Are we rude?

Question

my husbands cousins gave our 3 sons a 5$ jack in the box card for x-mas last year and they knew that we were going to be having x-mas together for 2 months. not only that but they were eating the jack in the box when they gave them the gifts. This year my mother in law is having x-mas day at their house and we are declining to go, my husband thinks that they were rude to give a "thoughtless" gift and doesn't wish to spend the holiday with his cousins if we can spend it at home. We usally drive 2 hours on x-mas day to his mothers. His family however says we are being rude for not appreciating the gift and thinks it sour of us for not wanting to attend. Are we being rude for wanting to stay home for once and do we have the right to be upset about last years gifts? Isn't it the thought that counts? But it seems to us that there wasn't any thought.

Answer 1

Well ...two wrongs do not make a right. If you feel their gift was only a "token gift" and not given much thought then your response brings you down to their level. Families grow in size and there comes a time when you just cannot buy gifts for everyone, it is too expensive. A good hug should be sufficient. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay home or maybe you can invite them to your home for a change.

Answer 2

Technically, there was thought because they did buy something. But I agree with you, it seemed like a very last minute gift and almost an after thought because they were eating from the restaurant. But on the flip side, did they just not know what to get your sons? As for attending at your mother in laws, if they are making that big of a deal about it and you don't want to fight it anymore, go. But buy his cousin gift cards to Jack in the Box. Maybe they'll get the hint. Or at least the feeling they gave you. If you decide to stay home, know that a million other families do it as well (most of them military). There's nothing wrong with stay home and starting some traditions of your own.

Answer 3

I don't consider you to be rude at all. But you sort of answered your own question in your question when you said----Isn't it the thought that counts? A gift is a gift and should be appreciated no matter how much it cost or what it is. You need to think about family also. I don't know if your parents are still alive or if both of your husbands parents are still alive, but if you can't go for anyone else, go for your parents. Your parents are not around forever and they can be taken away from you in a split second. I just lost my Mom a short while back and now, both of my parents are in Heaven. I am only 45 and the baby of the family and I would give anything if I still had my parents in my life. I could go the rest of my life without seeing anyone else in my family totally because of the way they all act. But my parents will never be here again for me to hug or talk to. Just think about it in this way and then make your decision. Good luck. Also, I do have to agree that the 5$ jack in the box card wasn't well thought out, but they probably didn't get anything until the very last second and just got whatever they could at the time because all the stores was closed or something. Or they just got that because it was easy and care free. I would rather just have a plain card than something like that.

Answer 4

They are just Cousins my gosh.....Maybe they don't know any better....it doesn't sound like they did this on purpose....maybe just ignorance on their part.
For your mother'in'laws sake, continue to see her on Christmas. We never know when it is our last holiday together, do we? My husband and I travelled anywhere from 500-1000 miles one way for 3 times a year for 23 yrs. We had jobs, babies, baby stuff, gifts, etc.... Yes, it was hard on us. We were tired and grouchy by the time we got there. But we were all together. We lived so far away we could only visit at Christmas, Summer and Easter. I taught school and the kids were in school. So be grateful you don't travel that far. And don't let down your family because of some so-called thoughtless gifts. It is not the gifts that matter. It is the TIME spent together. Other than the giftcards, did the rest of the visit go well? Take Mom out for a treat without the cousins......play cards with her.....take pictures with her....remember one day, you will be a mother in law or want people to come visit you at Christmas.

Answer 5

I think you have a right to be upset and I don't think you're being rude at all. You said "isn't it the thought that counts?" Well, yes, it is. What they gave you wasn't a thought, but an afterthought. It was something they thought about while eating at that restaurant. No one likes to be an afterthought.

You can have Christmas wherever you want. You do not have to attend if you don't want to, especially when someone there has made it clear that they don't think of you. Why would you want to spend time with them? I know I wouldn't!!

You guys stay home if you want and have a wonderful Christmas!! Sometimes the best holidays are the ones where you don't go anywhere!

Answer 6

I know exactly where your coming from! We have the same issues with my in laws. We spend months looking for the perfect gifts for our nieces and nephew and always buy gifts that are well constructed. I'm not necessarily saying expensive but things that aren't going to fall apart after two hours of play. And my in laws, both mother and father in law and brother and sister in laws wait until the last minute and get cheap things from the dollar store. It makes us angry knowing that we put time and thought into our gifts and our kids were last minute purchases. Anyhow, I don't think you all are wrong in the least to want to not go this year. We finally put our foot down last year and while the kids didn't get as many presents for Christmas, there was considerably less stress because we weren't angry over the cheapness of the gifts and the fact that the kids were mad or crying because their new toys broke so quickly. Good Luck and stick to your guns!

Answer 7

I agree that the gift given to your sons was very thoughtless,and I also wonder why you seem to still be dwelling on this almost a year later. it seems to me that there are much more important things in life. "It's the thought that counts" ,simply means that the person was thinking about you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending the holidays at home. I would challenge you to ask yourself, if you are staying home, because of a desire to stay at home, or because you are holding a grudge. I hope that your holidays are wonderful no matter where you are!

Answer 8

Yes its rude, they didn't have to get your sons anything at all and you should teach your children how to be greatful for ANY gift that they receive no matter how small it is. Great way to teach your boys about being polite. Ever think about the children that don't even get to celebrate Christmas - think about how overjoyed they would be to get 50 cents in a starter piggy bank!!! Christmas is suppose to be about spending time with the people that you love and I agree with your mother-in-law. Your reasoning for wanting to stay home is also rude. If you honestly wanted to stay home for an initmate Christmas gathering with just your husband n your boys, that would be fantastic, but you claim you are staying home because your husband doesn't want to spend time with the "thoughtless cousins"! Thats just wrong.

Answer 9

You have every right to spend the holidays where ever you wish. But, don't be too hard on your 'cousins' for their selection of gifts. Afterall, they did get them a gift. You should have taught your sons to politely say, 'Thank you'. Families do tend to grow apart sometimes but, it's sad. Perhaps you should suggest that you and the cousins should dispense with the exchange of gifts now. It's hard to keep up if there's a large family. Also, hard to keep thinking of ideas for gifts. Just try to enjoy each other's company.

Answer 10

I don't think you being rude. I think they being rude. If they knew you were coming over for Christmas they should of put more thought to their gift giving. There so many toys out there that cost $5 to give fast food to a kid it has to be the worst gift ever they cant even buy a full meal deal with it. Spend Christmas with your in-law they will appreciate the company of your family much more.