) It's amazing how you can "deflect" that way. So she's old. Old people don't always just get goofy--lots of mean spirited people around--don't LET her get you down!

Answer 7

Well if she is pretending to be joking, throw it back.
Pretend that you are too & say something like.....
If your husband's grandmother says, "careful she can take you out." Just laugh & say, "Yea! & between me & (grandmother's name) we could really do some damage... Might even leave a mark."
See how she likes it.....
It doesn't matter how old the grandmother is, being mean spirited is just plain RUDE!!!
My mother in-law likes to throw snide comments around as well, like I'm too stupid to hear them. I just do it back. He son & I are married but it does NOT give her the right to treat me like that. I also notice he usually ONLY does it when my husband is NOT within ear shot... Figures!!! The old bat!!!!

Answer 8

Try to lose some weight.. I am.. If your used to being slim, gaining weight can make you uncomfortable.. juz ignore ur husbands grandmom, maybe she's friends with amanda. anyway, what matters is that it has no effect whatsoever on your husband, ok?

Answer 9

I would be offended, too! I work in a nursing home, I know old people can be mean.
Look at her and say," you're not very skinny either, so shut your mouth!!" LOL
I don't talk that way to the residents, don't get me wrong...I'm just saying-she's family. You need to put her in her place!!

Answer 10

If it bothers you so much, I would tell you "You know, that really upsets me when you say things like that." If she continues to make remarks, just ignore her. She obviously is one of those people that enjoys making others uncomfortable, and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change that and keep the peace.