Unfaithful?

Question

I have these two best friends, one is a girl and the other is a boy, they were dating for over 2 years, (Lets say there names are Ashley and Aaron) and now Ashelys pregnant and Aaron is FREAKING OUT!!!! This was the most quiet kid I have ever known, he never said anything, never really did anything, he is devilishly handsome...anyway, as nice as he was, he is absolutely refusing to help raise her child, he wont even talk to her. I confronted him about it and he is avoiding eye contact telling me to mind my own buisness, I heard his best friend telling him in class that he would drive him to California. I was so pissed I pushed him halfway down the stairs after school. I've tried everything possible to make him change his mind, and I've come to the fact that if he leaves, I'm gonna help Ashley raise her baby, from diapers to college, is this a good idea? Is it to much responsibilty for me? cuz she doesn't have anyone else, whats the right thing to do? were both 16 going on 17.

I have told her my plan of helping her raise the baby, and she says she's either doing that, or giving it up for adoption

Yes she does have a dad who is never around, she see's him probably 3 times a day

3 HOURS a day, i ment hours

we've been friends ever since kindergarten, so I think the friendship is strong enough to get throught this

Answer 1

If she doesn't think she can handle it and you don't think you can handle it, adoption might sound better. But it is her choice, not yours. Right when women give birth in those situations they some times freak out and decide they want the baby right then and there (but they are not in a good state of mind). The normal thing seems to be women that give their babies up for adoption at that age range regret it the rest of their life and have this thing in their mind there always, it stays there like Truma for a Person with Post Trumatic Stress.

Her parents should have a little to do with this. Maybe their will help, ... maybe they can't handle her haveing the baby because they know they will be the ones that will end up raiseing the baby.

Although your male friend is freaking out,.. he is needed,... he might think she cheated, or that it wasn't posible for her to become pregnant, or he might just be like " This isn't my responicblity... " but it is his. She will be going through worse then him, even if he makes it out to his friends it's the other way around. She can not escape like he can, it is part of her and she will give birth to this lifeform... this is going to do damage to her body.

He will have to pay Child support if he admits the child is his or if testing is done to prove it. Because politicains and such tend to be male, they have things lean in the males favor and create loopholes for them,.. so if he is under 18 there may be many loopholes created for males under 18.

He is likely not in a good state of mind and this all might not hold any positive emotional connection for him at the moment as he cannot physically see the child yet and does not have proof it is his yet. For the most part it sounds like he is panicing and it might take him some time to think clearly.


Start looking for Government information on this through local programs and online. Hopefully posting here people will give phone numbers and web urls to help you guys out.

Answer 2

If the father "Aaron" is there or not there, you should still help her in raising this child, being the best friend you are to her. I think he's just scared, being young and having a baby is a big responsibility. He should be responsible for his actions though. I feel if you "think" you are old enough to have sex, you should take responsibility for the possible outcomes or consequences. For her "Ashley's" sake I hope he straightens up and realizes he needs to there and be a father, he can't run from this and if he doesn't want the relationship anymore, then that's where child support comes in, and he'll have to pay it.

Life isn't going to end for her or him. Everything, I think, happens for a reason. And I think she's very lucky to have someone like
you that'll always be by her side and helping her. And why would you think helping her isn't a good idea? It's what best friends do for eachother.

Answer 3

I doubt very much you will be able to raise a child at your age. Number one you're not even old enough to have a full time job let alone pay all the bills that come with raising a child. She DOES have someone else, it is call the family court. She needs to go there and file for child support from the baby's father. He can drive all the way to California but eventually he will get caught up with and any money that he earns will wind up being taken away to pay his child support. As for pushing the guy down the stairs, you don't have the right to abuse anyone whether you are pissed at them or not, that doesn't make you a very good candidate for raising a child. If you can get angry with someone your own age you will be able to get angry with a small child and no way would I allow you to be anywhere near a small child if you're pushing people down stairs. I suggest you look into anger management classes for yourself and adoption agencies for your friend or a lawyer. You might seek a lawyer for yourself as well because if he is smart this boy can have you arrested on assault charges.

Answer 4

That's pretty heavy. A baby is a huge responsibility for anyone let alone 16 year olds!! First, I think you both have to accept that Aaron is a complete loser and forget about him. Secondly, Ashley should talk to an adult about this. Maybe a parent, a school counsellor or a teacher. This is a very important and major decision that she should not take lightly!! You seem like you are an amazing friend and with your help, along with others Ashley will come to the right decision. Good luck!!

Answer 5

well this boy is in huge fear...afraid of the whole idea of it and more so probably afraid of his parents and future...not to mention boys at this age have no reality of the true dedication it takes to be a parent...i had a baby at 16 the father the same age he finally grew up at age 25 or so and realized he wanted to be a part of the babies life but what he really didn't grasp through-out all this was the baby grew up too..not getting pregnant is the best thing to do but since its too late there are many other options and please explore them all before its too late...you cant control this boy or change his mind nor can you make him feel better what i would do however if she is dead set on having and keeping the baby is involve his family on her own and let them know...and yes it is way too much for you to say you will help your friend out i mean its a nice gesture and im sure you mean what you say but in the long run you have a life to live and you can only do so much for her as well she will have a long struggle ahead of her if she tries to raise a baby this young being that she hasn't completed her education yet or gotten a career for herself let alone a car or house of her own and she has no one to help her!! wow ill tell you what she needs to decide what she wants to do and do it don't wait for this fool or she'll be waitin a life time for nothin...

Answer 6

i was 18 when i had my first child and his father was in and out of his life for a long time because he couldn't decide what he wanted, well he finally went his way. my child is 5 years old now and i raised him just fine, im not going to say it was easy, but i was not going to give up on him. He just started pre-k and is smarter then a wizz and i am so excited he is doing so well because i knew he could. to get to my point is: what has happend can not be undone, she needs to take that responsibility and raise that child and be a wonderful mother, its not the babys fault. if her bf doesn't want to be there and wants to be an idiot, let him be, your friend needs to show she is the adult and she can do this without his help. i think your a really good friend for wanting to help her. stay by her side and when she needs you, just be there, but let her find her way on her own as much as she can, when she needs you I'm sure she will tell you. i wish you and your friend the best of luck. take care

Answer 7

Ok I think, matter of fact, I KNOW that you are the bigger person in this. It's good that your there for your friends through think and thin but this guy needs to boss up serious. I think he's a jerk because if he's brave enough to get in the bed he should be brave enough to take care of that baby.I understand how people get scared but he should not walk out on his baby's mother.You are a great person for doing this don't give up on that friend or that baby because all things work for the better but don't get all stressed out, if you start feeling overwhelmed just settle down for a while a get your thoughts together. This is a big challenge for you but personally I don't know you so I wouldn't know how big of a challenge it would be but take it one step at a time.

Answer 8

okay i am a mom of a 14 teen old girl and even though i would love the baby and not stop her from having her baby i still would give her every chance to do what is best for her you two are so young and have so much to look forword to why would you give that up .....i can say that because my husband did that but now we dont see him or even know where he lives half the time and we have two kids of are own. and even though the first child is not his we still have to pay for him and do for him and he is not even ares but he also wanted to do the right thing for this childs mother and now we have no ideal where he is and he will be 18teen next may so think before you act..........you can still be the best friend but dont try to be daddy unless you can do so for all of you............

Answer 9

thats typical as sad as it is. you should let her decide, if you do however dedicate the next 18 yrs of your life to her and her child you need to think about what that will do to your life. sounds selfish but not everyone is friends forever and your life is important too. i do not believe that adoption is the best route ever unless a parent doesn't want the child. children are best with their own parents unless the parent(s) are unfit. if she wants the baby, she can care for it without him, and grandparents can be wonderful support if addressed properly. a friend of mine is going through it now, she has a beautiful daughter and as hard as it is with school she is fine and grateful for the opportunity. support your friend, don't be a crutch. in the end, its really a matter of principle. if your grown enough to have sex your grown enough to have a baby.

Answer 10

Having sex that young doesn't seem to have consequenses, until after the fact. "Aaron" likely didn't think about the baby part of sex and it totally freaked him out. He was a dumbass for having sex in the first place if he wasn't going to deal with the consequences -

But regardless of his foresight, there is a real issue here.

Seriously, this baby need a family and needs someone to take care of them, it is very noble for you to want to step in, but perhaps you should let your intentions known, but let the mother choose her own path.

Looking from the perspective of an adult who despriately wants a baby of my own, I am not only jealous - but also had more time to think over these types of issues.

Adoption is the BEST choice for this baby - but in reality (my mom was only 18 when she had me) it is the mother's choice.

Let it be.