I'm 30 and I live with my daughter J.(4-year-old) and my best friend(K. - she is 15-year-old,very mature,an orphan,I adopted her when she was 10 but she has never been my daughter,we both are very close friends).My daughter never listens to me,I sometimes have to spank her because she likes to misbehave when around me.But she always listens to K.(K. never spanks J. and usually her positive disciplining methods are very effective but I think spanking the misbehavior is better.Anyway J. likes K. very much(K. is like her 'second mother' - she doesn't only play with J.,she does everything I do with my daughter - clothing, feeding,disciplining).I'm afraid J. loves K. more than me.What should I do?
2006-10-22 07:10:00 · 11 answers · asked by daniela k 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First of all, spanking is not effective in the long run. It only solves the problem temporarily. You should want your child to listen to you because she wants to not because she is scared not to.
Second, having a 15 year old as a best friend is kinda wierd.
Thirdly, it is common for children to listen well to anyone else other than their primary caregiver.
Lastly, please try to go to some parenting classes. This will benefit both you and your daughter tremendously.
2006-10-22 07:16:59 · answer #1 · answered by Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think spanking the misbehavior is a better way? K never spanks and you said she has positive disciplinig methods.Yes you are right,K has positive disciplining methods and you should learn from her.Most thinks its wrong for a man to hit a woman and most thinks its wrong to hit a animal but its alarming on how many thinks its ok to hit a child.Everyone says I hate my parents for hitting me but then turns around and say I hit my kids because I was hit as a child and it done me no harm.Funny huh? But anyways you might want to learn from K on how to discipline your daughter.She respects K more then you which is not a good thing.But then again you gotta give a child respect to teach them to respect and hitting a child is not respect.
2006-10-22 07:34:32 · answer #2 · answered by darlene100568 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are like sisters with an 11 year difference.
You may need to have a discussion with your adopted "daughter" in regard to disciplining your daughter.
If her methods are successful, you might want to consider using them. Spanking isn't necessary if there are better methods of discipline.
I'm sure its tough not to feel jealous in your position, but boyfriends and school will soon take over for both of them and change the balance of your situation.
2006-10-22 07:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try your friends' positive discipline method couldn't hurt. Spend extra time with your daughter J. J probably sees K as a friend too. K is 15 and may be able to relate easier to J. You may need to ask your friend not to discipline your daughter. This may be confusing your daughter as who to listen to. It sounds like your daughter may see your friend as a parent too. Good luck
2006-10-22 07:24:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that you daughter loves you less. Im sure that she loves you very much. Her method of discipline is just very different from yours and she probably feels that she can approach her more because of that. I suggest that you change your method of discipline because spanking will not get anywhere, your girl probably feels scared because of that.
2006-10-22 07:21:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, i am sorry. I'm sure that your daughter doesn't love k better.you're her mother. try a little bit of what k does on disciplining and all that.sign k up for a bunch of after school hobbies so that you can spend more time with your daughter. It's okay though you are J's mom she will always love you more. besides she probably just likes to hang out with k more b/c all little girls like to hang out with teenagers. all of the girls i know do. the little girls don't know anybetter. chin up things will turn out your way soon!
2006-10-22 07:16:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daniela may be you should try not to be too harsh on her you know if you don't spend a lot of time with try too because you don't want to lose your daughter over a 15 yrs old.
2006-10-22 07:22:11 · answer #7 · answered by Dia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww, dont ever feel like that. your daughter knows you are her mother and loves you. kids like to be lil butts sometimes with the parents but they still love you. its normal for the your daughter to have fun with and love the 15 yr old. you should be glad she has someone else too to love. if it really starts to bother you just sit down wit K alone and tell her how you feel but dont let it get to you. tell K just to back off a lil in a nice way but your daughter loves you and knows who you are ok.
2006-10-22 07:20:55 · answer #8 · answered by GuBur 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'r showing more attention to J. You need to change that. Even you love you'r daughter, you'r not showing it to het. If you don't change. You'r going to lose you'r daughter.
2006-10-22 07:15:43 · answer #9 · answered by alfonso 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
? ask a more exerpericnced some one
2006-10-22 07:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by darsun82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋