iWhat do i need to do to get thru to my 15 year old daughter.?

Question

I have a daughter that thinks she should have more privelages, but i know she just wants to be out of her home to get her plans rolling at her friends house with a new boyfriend that i dont no how to approve of cause i know its not time for her yet. She gets to involved. When is the time to let them go and let them start the heartbreak journey?

Answer 1

A few thoughts. First, I'm a cop, and deal with domestic issues like yours all the time. And for some reason, 15 seems to be the magic number.
Second, I'm also a parent. Here's my take on your problem.
You need to concentrate on being a parent to your daughter, and not so much a friend. Friends she's got plenty of; she needs an authority figure. Is dad at home? If not, that makes you absolute tyrant and ruler in your household. No ifs, ands or buts. Your word is not negotiable.
Under the law in many states, parents have the right to use force to discipline their kids. And I've seen a lot of parents who either don't realize this (think its abuse and they'll go to jail), or just feel squeamish about using corporal punishment. The problem is, kids are basically animals without discipline. If allowed, they WILL walk all over you. I've had teens call the police and want to report their parents for hitting them, and I get there and basically tell them "too bad." They're lucky they have a parent who cares enough to go that far.

Ok, based on your question, I would say that instead of "getting through" to her, which may be impossible at that age, you need to get more strict. She have a computer in her room? That's the first thing that needs to go. At least put it in a common room where her activities can be watched. She won't like it, but tough.
I would even go so far as to take her bedroom door off the hinges. Teenagers don't have a right to privacy.
Set curfews and enforce them. If she doesn't come home when she's supposed to, report her to the police as a runaway.

Teenagers especially crave rules and boundaries, and respect someone strong enough to enforce them. They may say they hate you now, but later on they'll love you for reigning them in.
The alternative can be MUCH worse. Pregnancy, and/or drug use. As far as sex goes, you can't watch her all the time. You have to be realistic about it, so at least teach her the consequences of her actions. There are organizations out there that can help. Remember, better to have an embarrassing talk about "where babies come from" now, than be a young grandmother 9 months from now!!

When is it time to let them go? When YOU feel they're truly ready for it. Not when THEY want to.

Above all, no matter what course you take, communicate CONSTANTLY that what you are doing is because you truly love your daughter, and give a damn about what happens to her. Being tough on her, with the underlying theme of your true heartfelt concern, will eventually sink in.
Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Mom, u need to let her go now. She is 15 and is growing up, u are going to either let her have some le way or she is going to end up doing it behind ur back. And when they go behind ur back is when they do what is wrong and get into trouble and then feel that since they had to sneak around that they can't talk to u when someting goes wrong or they get hurt. U want to keep those lines of communication open for her and let her know that she has a little le-way and that u love her and that she can talk to u about anything even if u don't want to hear it.. I am a mom of 2 teenage boys and a soon to be teenage girl, and they all know that they can come to me anytime they need to. So mom let her start to live and learn, buy her a cell phone and makes sure she has rules and curfews so that she knows she is not just going to be running the streets all the time....

Answer 3

Not fifteen, that's for sure. Keep close tabs on her if you can. If she gets too involved now, what would she do with MORE freedom???? Scary. Unless you want grandkids, I suggest you talk to her and get her involved in a church group of kids. I have a friend who her daughter moved out at l7 to live with 3 other older people. 2 guys and a girl...and the boyfriend was bad . They were a close mother/daughter. But honestly, I think my friend was overprotective to a point and too much of a best friend kind of mother.....now they are estranged and not talking....it is sad. They used to be so close. But her daughter has been rebelling a long time. Her mom caught her in bed drunk with this older guy...and now they are living together.
Depending on your daughter's strong will......she will do what she wants to anyway....just let her know that you love her and will be there for her always.

Answer 4

Difficult to answer. Every kid is different. What I would do is get the boyfriend to come over for dinner and get to know him. see how they are together. If you trust him, let them go out on a date with a definite 'be home by' time.Allow your daughter to earn your trust. She's bound to screw it up a couple times, but you have no real choice but to try again. Make sure she knows that she can come to you with ANY problem. Let her know that , as long as she brings you an issue, you'll help her out with minimal preaching, punishment or consequences. Keep those communication lines open, and hopefully you two will come to trust each other.
You can't keep her caged up. If you're too constrictive she'll rebel.
Watch her closely, let her fly a bit and crash a bit. Be there to help her back up.

Answer 5

Sorry to be the one to inform you-- but if you haven't got the message across to your daughter by this time-- chances are extremely slim that you are going to do any good at all trying to make the case for her leading a fully aware and responsible life....
At the ripe old age of fifteen, most youngster are convinced that they have a full understanding of the entire thing and don't need anythng but the FREEDOM to live it out-----
There is absolutely no way to be at supervision over a youngster 24 / 7 and the truth of the matter is-- they know your schedule better than YOU do-- that is part of the factors figured into What they do and When they do it----
Best way to have a fifteen year old that lives responsibily is to first have them clued in and towing some kind of mark by the age of twelve !!!
At this point-- when she hears what you have to say-- it is no more to her than hearing you tell her that she has to _______________(whatever) and in her mind she is saying ------WHATEVER--- knowing that she'll do whatever she wants and thinking ----you'll never know
I don't even know your daughter-- but I guarantee you -- I know your daughter-- she is convinced that YOU are CLUELESS !!!

Answer 6

After she turns 18 and is no longer your problem. She already knows everything and includes how stupid you are! She has all of the answers. If she gets into trouble now, the law holds you responsible. After her 18th it is all on her. It is too bad that you can not take her to a home for unwed mothers, or a detox center for drug addicts. This is where she might get a real education. But, kids seem to think that "It won't happen to me!" I know from living for 54 years that it does happen to them.

Ever listen to Joy Brown on the radio? You should. See if you can find her locally. This gal makes a lot sense, and can help you if you call her.

Answer 7

15 is definitely not the time to let them go. Have a talk with her and tell her how you feel. At that age she thinks she can do anything because she's a little more competent but the truth is she's still go a lot to learn and you don't want her to learn the wrong way.

Answer 8

Let me tell you a true story, My daughter when she was 14 went through the same stuff. I REFUSED to turn her loose to run with friends. Yes I was mean and she hated me for it. Then less than 2 weeks latter her girlfriend "who had no supervision" went to a party and got SHOT in the head by a boy playing with a gun. She lived, but is not the same girl we once knew. Now my daughter can't thank me enough for looking out for her.
The moral of this TRUE story is,, Let her hate you now but stick to your knowledge of being a watchfull parent. She will have a lifetime to thank you and love you latter. Good luck.

Answer 9

Speaking as a teenage girl myself, hopefully you two have a semi-good realtionship. If you have a good realtionship she'll know her boundaries, what's right and wrong to do, etc... Give her the freedom she wants, but until she does something you don't approve of make restrictions until they two of you can agree on privelages and etc...

Answer 10

i know i have been trough the same thing with my daughter, just let her know that the are the one who pays the rent, food and utilities, that shes is supposed what you want her to do because you are the mother, let her also knows about her friends that you would like to meet their parents so she could have more trust that way, believe me it works for me and i am Hispanic, is she wants a boyfriend tell her that the most important thing right know is the school, that she must graduate from h.s and she must prepare herself for the future so she wont depend in nobody not even who ever is going to be her husband.