I love my girlfriend, I've been with her for five years and wouldn't take a minute back. We've been having sex on average once a month, and I feel that this is not enough, and I actually feel somewhat deprived. These are my true feelings, am I wrong?
2006-10-22 12:21:53 · 19 answers · asked by Zaz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay, first of all, Tall Bob is an idiot. Second of all, this relationship is mutual, I am comletely in love with this girl, the REASON we are not married by now is because we have SCHOOL. Sex IS very important, but it is not my objective. Oh and doggoneit, I'm not abusing her and treating her like a female slave, take your feminist accusations somewhere else. Answer the question don't lecture me on an irrelevant subject.
2006-10-22 13:35:24 · update #1
You're totally wrong. You don't have sex unless you're married.
2006-10-22 12:23:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on the pure LENGTH of that relationship.
However, how often you have sex varies with each couple. When I was married, I only had sex about once a month, as well. Tht was based on my own comfort level. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough for him, and he found "supplemental" sex.
Don't let it get to this point. And the only way to avoid that, is to talk with HER about it, in a nice way, and soon. Actually tell her "we need to talk" and sit down with her, face-to-face, without any distractions (not while cooking dinner, not while watching TV, not while driving, etc.). Tell her how you feel, and ask what her opinion is on it. After five years, sex is bound to trail off a little bit, but unless she knows how you feel, she can't respond.
Whatever happens, don't try and pressure her into doing it more often. If it doesn't really change after talking to her, don't keep bringing it up. When that happens, females especially, start to look at sex as a necessity to KEEP a relationship, and more of a "job" and less of an intimate expression.
Try finding new ways to please each other as well. The first step to this might be to walk into a novelty store together. Simply being in there, surrounded by all of the sex toys available, could be enough to get her aroused to the idea of using them.
And then, try bringing back some of the magic at first, by giving her a really awesome romantic DAY (not just an evening). A trip to a spa to get massages at the same time is a bonding AND relaxing experience. Follow it up with time doing something SHE wants to do, and then a romantic dinner, of course. Don't just take her to a casual dining place that you've been to many times before. Take her to a REAL fancy must-dress-up restaurant, or don a chef's hat and start cooking a candlelight dinner right there at home.
Follow it up with a make-out session, and move with it from there. What ever you do, spend lots and lots of time on foreplay. Once a relationship hits that "comfort level", women tend to need a LOT more foreplay to get fully aroused.
But remember, no pressure. Compromise is a beautiful thing.
2006-10-22 12:36:12 · answer #2 · answered by ltygress 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been with her for 5 years, you say? and you have been having sex once a month with her, you say?
For crying out loud, why aren't you married to her by now if you truly love her so much, as you say?
I think she feels that you are like many men thinking - "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", and that is why you and her only have sex once a month. Nothing is free in this world, buddy.
Maybe its time to step up to the plate and make a commitment with this girl. You'll have so much more sex after that, you might just have the cookie without milk now and then.
Go do the right thing.
2006-10-22 12:31:33 · answer #3 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
course ur not wrong! it's totally natural to feel like that, i would feel the same. You really need to talk to her about it. If she goes mad, then if you love her enough, you will have to accept that, and try to get over these feelings and think you would rather have it once a month with her than not at all. However, you may be pleasantly suprised and she may decide to compromise and maybe the fact that you told her how you feel, will make her see what knid of guy you are. Im sure it will work out ok for you. You MUST TALK TO HER THOUGH, DON'T GO GETTING IT OFF SOMEONE ELSE AND THEN TELL HER WHEN SHE FINDS OUT, BE BRAVE SOLDIER X
2006-10-22 12:27:01 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once a month is not sufficient if you are feeling deprived. Is she just not that into sex? Try to really talk about it with her. Make her open up about sex and why she isn't that into it. There's a lot of factors of why a women's sex drive is low, or why she possibly isn't enjoying sex with you. The more honest y'all are, the better & more frequent sex you'll have I'll guarantee it! Good luck.
2006-10-22 12:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by rrmorris45 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong at all. Some women use sex as a power tool. I can very much relate to your problem actualy. It would be wrong to make her feel guilty but you should sit down and find out why. If she really loves you as you say she does then maybe she will give you an explaination.
2006-10-22 12:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by Roger89 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are wholly correct in your feeling. Who is anyone to tell you otherwise? If this is a major problem for you though, it would probably be wise for you to sit down with your girlfriend and try to talk this out. Hopefully you two will reach a consensus, or at least some middle ground. Good luck!
2006-10-22 12:27:07 · answer #7 · answered by Justin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem to be placing too much emphasis on sex. But perhaps your feelings are a desire just for intimacy. Perhaps you just aren't feeling loved enough. Talk to your gf about and remember, sex is a privilege, not a right in a relationship. You are in no way entitled to it.
2006-10-22 12:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, talk to her about it, express honestly that you need it, sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is important.
2006-10-22 12:25:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no of course not, your not wrong at all, if you feel that your sex life isn't getting what it needs for your relationship, then do it more often. all that your doing is expression strong feelings for her, im sure that she appreciates what you do for her. maybe you should talk things out with her.
2006-10-22 12:25:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its good that you love her; it will depend on your age as to the number of times per month as well as where you live.
If you're not complaining then she may think that is all you are capable of giving her.
2006-10-22 12:35:34 · answer #11 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋