I am in love with this guy and he is in love with me. We have been together on and off for about 10 yrs. The problem is that I am not 100% sure if I want to be with him. I still get jealous when he talks to another female and there are times when he says he will call and doesn't. We aren't together right now and that is driving me crazy. We live in 2 different towns and haven't seen each other in a while, but we want to be together. I am torn, cause I want to be with him, but he upsets me when he doesn't call or return my calls. What should I do? Some one give me some good advice..
2006-10-22 12:05:05 · 28 answers · asked by goodlookin.mama 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
during this time I have been married and divorced and am a single mom of 2 kids. This guy says he is going to move up where I live and get a job and marry me, but I am not sure
2006-10-22 12:30:38 · update #1
Is it because you are not 100% sure you want to be with him or that you think he may not want to be with you 100%? Once you can work that out, I think the answer would be a lot clearer. You are having doubts, so there must be reason for you to doubt and I think the fact that he doesnt return your phone calls is enough to make any normal person doubt a person's sincerity.
You have been together on and off for 10 years and I am wondering why you arent together now and why you are both living in different towns? Ten years is a long time, and should be time enough for two people to decide if they want to be together full time.
Is it you or is it him that doesnt want to make the commitment? If it is true that you are in love with him and he is in love with you, then what is stopping you two from being together?
I get the feeling that you would like to make the commitment, but something about him is stopping you. You dont sound like you are very sure of his true feelings towards you and if that is the case you need to confront him on these issues. If he doesnt want to make the commitment to you after ten years then you need to ask yourself why?
Or maybe he is feeling unsure about your true feelings for him. Like I said, 10 years is a very long time for two people to be in love with each other without wanting to make a commitment, so who is the one who is not prepared to make the commitment...is it you or is it him? Without knowing that, it is very hard to give any kind of opinion.
If I was you, I would ring him and even if you cant talk to him personally, leave a message....tell him you love him and being away from each other is driving you crazy. Tell him that you want to make a commitment to him, that you want to work out a way that both of you can be together permanently. If he doesnt want to make a commitment to you then at least you will know by his response of lack of one. If he does want to make a commitment, then maybe this is what he has been waiting for. Maybe he needs to be told straight out that you want to be with him permanently. Maybe both of you are feeling insucure about your feelings because of the distance thing. Are either one of you prepared to move to be with each other? If both of you love each other, then nothing is impossible. But you need to be able to sit down and talk to each other about your true feelings. If neither of you are prepared to make a commitment to each other, then it is obviously not the right relationship for you. How long are you prepared to accept this on again off again relationship...20 years? You need to get to the bottom of it now because you need some stability in your life and if this man is not giving it to you, then isnt it better to find out the truth now than to wait another 10 years? I believe that it is always better to know the truth because without it you cannot make plans because all you are doing is guessing. He doesnt call, he doesnt return your calls. That can be one of two things.....1. He doesnt care enough about you, therefore you thinking he is in love with you is false. 2. He is feeling insecure and thinking that you dont care enough about him because you wont make any commitment to him, therefore he is thinking your love is false too. I dont know what one it is and only you talking to him in depth will find out the true situation.
The very first thing you have to do is to decide in your own mind if he is the man for you. If you decide that he is then you have to tell him that you are ready to commit to him. Say it straight and you will find out what his true intentions are. If you decide that he is not the man for you, then it is really wasting both your time to carry on with this on again off again relationship because it is solving nothing. You have a right to be happy and if this man isnt the one you want then I can assure you there is a man out there who you will want to commit to and who want to commit to you. Time is ticking...its already been 10 years without any kind of commitment. Work out what the truth is and then you will have the answer.
Good luck, I hope you find your ultimate happiness.
2006-10-22 12:30:19 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll never truly know if the two of you are meant to be unless you stay together for a much longer period than that. I'm not talking about living together but at least seeing each other on a daily basis.
Girl, if this relationship does in the end lead to marriage, you're gonna have to look at his face 24/7 for the rest of your life. Better find out what that's like first before you decide on anything.
Being jealous is normal. Being upset too. But these things can be worked out. As long as there's trust, understanding and love, everything else will fall into place.
2006-10-22 12:10:03 · answer #2 · answered by Stormbringer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that I am gonna say to you is that if you have been together for 10 years on and off and there is still jealousy, that is not a good sign. Jealousy only contributes to no trust and where there is no trust there is just problems. If you doesn't call, don't worry about it. You move on and do your own thing. I mean if you really think about, while your over here getting upset because he doesn't call you, he's probably hanging out with his friends having a good time and you are glued to the phone or even your cell. And if you are still not sure if you want to be with him or not then I think you really need to dig deep and figure out quick what you want. Sometimes guys don't like to wait around for along time, but they won't tell us. There actions speak for them selves.
2006-10-22 12:12:02 · answer #3 · answered by SuNsHiNe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should forget about him because if he is not returning your calls or calling you he is maybe seeing other females. Cause i can tell you this if a guy doesn't talk to you he doesn't want you and anyway why are you talking to him if he is in another town he maybe is seeing someone else. Or you dont have to go with my idea because remember you said you are 100% sure if you want to be with him or not. So do what u feel.
2006-10-22 12:24:02 · answer #4 · answered by Juicybre 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can tell you is to trust your instincts.Do you truly love this man?When you see him does your heart light up with joy?Do you think he is your Romeo and you are his Juliet?If you can honestly answer these questions and the answer is yes then you know the answer to whether you two should be together.Know that no relationship is easy.Their are times when you want to let go and there are times when you can't see the two of you not being together.Two people create a relationship and two people can make it fall apart.Follow your heart and I hope everything turns out for the best.
2006-10-22 12:21:51 · answer #5 · answered by VanE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-24 23:14:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ten years is along time to be with someone and not really be with them. You two need to either get married or end it. I was with someone for the same amount of time so I can say this and know what I'm talking about. If you aren't sure you want to be with him you don't!!!!! Mine asked me to marry him and that's when I knew it was over. I didn't really want to be with him. It was REALLY hard but I ended it and I am so much happier now! GOOD LUCK !!!
2006-10-22 12:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by tas-okay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just leading you on. It happens a lot, a guy will act all interested and might honestly be interested (for about 10 minutes) and then he forgets about you and doesn't care about keeping in contact. He always has you to sort of count on for you to be there so he can "be with you" if ever he wants to or feels like it. My advice is forget about him and move on to someone else. You've already wasted a lot of time on him and if you don't stop now you'll waste even more
2006-10-22 12:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by Triathlete88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are going thru a lot of needless stress. You say you have dated this man ten years. Why waste that much time on a man.? Have you ever heard that old song.. "If you don't know me by now"? It seem pointless to continue to allow yourself this hurt. Have you thought about why you don't want to be with him.. probably because you know it does not feel right. Do you want to get married on day... don't play yourself, spending your youth on the loser, and look up and be an old hen. lol
when u free your mind, it will allow mr. right to walk into your life. trust me, i know i have been there.
2006-10-22 12:14:54 · answer #9 · answered by Niecy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 10 years, if you two were really serious about each other, something would have developed before now. It sounds like you're happy knowing he's there when you want him to be and just as happy to be alone when it suits you, too. If he's begun to avoid communicating with you, then he's probably tiring of your long distance relationship as well. I'd say it's time to cut him loose and move on.
2006-10-22 12:11:43 · answer #10 · answered by STEVE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that sometimes comes with pure love because you are so scared that somebody else will get close to him and realize how great he is and they'll try to take him from you. But what u have to try to realize and understand is that he is there for u and only u and nothing will happen and its ok to give him full trust. about u two living seperately, it just takes more effort and dedication to each other. If its real love neither of u have anything to worry about
2006-10-22 12:10:51 · answer #11 · answered by le_le_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋