My mother should I go?

Question

Hi,

Can anyone advise. Mum died recently and I took her home to New Zealand from London to scatter her ashes. Her birthday is on the 15th November and I feel that I should go back to see her but am scared that I will feel worse. My mum was my best friend and I am really lost without her what should I do

Answer 1

i lost my mom 10 yrs ago and i still miss her and i still feel bad, but she was very sick and had been in pain for what seems like forever. before she died , she said that i would forget her and i said how can i when everywhere i go i've been there with u. i go to my moms grave 3 times a year . her birthday, the anniversary of her death and christmas time. i missed the anniversary of her death this year and i did not berate myself, i just told her i love her still and to forgive me. she always does. if u can afford to go see her please do . it may make u feel worse at first but u will feel better later. if u can't afford to go , find a place where the 2 of u spent time together and go there and make that ur new spot. good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

Sorry to learn that your mum has gone!! So did my mother two years ago. As for going to visit her, of course this is something that only YOU can decide at the end of the day. However, if it will make you feel worse then I don't think you should.

I am sure your mum would have appreciated this!! Besides, you cannot travel back every year on her birthday just to wind up feeling worse. Remembering your mum & doing good deeds in life on behalf of her is the best thing one can do for parents.

Answer 3

life has to go on.

After my father died and i'd got over the initial grief, i found it much better just sitting and thinking about all the funny, good times. Not being religious, i have no grave, or place to go.

my father is in my head in my memories and thoughts and in me in a way as i have some of his genes.

personally, i think you would be better not to go. I find all the anniversary thing rather daunting, it put me back emotionally to just after his funeral when i kept remembering every anniversary.

think of your mum in a positive way and live your life the best you can for her. a place is not the same as the person in my opinion.

Thinking of your mum will make you feel she is with you in a way as you are able to recall the memory of her.

going to newzealand is fine if it is to get back to your roots, but otherwise you must get on with your own life now.

Answer 4

Yes You Must GO!! It is a way of connecting with her memory and coming to grips with her passing. You cant pretend it didn't happen and it seems as if you have not grieved properly. You need to go and let it all flow out don't hide it within. It will erupt later at the worst possible moment. I lost my mother 2 years ago and sometimes when I think of her I get sad but I remember how she was too and that fills me with warmth and I smile and go on. I feel your pain, be well. If you find that you cannot deal with it and you are not sleeping and continually crying seek group therapy on dealing with a loveone passing. It's usually free in most cities.

Answer 5

Your mother hasn't left you. She can still see you from where she is. When we die, we go to the "other side" which is like another world - heaven if you will. I haven't had a mother in my life and that is quite bad but I could never imagine losing one. If you go back to the special place, you will hurt but it will be healthy to let all your emotions out. No doubt you have dreams about your mother often. When you do, she is giving you loving messages. This is really her - not your imagination. She wants you to enjoy life and celebrate her life by living yours.

You are near the end of the tunnel and will come out with a fresh perspective. I hope this helped.

Answer 6

One zen master said to listen to the wind -- he'll be there but not in a form that will be able to answer our dualistic minds (minds that see ourselves and everything as separate). So ... if you decide not to go, maybe realizing she's everywhere can be helpful. If you do decide to go, you've defined that place as sacred and it's ok to have strong feelings along the way; if it helps to open you up to the possibility of what those who experience enlightenment realize (that separateness is an illusion), it can be helpful. It's all ok -- no matter what u do.

Answer 7

you've scattered her physical ashes in her homeland, spirituallly she's with you wherever you go, wherever you are, whenever you want. She will not want to see you unhappy because of her remains which have by now disappeared. Speak to her in your mind and in your heart, that's where she will be. She will love you always wherever you are. On the 15th you can pay tribute to her memory, the essence of her, her being, it can be in your own home or another place where you can celebrate and remember.

Answer 8

Gather some things that remind you of her and spend the day remembering your friendship with her. Read a book you both enjoyed, look at some pictures and be thankful that you had what many only wish they had, a real mom. Yes a few tears may come but that's all right ,just keep in mind all the blessings. She wouldn't have you depressed I'm sure.

Answer 9

I am so sorry, hon. One of the worst things abou t life is loosing the people we love the most. The advice will seem pretty mundane - I am sure - but rtry to talk to a good friend you acn trust, join a social club or do something you like when you feel up to it, be gentle on yoursel, and just grieve the way you want to

Answer 10

Religion is always there for you.

The travel seems a bit to long to New Zealand. All I can advise is just taking a trip to your local pastor, or whatever religious official your involved in.

Just think of it this way: Would your mother want you to be in this shape, as miserable as you are?

My condolences,
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