Why do parents continually lie to their young children?

Question

What damage to you think it does to lie to them, short term and long term?
Like daily lies: Santa Claus, Monster under the bed, tooth fairy, death of pet, etc.

Answer 1

I've never lied to my children about Santa Claus,Monsters,tooth fairy,etc etc, I have chose to tell my children the truth, that if they believe in mommy and daddy then they believe in all Santa,tooth fairy,etc etc, People say its wrong to not lie to them but what's the use in lying to them for so many years? then having to deal with the heartache that they face after finding out the truth...Ive always explained to my children NOT TO GO TO school and tell other children, that's not their job, that's their parents job to explain to them why they lied to them about such things...so not all parents out here lie to their children about those things...

Answer 2

I don't believe encouraging imagination is the same thing as "lying". I fall back on a line from Miracle on 34th Street: Is it better to tell a lie that causes a smile, or a truth that brings a tear? Santa, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, that kind of thing is not a lie, it's allowing a child to have their fantasies, which is not harmful in itself. Very few people whose parents let them believe in their fantasies as children, but who otherwise did not "lie" to them, grow up with any emotional harm done to them at all. Don't believe me? Billions of children have believed in Santa Claus. Hardly any of them were in crisis when they found out he's not real.

I don't understand why a parent would lie about the monster under the bed (I assume you're saying the parent would either make it up, or would confirm their child's belief in the monster under the bed), except in one situation. If a child gets it in his mind that there's a monster under the bed, a lot of times, no amount of "no there isn't" or "there's no such thing as monsters" will convince him. The best way to combat the fear that refuses to be reasoned away is to play to it, so you get parents who will come up with imaginative ways of getting the monster to leave the kid alone, which, I guess, does encourage the belief in the monster himself. Once again, most kids aren't emotionally scarred when they realize their parents "lied" when they gave them "monster repellant", chased the monster out of the room, or gave the kid a flashlight because the monster doesn't like light.

With the death of a pet, I'm torn. I think it depends on the age of the child, but if you have a three-year-old who otherwise has no experience with death, it's merciful to say "Fluffy went to sleep" than to try to explain death to the kid.

The thing is, kids are kids, not adults. They see the world differently than we do. They believe in things easily. They have some pretty illogical logic. They don't process information the same way adults do, and there are things they can't handle the way adults can. Their innocence makes them this way, and many parents don't want to take their child's innocence away, nor do they want to reveal the cold, harsh facts of the world to a child if those facts can be avoided until the child is emotionally mature enough to process them. In their fantasies, children can imagine the world being a much better place than what we've made it for them. Why force them out of that belief and MAKE them come out of the good imaginary world if we don't have to?

I'm curious to know if the same people who don't want to "lie" to their kids about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are the ones who tell their children that whatever they want to do, regardless of what it is, if they just work hard, they can do it. That's a lie. A kid can WANT to be a professional basketball player, but if he's tops out at 5'6" and has a bad knee, it's just not going to happen, no matter how hard the kid practices.

You go on and don't tell your kids about Santa or the monster or the tooth fairy or whatever. But I was "lied to" long-term, and never EVER held it against my parents. That's the way most people I know feel. There's nothing damaging about letting a child think the world is a happy place for as long as possible.

Answer 3

I don't think there's any lasting damage from daily lies like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. I know that as an adult looking back, the sad moment when I found out there wasn't any santa or tooth fairy was worth the years of excitment and magical moments before I found out. I think every child should believe in fairies and santa.

Answer 4

My parents always told me the truth about those sorts of things.
I was brought up without Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy and I felt as though I really missed out on all of the fun of being a kid. I was jealous of my friends and cousins and I was torn on whether I should burst their bubble or not. Life shouldn't be so serious for kids. There's nothing wrong with adding a little make-believe into their lives.

Answer 5

you mean there is no santa or tooth fairy or easter bunny? this coming from a 34 year old. I still believe because I want my kids to believe . when it comes times and they ask i will let them know and 9 x out of 10 when they have kids they are going to do the same thing and tell them. Death on the other hand is different you need to let them know but depending on the age you should explain it in their years not ours so that they might understand. Never tell a child they are only sleeping let them know they will always be in your heart but they did pass on.

Answer 6

This issue was recently brought up by a mother who suspects her daughter has clued into the idea that there isn't really a tooth fairy. I feel very passionate about this topic. I don't understand why parents want to deny their children the small amount of magic in this life. We live in a harsh world. Why make it worse by denying your child the magic? Here is my response to the original question::

I'm amazed at the number of parents here who told their children early or never let them believe at all. Why? I don't see it as lying. I think of it as creating a magical world for you children. What is wrong with them growing up to see the magic in the world around them? Why raise them to be stuffed shirts. Children are supposed to believe in the magic and if they're lucky it will follow them into adulthood. Not that they'll still believe in Santa but they'll still feel the spirit of him.

My kids are 6 & 3. They believe. They also believe in fairy folk and leprechauns. The tooth fairy always leaves a trail of magic dust when she visits. The leprechaun leaves foot prints and glitter when he visits. If you're lucky he leaves you some of his treasure on St. Pat's day and so far my kids have been very lucky. We go out for walks in the woods and the kids look for evidence of the fairy folk. They believe that elves hide in our house all year spying on us for Santa. Sometimes they draw pictures or ask to leave snacks for the elves.

My oldest has asked if there are such things as unicorns, dragons and mermaids. I've never once told him no. I've told him that it depends on who you ask. Some people believe and some don't. I've told him that most people think they are mythical and I explained what that meant. But then I also told him who is really to say. The possibility is there. He asked if I believed. I said I really didn't know for sure but that I liked to think that they are real or were at one time.

I don't see what is so wrong with letting children believe in the possibility. With the kind of world we live in today, I think it is so important for our children to always have that sense of magic and that anything is possible.

Even when my kids KNOW the tooth fairy isn't real I'm going to still act as if she is.

Answer 7

I hope that you never have any children. Poor things would really be screwed up. That is unless you kept them from the rest of the world. Children need to have a good healthy imagination. They can not become normal human beings with out it. The ability to imagine is what sets us apart from other animals. If you could not imagine, you could not grow. To imagine is to look toward the future. Do you read fiction books, or watch fiction movies? Or are you some kind of science nut that believes in nothing that he can not hold in his hand? The imagination is where theory comes from. It is where the first wheel came from. Hell, it may have even been where you came from. Lighten up on us parents. In my mind, these little lies as you refer to them, teach our children to dream. My Daughter is 12 years old, she is sitting here with me. You know what she said? It opens children's minds. And she is right.

Answer 8

children don't stay children for very long. perhaps parents do those things to try to shelter them from the very harsh truths about life that they will eventually learn anyhow, by trying to sugarcoat life for a little bit.

Answer 9

because it is all for the fun of being a kid. I am glad my parents never told me it would have ruined it . I would have been mad at them . Because it was so fun to think about the magical part of it all. DONT ruin it for ur kids!

Answer 10

so theyll have something to look forward to and its a good attention getter!!!!!!!!