How do I tell my roommate that I'm wanting to move to a new place in two months, BY MYSELF?

Question

My roommate has just got out of the hospital for surgery on the back of his neck, and now he's been REadmitted to a psych ward for severe anxiety. (They nearly lost him on the operating table and had to revive him, so he's very shook up). Beyond this though, not to sound mean, but my roommate isn't exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. We have alternate lifestyles. I'm a quiet, reserved, homebody college student, and he's a middle aged, recently "out" gay man, who used to frequent the local gay bars every night. Since he's been here, I've had to cover him financially. If I'm going to do that, I decided, I might as well live alone, in a SMALLER apartment that's more affordable. However, I really need my roommate to stay the next two months to help with the bills. How should I bring this issue up? When is an appropriate time? He's still in the hospital now, but I want to give him enough notice to find other arrangements. what should I do?

Also, my name is the only one officially listed on my lease. He's on the lease as an occupant only. My lease is up at the end of December.

The girlfriend excuse won't work. He's friends with my girlfriend and knows she has her own apartment with her daughter, and has her own lease.

I don't consider myself being selfish at all. First of all, I paid HALF his rent last month, that he owes me. He's NEVER bought his own groceries, instead eats mine. I've loaned him money from the first month he's lived here, he's bugged me constantly to do things for him which he can do himself, and that keeps me from studying..so no, I don't think I'm being selfish, and I honestly don't feel as though I owe him anything, but I"m TRYING to be considerate as to his condition right now.

And also, he pays LESS than half the bills, and he makes more a month than I do. So no, I don't think I'm being selfish at all in asking him to pay his share for the next 2 months, in all honesty, I think it's owed to me.

Answer 1

Just tell him that the lease is up in two months and that you are not renewing it. Tell him that you are sorry that this is coming up during a a very difficult time in his life, but that you have decided that you now want to live alone. I know it's a difficult thing to do, but you don't have any other choice. You have to do what is best for you, and it sounds as though you have done what you can for him. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a tough situation. It sounds like you have some fear of making his situation worse (his anxiety, etc...)

I would simply tell him at the beginning of December that the lease is up at the end of the month and that you have decided you would like to try living on your own in a smaller place. There's no need to mention the fact that you've been covering for him financially, or that you aren't exactly happy living with him.

There may be drama, in which case you should just stay as calm as possible about the whole thing. Do not let him draw you into an argument, just be very firm, and very kind.

I think one month is enough time for him to make other arrangements, even if it means crashing on the couch of a friend (some other friend--not you!) for a little bit, until he can either get his own place or find a new roomie.

In the meantime, I advise you to quietly go about your business and start looking for smaller places that you can afford on your own. Also, if possible, tuck some money away in the next month so that if he gets upset and bails as soon as you tell him, you have enough money to cover yourself for December.

As for appropriate time, I suggested the beginning of December, and I stand by that. Simply pick a quiet time when you are both home (make an appointment to meet, if that's necessary), and lay it all out for him.

It's a hard situation. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

You don't need to make his problems, your problems. Tell him you need to move to a smaller apartment for financial reasons, and ask if he would like to take over the lease. Keep it factual and unemotional, but offer him the opportunity to take control of his own life. The fact that you have been supporting him financially is not a good element, and seems as if you think you "owe" him in some way. The whole situation sounds a little manipulative on both parts, particularly your wanting to keep him on for another two months for your financial benefit. Very messy. Cut your losses.

Answer 4

Your first step is to talk with the landlord or apartment manager about the rules on breaking the lease, to see if you can either force him to leave since it's your lease or if you can leave while the lease is going on.

If not, at the lease end sounds like the best time.

I did this myself at one point. I had a shared lease with 3 people (was not the lease holder though) and hated who I roomed with. I finally wanted to live by myself as well.

I simply told them that I was ready to move out on my own and wanted my own space and I would not be staying in the apartment at the end of the lease.

They were very upset and wanted me to stay on, not because they liked me (they hated me) but they wanted to force me to pay after the lease was over. I still left at the end of the lease and did not provide a forwarding address or phone number. Paid up my share of the bills and moved out.

It sounds cold, but that was what I had to do for my mental health.

Answer 5

Since your name is on the lease, simply tell him you can't afford it anymore and you have to do something else. If he tries to suggest paying for more of the rent, mention that his track record isn't so good and you simply can't afford it. You ought to tell him soon so he can make arrangements. You might try bringing it up by mentioning that the lease is up in December and ask him if he wants to sign it since you won't be able to. It isn't unreasonable to expect him to help with bills until the lease is up, since it sounds like you had a preexisting arrangement to that effect.

Even if he was your best friend, this is more stress than anyone should have to live with.

Answer 6

I some how doubt that's the full tale....you're merely telling us the section that makes you out to be the sufferer. Are you relatively merely "pals" with all of them? Do you have low self-worth and prefer validation from men? Did you have nowhere else to stay? it extremely is not everyday for a youthful woman to prefer to flow in with a bunch of dudes...i do no longer care how long you have known them....What you pronounced isn't spectacular....You knew this could take place yet you prevented the certainty, for despite the fact that reason and now you're in hassle...

Answer 7

Damn he is no self respecting gay man then. He is just a gay man with straight man habbits! Hell THAT SUCKS! I would just tell him that you want to move that this isn't working out for you. He needs a down grade too if he can't afford what you guys are in. I would turn it to where it is in his best interest to find a smaller place. "one without you!" DAmn i am sorry to hear that. I am gay and I own 3 homes so its not just a gay thing. I am sure you understand.

Answer 8

it is okay to just tell him the truth gently but arent you being a little tad selfish on the "However, I really need my roommate to stay the next two months to help with the bills"?

you'll like to bow out in your favour. be fairer and nicer to him. he will remember the kindness, especially with his condition.

if he is in no condition for discussion, perhaps you may wish to talk to his parents or his trusted friends. they can act as a 3rd party to mediate things and put the matter into perspective.

Answer 9

just do it and get it over with . maybe he'd prefer not to live with u and doesn't know how to tell u. ur lease is up in dec. thats right around the corner, u'd better start looking now.

Answer 10

Fine its a sensitive situation.

You have a new girlfriend or boyfriend (or whatever)!

Yes its a lie. But under the circumstances, it gets the job done, and no one gets hurt.

PS. Then find another one instead.