you just gotta let her go through the stages of it. theres nothing you can do about it other than let her express herself. all teens go through it
2006-10-22 15:05:33
·
answer #1
·
answered by frontlinenut13 2
·
1⤊
1⤋
The fact that you say she is a "Good girl" is more important than anything!!! We are all different. Some people just love to talk and even "show off". It is in their nature. I think showing affection, lots of love heals almost everything. Don't be afraid to hug her, tell her you love her. Try more humor. If her "mouthiness" hurts you, be sincere. Speak from your heart...don't be flip or resort to sarcasm. Tell her you are hurt and love her and want to be close to her. Be persistent, give her time to know you care more about her than being "right" all of the time. You are the adult and must be the example for her. She will grow out of this as she matures. So much depends on how well you can hold your temper and listen to her. It pays off, hugely. She will admire and respect you...more than you know!
2006-10-22 22:25:05
·
answer #2
·
answered by Evelyn R 1
·
0⤊
0⤋
Challenges in the Teen Years
Disciplining a Teenager
Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions
Q. You have said that you do not favor spanking a teenager. What would you do to encourage the cooperation of my 13-year-old, who deliberately makes a nuisance of himself? He throws his clothes around, refuses to help out with any routine tasks in the house, and pesters his little brother incessantly. If I can’t spank him, how can I get his attention?
A. If any approach will succeed in charging his sluggish batteries or motivating him to live within the rules, it will probably involve an incentive-and-disincentive program of some variety. The following three steps might be helpful in initiating such a system:
1. Decide what is important to the youngster for use as a motivator. Two hours with the family car on date night is worth the world to a 16-year-old who has just gotten his license. (This could be the most expensive incentive in history if the young driver is a bit shaky behind the wheel.) An allowance is another easily available source of inspiration. Teenagers have a great need for cold cash today. A routine date might cost twenty dollars or more — in some cases far more.
Yet another incentive may involve a fashionable article of clothing that would not ordinarily be within your teen’s budget. Offering her a means of obtaining such luxuries is a happy alternative to the whining, crying, begging, complaining and pestering that might occur otherwise. Mom says, “Sure you can have the ski sweater, but you’ll have to earn it.” Once an acceptable motivator is agreed upon, the second step can be implemented.
2. Formalize the agreement. A contract is an excellent means of settling on a common goal. Once an agreement has been written, it is signed by the parent and teen. The contract may include a point system that enables your teenager to meet the goal in a reasonable time period. If you can’t agree on the point values, you could allow for binding arbitration from an outside party.
Let’s examine a sample agreement in which Marshall wants a CD player, but his birthday is ten months away, and he’s flat broke. The cost of the player is approximately $150. His father agrees to buy the device if Marshall earns 10,000 points over the next 6 to 10 weeks doing various tasks. Many of these opportunities are outlined in advance, but the list can be lengthened as other possibilities become apparent:
* For making bed and straightening room each morning: 50 points
* For each hour of studying: 150 points
* For each hour of housecleaning or yard work done: 300 points
* For being on time to breakfast and dinner: 40 points
* For baby-sitting siblings (without conflict) per hour: 150 points
* For washing the car each week: 250 points
* For arising by 8 on Saturday mornings: 100 points
While the principles are almost universally effective, the method of application must be varied. With a little imagination, you can create a list of chores and point values that work in your family. It’s important to note that points can be gained for cooperation and lost for resistance. Disagreeable and unreasonable behavior can be penalized 50 points or more. (However, penalties must be imposed fairly and rarely or the entire system will crumble.) Also, bonus points can be awarded for behavior that is particularly commendable.
3. Finally, establish a method to provide immediate rewards. Remember that prompt reinforcement achieves the best results. This is necessary to sustain teens’ interest as they move toward the ultimate goal. A thermometer-type chart can be constructed, with the point scale listed down the side. At the top is the 10,000-points mark, beside a picture of a CD player or other prize.
Each evening, the daily points are totaled and the red portion of the thermometer is extended upward. Steady, short-term progress might earn Marshall a bonus of some sort — perhaps a CD of his favorite musician or a special privilege. If he changes his mind about what he wishes to buy, the points can be diverted to another purchase.
For example, 5,000 points is 50 percent of 10,000 and would be worth $75 toward another purchase. However, do not give your child the reward if he does not earn it. That would eliminate future uses of reinforcement. Likewise, do not deny or postpone the goal once it is earned.
This system is not set in concrete. It should be adapted to the age and maturity of the adolescent. One youngster would be insulted by an approach that would thrill another. Use your imagination and work out the details with your youngster. This suggestion won’t work with every teenager, but some will find it exciting. Lots of luck to you.
— Dr. James Dobson
This article was adapted from Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide by Dr. James Dobson with the permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Copyright 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
2006-10-22 22:09:33
·
answer #3
·
answered by shlomogon 4
·
0⤊
0⤋
Your the mother, put your foot down and I'm not telling her to
hit her. Let her know as soon as she is 18 yrs. old she out.
Because rule's are rule's, and there your rule's and she she
still doesn't care and she was to get picked up by a police officer
then leave her *** in Juvenile to teach her a lessen. If you keep
giving in then that is why she is doing the things she's does. My
nephew never spoke back but he never wanted to go by my rule's either, but I give him an ultimatum either you start listening
or move out, NO BUTTS!!. Stop buying her things, stop giving
her money when she wants it. Your giving her, her way. And
that's how she gets over you. I thank God my daughter did not
disrespect me when she was a teenager.
2006-10-22 23:37:33
·
answer #4
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
Is difficult, they are just blind. They don't want give up own wrong visions. You can't loose her trust - you have to earned.
Don't get angry or make her angry.
Try to put yourself in her shoes , to learn and understand why she is, how she is. Is hard to stop being mouthy, but as real friend you can little slow her down.
2006-10-22 22:12:09
·
answer #5
·
answered by Toto 6
·
1⤊
0⤋
Teen girls are always trying to break away from the family, its just what they do in order to grow up. As long as shes a good girl with a good set of values and can think straight don't worry. Its just one of those cases where you will be getting smarter as she gets older. Shes using her mouth to get some emotional distance from you. I don't approve of rudeness and you do have the right to tell her that you won't put up with that and that she has to find another way to talk to you, but really, as long as its just words, thank you lucky stars cause it could be drugs and sex and unwed pregnancies.
2006-10-22 22:16:51
·
answer #6
·
answered by justa 7
·
0⤊
0⤋
Try sitting down with her and talking to her like an adult. Im saying not down at dinner, take her out shopping, then you 2 go to a nice place to eat, so you can have some 1 on 1 with each other, and talk to her like an adult and let her know how it makes you feel, and what you would like. Let her know that you are there and there is no need for the mouth.
2006-10-22 22:06:28
·
answer #7
·
answered by sparky_butt 3
·
1⤊
1⤋
My kids aren't teens yet but this has worked with my younger ones. I just ignore them if they are screaming and being rude to me. They finally get the hint or maybe with a little coercion ("Oh, are you talking to me? I didn't think you could be talking to me so disrespectfully!") If they ask me for gum or candy - "give it to me now!" I just completely ignore it. When they ask politely I oblige when appropriate. Mine are very young but I have sat them down on many occasions and told them in a soft, calm voice "I am your mother. You are going to respect me. If you do not respect me I will not hear you or respect your demands of me." It works but they forget at times.
God bless you honey! Hang in there!
2006-10-22 22:12:56
·
answer #8
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
Im 15 years old and have quite the attitude at times. Try to give her some space and understand that she's just going through some things. she'll pass through this stage so just try to help her through it. and make sure you know she Does love you its just a difficult moment
2006-10-22 22:11:32
·
answer #9
·
answered by Anonymous
·
1⤊
0⤋
tell her that until the attitude changes then the home services will decrease in line with the attitude. Big attitude no laundry, no pick up or drop off, no phone or computer etc. she will get the message, she is pushing you,now push back
2006-10-22 22:08:39
·
answer #10
·
answered by rkilburn410 6
·
0⤊
1⤋
Unfortunately, it is a phase they all go through. When my daughter was that age, it was almost unbearable, but thank God she finally grew up. It was a wonder she and I didn't hurt one another over it. But now that is all in the past, and she is a married adult and we are closer than ever.
2006-10-22 22:08:27
·
answer #11
·
answered by Anonymous
·
1⤊
0⤋