I am currently in school study to be a Physician's Assistan and have 3 more years to go. I want to finish school first and then have a child but my husban wont even consider it. He says we either have a child now or we are not having children at all. I'm really lost and don't know what to do.
2006-10-22 05:33:44 · 11 answers · asked by KBCCVS 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
i have good news to offer you. You are not your husbands rag doll. You are making steps to provide and secure your future. Your husband needs to respect this, it's non-negotiable. You're young and have a bright future, and should not feel obligated to bear children at 20 in the middle of securing your career goal. If things dont work out in the long run who pays the price?
Look, you sound understandably intimidated; remember this though, your ambitions and goals are every bit as important as his are. There is no compromise in "I want children now or I hit the door." If he's not willing to reason with you, he will ultimately lose. He's been fortunate enough to marry a 20yr old that knows what she wants, not a baby-maker.
2006-10-22 05:35:43 · answer #1 · answered by oracle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the post before me. But no need to re-hash that situation about not pre-planning. What is done is done. Nevertheless, you and your husband appear to need counseling. Children are indeed a blessing and should be something that the two of you want simultaneously. People judge parenting by their so-called Biological clocks ( I am going on the fact he is a little older than you). Today, people are choosing to wait for financial, educational and personal reasons to have children. There is no real rush and you are young yet. But this decision should be mutual or it will cause a major rift between the two of you because it takes two people who really want a child to raise it.
2006-10-22 05:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by KAREN B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should not force you into pregnancy right now. If he really loves you than he wouldn't even say anything like that.
HOWEVER! Tell him that if he is so horny to have a kid then you will be happy to bear one and HE can stay his happy butt at home and do the Mr Mom thing while you finish your education.
Sounds like he is controlling and selfish, and I'd even bet his unwed mother has to get rabies shots every year.
If he presses it, get some councilling. If that doesn't work, divorce him. A marriage isn't about just one person and you are neither a broodmare nor his slave.
Was he like this before you married him?
Are you sure aren't wasting your life on him?
2006-10-22 09:38:23 · answer #3 · answered by raptorsmoonrising 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm..... thats tough. I say, if your husband really loves you he wouldn't give you an ultimatum like that (not saying he doesn't love you...). But, he needs to know that he cannot make you choose like that. In three years, you both will still be young enough to have children. I don't really understand his rush. I think you should get your degree first if thats what you want... if not, you will always regret not getting it... because after you have children, theres a chance you may not ever make it back to going to school. Don't let him force you into something you don't want to do. Tell him to go buy a puppy. :D
2006-10-22 05:37:57 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are definitely the smart one in the marriage. there's not rush to have children and it seems that waiting a few more years isn't going to hurt. finish your school. it will make your more financially stable so when you do start having children you will be able to afford all the things your child will need. ultimately, its your body and he can't make you do anything you do not want to do. you are young and have your whole world ahead of you. enjoy the time you and your husband have together. when you have kids, its hard to get a moment to yourself. trust me, i had children at 19 and we are still waiting 12 years later for our honeymoon.
2006-10-22 07:32:03 · answer #5 · answered by haikuhi2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its your body and he is being hugely inconsiderate of what you want and need at the moment. put your foot down finish school first (your really right you need to do this now not after children). When your all done with school and ready to have children chance are your husband will still want them. he's not going to suddenly not want children... hes just trying to pressure you unfairly.
2006-10-22 06:01:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are not going to be his “baby making slave” and you want an identity of your own. Besides why do you need to have children in the first place. The world is way too crowded.
2006-10-23 11:17:03 · answer #7 · answered by Marvin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not ready then don't have a baby. You and your husband should probably consider marriage counseling. That will bring out any lingering issues, and could save your marriage.
2006-10-22 05:38:04 · answer #8 · answered by KCH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should have been a topic covered before you two got married because having kids can tear couples apart if they both feel differently about it. I would sit down and talk to him about it, and ask him why he won't wait. and then go from there.
2006-10-22 08:07:17 · answer #9 · answered by Chandra H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i dont know what kind of relationship u have with ur mom but thats the best person to talk too!!!! i also agree with kitty but if it comes down to it if he loves u he will make considerations for u!!!
2006-10-22 06:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by lauralee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋