What would you do about this ignorant woman?

Question

My daughter and her daughter are friends. I have gotten to know the mom and she is really hung up on the fact that we homeschool. She says things like "I just couldn't take my children away from their friends like that." and "I would trust the education of my children to a teacher over you any day". It has not yet dawned on her that our daughters became friends outside of school which kind of blows her whole theory of socialization out of the water. I tried to explain that homeschoolers usually educate their own children but when some one "is the worlds for most authority on EVERYTHING" it is rather useless. My daughter has plenty of friends. I don't want to exclude this one little girl because her mother is so obnoxious but I don't want to be around her either. Just looking for suggestions? I already educate my kids I don't want to take on the burden of educating those who open their mouth in regard to stuff they know nothing about.

Answer 1

When she brings up the subject of home schooling, don't argue. It will not change her mind and only frustrate both of you. Just say something like, "Let's Agree to Disagree" and move on from there. You do not have to be her "best" friend but you do need to be civil for the children.

Answer 2

First off, I respect and admire you for taking on the role of educating your daughter...for that, you are a hero! As for this other lady, just let it go. Try to think of it from her point of view. She probably can't fathom having that responsibility and what it entails- and that is kind of understandable. To people in the school system (such as myself), we don't really know too much about home schooled kids and what that looks like. But from the home schooled people I have known, I totally agree that they aren't all bad at socializing....some have more friends than I do! So just realize that she really doesn't know what she's talking about. Let your daughter hang out with hers still, but do your best to limit your time around this lady (although I'm sure you already do) by being conveniently too busy to talk when she swings by to pick up her daughter, or whatever. Treat it as a lesson in patience! Best of luck

Answer 3

Well, if you are brave enough tell her in private that you don't want to hear, and have your child overhear her opinion of the subject.

You may want to point out to her that there is a world of information and many educated theories about how she is short changing her child with a conventional education. You do not criticize her choices and expect the same respect for a different way of doing things.

Unfortunately, she doesn't sound like the type that will understand, (otherwise she wouldn't have said these things in the first place) but it's the only chance to have the girls continue their friendship.

Answer 4

I, too, Home-school my daughter and have had to deal with people like her.

In the area where I live I find that several of the parents I know who Home-school are teachers themselves, or their husbands are. The majority have post-secondary education, are well spoken and are bright, intelligent people.

I am polite, but maybe you will have to deal with her in a different way. Perhaps you could say something like "I find that those who CAN teach their own children, do" or "Yes, I can see that it would be difficult for you to teach your daughter yourself, not everybody can do it"

I have actually had people say to me "I'm glad I don't Home-school because I don't want the responsibility of educating my own child" I tell them that they DO have exactly the same responsibility as I do, to make sure that their child gets a good education - I'm just taking a more direct route, but the responsibility for their child's education still rests with THEM!

With some people who inflict their opinions on you, you can be subtle, but with others you have to be more blatant.

Answer 5

Just continue to educate your daughter the way you see fit. Obviously the girls see something in each other aside from the learning experience, let them be. As far as this other woman, I would just ignore her,if she makes comments like that, she needs a higher education in manners. There is nothing wrong with home schooling, as long as the child is getting an education that's all that matters.

Answer 6

Just because your daughters are friends, it doesn't mean the moms have to be friends as well. As logn as both girls get along with one another, show respect to one another & the families, where they are being schooled doesn't matter. And there is no need to try to educate someone whose mind is already made up, especially when they are the self-appointed expert on life, the universe and everything.

Answer 7

Set up things where it's just the kids that come and not the parents.

Or make sure that every time she says something about it, you say something like, "Oh, I see. That's how it is for you," then drop it. Don't explain. She's not looking for explanations. She's either looking to let you know that she thinks it's a bad idea because she's a know-it-all or because she feels the need to defend her own choice in that way. You explaining when she's not looking for an explanation is putting yourself on the defence. Don't do it. You don't need to. It's okay that others don't get it.

Answer 8

Nothing. When you speak to her be civil. You owe that to your daughter. There is no need to interfere with your daughter's social life by getting into a row with one of her friend's parents. As far as this woman opening her mouth and saying ignorant things, just ignore it. Relish the fact that you're smarter than her but keep it to yourself. If she asks you questions about what you teach your daughter or how you home school, be honest and don't apologize. If she is rude or confrontational, politely tell her that you don't appreciate it and politely change the subject.

Answer 9

I would have to agree with those who say to limit your converstaions with this woman and not try to defend your choice. It sounds like she is justifying her choice by putting yours down, therefore, she will not be convinced by anything you say.

The MAIN thing I would watch out for is this mother's effect on the beliefs of her daughter. Based on the mother's vocal disapproval of homeschooling, she may (overtly or covertly) force her opinions on her daughter through her words and then her daughter could say hurtful things to your daughter about homeschooling.

Answer 10

Stop explaining things to her, there is no point in wasting your breath. Allow your daughter to be friends with the girl but limit your contact with the mother. Limit your communication with her to the minimum necessary to ensure the safety of your child. While it is nice if you can be friends with you child's friend's parents, it is not necessary.