My girlfriend and I have been together for over four years and living together for three and a half years. We have a year and a half old son, and our families are really pushing us to get married. I feel that maybe we should get married to make it official and to avoid questions from our boy when he gets older. I also feel that just because a couple are married doesn't mean that their relationship is any better than a couple who doesn't get married. When you get right down to it, marriage is a peice of paper. I'm not afraid of committing for life because I already have. What are everyone's thoughts on this?
2006-10-22 05:12:05 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yes I agree with you that marriage can just be a piece of paper and it is more about the intention and committment. But I would suggest you get married for legal reasons. If either of you should die it does protect the other spouse especially if you own a home, survior payments etc. It makes it easier so that there is less paperwork and heachache..it also protects your son should anything happen to the both of you..I am not sure where you live but it might also provide a tax break if where you live does not recognize common law relationships.
2006-10-22 05:18:33 · answer #1 · answered by muggin_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm with your parents on this one, and I'll go against the grain and say that marriage is a hell of alot more than just the legal piece of paper saying you're married. But then I've been married for almost 19 years, so I would say that. There is something about standing up in front of your family and friends and publicly stating your intention to make a lifelong committment to this individual that really forges a closer bond between the 2 of you, and you won't realize that until you've actually done it. Both of your parents already realize this, which is why they're pushing you, especially since you already have a child together. You don't have to have a huge, massive blow out wedding to get married. I would say if you're not afraid of making that committment to your girlfriend, then you should do it in front of your families and friends and go ahead and get married. You'll be glad you did. Here's a couple of interesting articles for you as well. Best of luck to you both!!
http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/marriage_myths.html
http://www.psychpage.com/family/mod_couples_thx/waitgalligher.html
2006-10-22 14:22:22 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you what makes you comfortable and happy. But to give you my thoughts about the situation, if a couple choose to co-habitate, have a child(ren) and share household expenses, then why not make it legal. You will be doing the same thing. The difference would be everyone will have the same last name. Honestly, if I had a child, I wouldn't want him/her to grow thinking that it's o.k. to live with a man/woman, have children with them and never marry. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying an unwed couple who lives together can't set a postive example or raise a loving child. My opinion is if you can do all those things together, then what is the problem with making it legal? Just my opinion.
2006-10-22 18:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you LOVE each then its definitely time to get married. Life is much easier when your married. If something happens to either of you (Heaven forbid) if you're not married the other has no legal rights. It also makes daily living (like checking accounts, insurance, buying a house or car) much simpler. BUT do NOT get married just because you have a son. Life is too short to be miserable. If you are happy together then why not make it official?
2006-10-22 17:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by Mommy-of-Twins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've already made a life commitment then whats stopping you from doing the paperwork to seal it. I mean most people use the excuse it's so cheap to get married yet the divorce will cost a fortune. If thats the problem then you haven't made a life commitment. I think you should think long and hard and if you really truly want to spend the rest of your lives together do it.
2006-10-22 12:29:41 · answer #5 · answered by lil sis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you sit down with your girlfriend tonight. Each of you would separately take a piece of paper and write out ALL of the pros and cons of marriage you can think of - even if you don't think some of them would apply to you.
When you're both finished making out your lists, compare and have a really long discussion about it. Something new might come out of it you don't expect.
At the end of this process, you both should have a better idea about what you want to do.
Personally, I don't think caving in to other people's pressure is a good idea. Lots of kids grow up in families like yours. In fact you are probably already legally married under "Common Law" statutes. I have a high school acquaintance who married her husband only after 3 kids and 11 years of living together.
It's your decision. Take the time to find out what would be best for you.
2006-10-22 12:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by Zelda Hunter 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want a marriage then yes if you are comfortable where you are then no you should never get married for someone Else's benefit..i have been with my bf for 9 years and we lived together and have children..we didn't chose to have a wedding because of past experiences..why fix something that's not broken..however we had a commitment ceremony with just the 2 of us we vowed our vows and have rings...family has asked us and we are honest with them its not about pleasing anyone else its about you two being happy together its not really going to matter to your son as long as he has a mom and a dad that love each other and love him good luck in all you do
2006-10-22 12:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by Alli 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do what makes you happy. If you & her wanna get married, then do it. If you like how things are, then don't do it. But make sure you know for sure what she wants. Deep down, she might want the fancy big wedding & the fairytale of it all, but won't tell you because she already knows how you feel. Talk to her, ask her what she wants. Then you both can come to some compromise for both worlds. Or just elope? Don't do nothing big just because your family is pushing you. Do what you BOTH want to do. You both are in this together. So just talk to her, then come up with some conclusion.
2006-10-22 12:17:59 · answer #8 · answered by xjalyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you choose to marry is a personal decision. If you are religious, then your religion likely would dictate that you should get married to cement the committment and to prevent sin. If you are not religious, you may have other reasons to or not to marry: a lot of paperwork, legitimacy for your child, family pressure, committment, love, taxes, medical power of attorney, etc. I suggest you and your girlfriend sit down together with a piece of paper and list what are YOUR reasons for marrying or not. This will help you both to clarify what your priorities are, and decide together what will be best for your family.
In the end remeber that no matter what anyone says, you already ARE a family, you do truly love each other, and the only people who have to live with your decision are you, your girlfriend, and your son.
2006-10-22 12:21:51 · answer #9 · answered by zandyandi 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I just got married after being with my b/f four four years and we have a one year old son. Honestly, nothing changes, it's just like being in a committed relationship. I think our family really wanted us to do it too, we could have been happy either way. Marriage unfortunatly has become so different than 30 or 40 years ago. If you really want to get married do it,
2006-10-22 12:16:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋