I'd like to start a discussion, so to speak, about the title "military spouse".?

Question

Am I the only one bothered by this title placed apon me? The very second my husband became a soldier, I ceased to become a person with a name. I'm no longer Mrs. or any spin off of the sort. When I recieve letters from the military it is ALWAYS *Dear Military Spouse*. Now, I realize they must send thousands apon thousands of these very same letters to other wife's, and husband's but so does, let's say, the phone company, and they seem to place a name on the top of that sheet, without a problem.Let me give a few more examples as to why this grates on my nerves, like nails to a chalkboard. While my husband was in basic training, and during his graduation ceremony, I flew to visit, and such as we all do. I, being the lucky person that I am, happen to be there for *Military Spouse Appreciation Day!* I was totally taken aback by this special holiday. And what did I recieve from the military as a gift? Surprise! A free copy of military spouse magazine. I was ....

dumbfounded. I did take the time to thumb through it, reading about how to perform a dity move and the like, average military spouse chitchat. I love my husband and support both him, and the great efforts and sacrifices each and every soldier makes in his career but! Again, let me add another example....

When he arrived at his first duty station, I was 9 months pregnant. A Staff Sgt. made a call and proceeded to tell the reciever on the other end that he had a soldier waiting with an *issue*. So, not only do I not have a name, but now i'm simply a mere ISSUE.

yet another example: I was asked to join a program for military spouses, to *teach me life skills and how to be self sufficient*. now, i realize alot of soldiers are straight out of high school, and so are their wives, but please! I mean really! Do they really have such a low perception of spouses? that we cannot figure out on our own how to be just that?

Thank you all for the feedback, and yes even the hostile negativity. I think you are misunderstanding me. I am OF COURSE! very proud to be married to a soldier! My point is, Is it so wrong to want to be identified as an individual? Yes, it bothers me to be placed in such a generalized category, but at the same time I smile when I see,or hear it.

lol. wow. what an uproar. again, you are all blowing it way out of proportion, attacking me. and again, I have no lack of pride for my job as *military spouse* or my husband, or the government. I simply don't like being referred to as such. We ALL have some very trivial thing in life that irk's us to no end. This is no different.

Answer 1

Unlike some of the other comments I think that I can understand where you are coming from completely. Although I'm not a "military spouse" yet, I'm engaged to a soldier and we've been together for over 3 years so I've been around the military enough to notice some things. It seems that soldiers' wives tend to completely forget about their own individuality, dreams and aspirations and simply assume their husbands' identities. I've also been urged to attend "military spouse" clubs and family readiness groups, but I find that these groups tend to offer the same redundant information and seem to "dumb down" the wives and I don't seem to have much in common with any of the other women. I apologize if I'm offending anyone, but it seems as though the average soldier's wife is a young, uneducated, stay at home mother who doesn't really have much else going for herself besides her husband, so she's more than happy to assume his identity (military spouse) without complaint. At 24 I already tend to be one of the older women, college educated, have a great job with solid income, and no children. I completely support my fiance in his decision to serve, but I refuse to be one of those "military wives" who sits at home crying to all of her other "military wife" friends doing nothing with her life but waiting for her husband to come home. (And yes I have been through a deployment plus several other occasions where he's been gone in the field)
I don't think that the generalized term of "military spouse" is going to change until the women start assuming their own identities, setting goals, and having dreams of their own. Unfortunately, I don't see this happening anytime soon.

Answer 2

There's an old saying "if the Army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one".

I've been an Army wife for 18 years and being a military spouse has been the least of my worries. That's exactly what I am. I'm an Army wife....a dependent.....a military spouse. Maybe instead of taking issue with the free magazine, you should have read it and been thankful to get it. At least they have a day set aside for us and they honor us. None of my friends have ever been honored at their husbands job. And it IS an honor to be an Army wife....a military spouse.

You were referred to as an issue because you did have an issue, you were pregnant. That's not how we like to think of it, but that's how they think of it. The soldier has a job to do. It's a 24/7 job. There's no time for all that "fun" stuff or "issues" that being married bring. One of the biggest jobs of the military spouse is to be strong and independant. They don't want you to rely on your soldier because he's not always going to be there. It goes back to him having a job to do.

After I go married, I couldn't tell anyone what my social security number was. The only one I knew was his. I use his over and over again. I knew his unit phone number better than I knew my own home phone. Once we had our daughter, I had to carry her social security number on a piece of paper so I would know what it was. Now she's old enough, everything is in the system. The mail comes to him. The phone is in his name. It's our life. It's a good life. I've never had a problem being the spouse. I have so much pride in my husband. And he does deserve all the credit. It's just an honor to know he's mine.

I don't know what else to say. I think you're looking at this the wrong way.

Answer 3

Sorry I didn't read the other answers, but heres my input. I am a military spouse have been for 7 years. The classes offered are informational classes for those who need them. Some are informational some are common sense, which unfortunatley a lot of people don't have. Being TITLED a military spouse is a very generalized thing, but what is their priority, it is our spouse the enlisted. We as military spouses are not supposed to be looked at as an individual we are our husbands support group and that is what we should do (by the militarys standard, not mine). It occasionally gets me worked up, but in the end I AM VERY PROUD of my husband, a US Soldier, a veteran, and a hero, and them calling me a military spouse, kind of makes me proud when I think of it that way. So get some pride and think of your hero and take that name (military spouse) with your head high.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say this, but you really seem to be getting worked up and irritated over nothing. When the Military sends out letters or information concerning Military spouses, I'm sure it's just easier to word it "Dear Military Spouses" or "Dear Spouses." It's no different then when I receive a letter sent out by a teacher concerning not just my child, but their entire class, and the letter begins with "Dear Parents." It's just not something worth getting all upset about. And anytime I have ever received a letter from the Military that was sent to just me, it's always worded "Dear Mrs...." then my last name.
I have always been treated with nothing but respect from my husband's commands. Anytime I call, they are respectful. Maybe the guy who answered the phone at your husband's command didn't know your name, or maybe he didn't think that what he said would insult you. I doubt very much that he was trying to offend you.
As far as Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I think it's a good idea! I think Military Spouses need to be recognized for the part we play in our loved ones career. It may not be a huge thing, but I'm proud of every certificate that I have received from my husband's commands over the past eight years since I married him. They all thank me for the support and sacrifices I make so he can do his job without worrying about home.
Nobody is deliberately trying to offend you. This is the way it's always been, and I don't think it's going to change.

Answer 5

Damaged - Danity Kane Damned If I Do Ya - All Time Low Dance 2night - Madonna Dance in the Dark - Lady GaGa Dance Like There's No Tomorrow - Paula Abdul & Randy Jackson Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Ke$ha Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers Darlin - Avril Lavigne Deep In My Heart - Britney Spears Devil In Me - Kate Voegele Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects Disturbia - Rihanna Domino - Jessie J Don't Be A Girl About It - Kelly Clarkson Don't Stop Believing - Journey Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3 Dragostea Din Tei - O-ZONE Drops Of Jupiter - Train Hope that helps!!

Answer 6

I think it is great that you are an Army Wife. My wife happens to be one as well. My Mom was a Navy wife, as were my grandmothers. You seem a bit older than most "new" army wives (spuses) so you probably know how to gt around on your own. you would be surprised at the amount of spuses and soldiers that don't know how to shop or to fend for themselves. We have these programs so I, the PSG, don't have to take young Soldier and his spouse sround post and answer simple questions. We develpe these prgrams so that we take care of oour own and to make them feel welcome in what might a very unnerving time.
References to "Army spouse", while not very flattering makes it time effecient and less costly. Not the greatest answer but given the amount of spuses the army has it's probably a lot warmer than would be received from any other corporation.
You'll fund that everyone, except the middle aged white man, has an appreciation day or month in the military.

Welcome

Answer 7

Young lady you don't know how well you have things today compared to military wives from yester-years had. We made our military moves without any help from anyone during my 20+ years of service. There were no military spouse magazines, no classes offered for our wives to adapt to things she should know. Our wives didn't complain about the individuality's your coming up with back then they knew they were married to military men and adapted as such. If all you have to complain about is not having your name on a letter, forget it and move on. The military is not there just for your comforts and individuality, they are there to protect our country and trying to at least keep you women informed and most likely doing a hell of a good job doing it. We use to have a saying... "We take care of our own". Military wives did their own thing back then and took care of each other.

Answer 8

Be proud to be a military spouse. I am. It is a title of distiction, wear it proudly. You are the backbone of the active duty military. We keep the home fires burning when our men (or women) are out fighting the good fight. It's not a title meant to belittle you but to distinguish you! I can't say I have ever had a problem with the military not referring to me by last name. You are probably referring to santardized forms like from Tricare. It's part of military life. Get used to it, this is quite literally the smallest of the many challenges you will face as a miltary spouse!

Answer 9

The military has been handling family issues for decades, the manner in which they do it has evolved to fit the need. The military , as a whole, operates in the fastest and most effective way possible. They do this in everything, from chow lines to uniform issue, the military spouse is no different. They are not trying to demean you, only inform you in the most efficent way. The military is also notorious for de-personalizing everything, as in Sgt. whoever or Pfc. so and so. You are part of a mass efficency organization that simply uses the methods that work for it.

Answer 10

Well, military spouse is not as bad as 'camp follower'! At least it's a generic term that applies to all 'spice' be they male or female! Worse, however, is the class distinction that applies in the British and Australian Armies, relative to women. I have heard on a few occasions, references to the Officer's Ladies, the Sergeant's Wives and the Men's Women. Now that is truly offensive!