I'm turning 19 next month. I have a 3.8 GPA in college working on two degrees. I work full-time (about 60 hours a week). The apartment we're living in is under my name and I pay half, or more than half, of the utilities. The thing is, my mother is extremely controlling. She doesn't want friends calling my cell, or my even hanging out with them. Those are friends that she doesn't even know personally. Sometimes she makes suggestions and expects me to accept them or she'll get super pissed and then start yelling and/or never ends the lecture.
The other day, we were discussing careers and she said if I didn't take this and that career, she'd be super disappointed in me.
I have a boyfriend now, and if she finds out she'd start another 3-day argument until I leave him. She hasn't met him yet because she never gave him the chance to stop by our place. How can I tell her I have a BF without having her freak out?
I know parents want the best for their kids, but this is too far.
2006-10-22 14:58:27 · 9 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
sounds like she depends on you to take care of her so she feels the need to take that out on you by still acting like shes raising you to do her part .Tell her im 19 and can make my own deciecions and you keep arguing with me Im going to have to move out .Try to tell your friends to call when your gonna be there or get a cell and put it on vibrate at night if shes resting.Just bring him over for a dinner if she wants to meet him .Or take her out to eat.
2006-10-22 15:09:42 · answer #1 · answered by Gypsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. Tell her just like you told us here. Point out the fact that you are working and contributing to the rent, etc. as well as doing great in college. Tell her that you have so much on you right now that you can't handle the stress of her jumping on you all the time. Tell her that you respect her as your mom but that you are both grown adults and you both have the right to have friends and boyfriends.
Let's look at it from another point of view though. Perhaps you and your mom were good friends before and now that you have so much going on as well as other friends and bf right now you don't have any time for her. Maybe she is lonely and wanting more time with her daughter and just going about it the wrong way. Us moms are pretty used to TELLING our kids what to do instead of talking with them and asking. It's all a part of our learning to adjust to the fact that you are no longer a baby and don't need us as much. Show her a little mercy and try to see it from her side. Maybe she just misses you.
God bless you & mom!
2006-10-22 22:29:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, this is too far. Unfortunately, the only way to solve this will be to not live with your Mom.I went thru the same thing with my parents. I moved out, finally, at age 25-26. They tried to give me a 10:30pm curfew at age 25! If you work 60 hours a week and pay most of the bills, you can live on your own.
2006-10-22 22:05:16 · answer #3 · answered by eastcoastdebra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom is the same way and i have 3 children and i am going on 26 next month. and i have gottin to the point where i sit her down when i am having a problem and tell her the things thats on my mind or what i am upset about with her and just let her know women to women . because for a long time i was scared to even talk to my mom about alot of things and then when she seen i talk to her like a young women and not her daughter i got much more respect from then ever before .and now we talk everyday about our day or our friends or whatever .
2006-10-23 03:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by jayevapas06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, it is too far. You should move out. Keep in touch, though but insist on making your own decsions and pop up for the holidays. But move out, tomorrow! Tell her you have a bf, that he's a good man, and that you'll be living alone. Once you say that and move out on your own, you can do whatever you want.
2006-10-23 00:21:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should just have a sit down with your parents & tell them how you feel. Let them know that you can handle keeping your grades up, even while dating & hanging out with friends. If this doesn't work out, maybe you should consider living in your college dorm or moving out, while still paying for their apartment(if they arent able to)
2006-10-22 22:03:03 · answer #6 · answered by CC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find your own place to live --- otherwise mom will still treat you like a kid and have all those rules and regulations for you to comply with ...
sometimes you have to cut back on school/work and focus on what's really important.... and having a stable(less stressful) home life without all the drama sure ranks pretty high on my list!
2006-10-22 22:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you have to make your mom realize that you are becoming a grown woman, and that she cant make your decisions for you. start by talking to her. i know it could cause an arguement, but you have to start somewhere.
2006-10-22 22:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by blondie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for one idea get rid of your trashy nasty picture
2006-10-22 22:03:21 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋