My husband was a medic in the military..?

Question

for 14 years - he basically started when he was 18 years old. We are in Canada. He was deployed to Iraq during desert storm and had other similar assignments. Recently he has been waking up at night screaming - and I mean screaming! I believe it may be related to what he saw out there but he won't talk to me about it. He says the things he saw out there are not up for discussion. I'm not going to press him as I don't believe this will help matters.
What can I do to help and comfort my husband? I would love to think that I can understand, as I am an emergency nurse and have seen some pretty gruesome things myself, but I've never seen or expereinced war time. However, our children are frightened waking up to one of their parents screaming in the night, and I would like to see my husband find some closure with these bad memories. What should I do?

Answer 1

I know what he is going through. I served in Viet Nam & Gulf 1. I had nightmares allthe time , more about Viet Nam then Gulf 1 because I saw more death there then the Gulf.I drove my loving wife nuts because she didnt know what to do to help me. She tried but untill I found a group I could talk to nothing changed. When I joined a group of Vets I could talk to Things very slowly changed. I still have nightmares but not that often anymore. Thank God I had a very supportive wife to help me through this. It sound like you are like her & he is very lucky to have someone like you to love him & see him through this. I will be praying for both of you. I was 6 days over 18 when I went to Nam. I know I was scared the whole time I was there. War IS HELL.

Answer 2

Trust me, your husband will not speak to you about those things. And it is very, very doubtful that he would just open up to a shrink on the civvy side either.

If anything, he would need to talk to a more specialized psychologist or social worker, or a chaplain. As a veteran of the Canadian Forces, he should still have access to the whole range of our medical care, including mental health facilities. And our padres are always ready to listen to someone else.

However, another place he might find some support would be amongst other veterans. These people would not even look at me until I joined the military myself, but now that I wear the uniform, I have heard them talk about what they have gone through, and I suspect that, considering that most of those men are doing quite well for themselves these days, they would be good people to talk to.

Answer 3

I left the army at age 33 suffering from PTS for the first 3 years it was a contant nightmare in and of hospitals. but I made a concious desicion to beat it and I did. I made myself remember things and vocalise them to anyone and everone whether they wanted to hear or not. My belief is that the nightmares and flash backs are just distorted memoriers and emotions that need to be dealt with and they start when the brain feels it is safe to deal with them however unpleasant. I returned to university and gained a nursing degree in my forties so that I could work with vets in the psych wards here. I encourage them to do the same as I did they have to exept their memoriers as real and express the emotions that they were not allowed to express at the time Its a long slow process so be patient and good luck

Answer 4

All you can do is just be there and be understanding when these nightmares wake him up. It's quite a common occurrence of war time veterans.

Answer 5

be supportive and try to get him help, they say that men who have seen war always see war, maybe find a group of solders that have meetings, and he can talk with them. my heart goes out to you and your family, good luck.