I have been dating this guy for 3ys. To make a long story short heres his story, was married for 9 yrs cheated on his wife at least 2 times(on his behalf i know his ex well and i would have cheated on her too). Left his wife for an old girlfriend that he had been cheating on her with. After about a yr.later he met me and left gf for unrelated reasons..When we first met he told me he was just friends with her.Only later did i learn he was more than friends and he was still dating her when he started dating me(my friend told me this). Heres the problem i just found out she sent him a instant message and hes been sending ones back. He's been very hi how are you very simple and but you can tell she wants more(we share the same computer thats how i know)also he never told me she contacted him i found out on my own.When i told him i knew he went and deleted his account so i could not see his im. The fact that i know hes lied to me in the past about her makes me wonder if hes lieing to me.
2006-10-22 05:07:08 · 28 answers · asked by suemac502 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You've answered your own question. You don't trust him and he hasn't given you any reason to trust him based on what you have shared above. You can't build a real relationship with someone you don't trust, particularly a person with a pattern of bad behavior. Whether you realize it or not, you are in an abusive relationship. I know because I've been where you are. You are worth more than the way this guy is treating you - he is not showing you the respect a person shows another that they really love. Actions speak louder than words. Get out now and show yourself that you love and respect yourself. It may be hard at first, but in the long run you will be glad you extracted yourself from someone who continues to hurt you, and you will see clearly for yourself that you are worthy of so much more. You were all along. Sending you all my positive energy.
2006-10-22 05:18:48 · answer #1 · answered by paperorplastic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is a chronic cheater, and there is a very good chance that he will cheat again. he needs some help for sure. It sounds like he isn't ever satisfied with what he has, which is a bigger problem within. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.
What matters more, is that you feel comfortable in the relationship after the cheating. If you are constantly wondering what he is doing, and don't feel like you can trust him, then there is a very good chance that he ruined something very special by cheating.
Also lets question how selfish he was to do this. So non-trustworthy, and selfish. Are these the qualities you want in a man ? I hope not.
There are far better men in the world.
Trust is the most important factor in a relationship. If you don't have it. you don't have much.
2006-10-22 12:13:13 · answer #2 · answered by Andrea C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying....but I don't. I think that if a person cheats on someone they love...they can either learn from it and never do it again...or they can keep on screwing up. It just depends on the person. But this guy sounds like he is just going to keep cheating. He falls in the "if he cheats with you...he will cheat on you" category. I am sorry....but you should give up on him. I know it is hard but....he isn't likely to change his habits.
2006-10-22 12:13:19 · answer #3 · answered by Blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well girlfriend, sounds like you already know the answer! Never fight for a cheating man! Let the other woman do you the favor of taking him off your hands! There are men who cheat once and learn their lesson, but they are rare. This goes for women too! Move on to better things and good luck!
2006-10-22 12:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by rebecca_sld 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if his first wife was so bad, he should of divorced instead of being sneeky and cheating. If he has to hide things from you and doesn't tell you there is obviously a problem. Most guys will say "It means nothing and I didn't want to upset you" that is the biggest line of bullshit. People hide things for a reason but don't let him play you for a fool. If it was something stupid that upset you that is one thing, but the things he is doing would upset me and it is a REAL issue. I say be totally upfront, tell him what bothers you, and if he does not make those changes to be considerate of your feelings, DUMP HIM!!!!
2006-10-22 12:17:15 · answer #5 · answered by help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not trust this person at all. If he is talking to his ex-girlfriend and he has a history of cheating with this very person, I would take it as a very bad sign.
Being with someone you cannot trust is far worse than being alone. It will tie you into knots. Don't let your attraction for this man blind you to the fact that he may be using you. I think that we as women should not reward men for behaving like animals, we should do ourselves a BIG favor and reject men who treat us badly rather than holding on and believing they may change (yeah, right).
2006-10-22 12:17:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, No, and Hell No! When will people ever learn this. Sometimes people can be truly sorry for something that they have done, but the fact that they regret doing it or getting caught does not make it all better. Those are the lessons you are supposed to learn in relationships and in life. Sorry doesn't equal forgiven.
2006-10-22 12:11:33 · answer #7 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people try to domesticate little wild animals sometimes, but it is common knowledge that once a little cute pet fox or racoon has gotten into the 'chicken coop' and had thier first taste of wild blood - they can no longer be trusted and kept as pets.....
WELL newsflash (not) MEN have less dignity and integrity then most animals!
stay with the guy if you like ample portions of confusion, upset, suffering and pain < alot of people like that stuff! Probably you do to!
2006-10-22 12:29:32 · answer #8 · answered by zigzagidiot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship with secrets, lies and deceit is not a relationship.
Stick with this guy if you want, but be prepared to be suspicious of him 24 hours a day, every day. If you think you can handle that, and it will not eventually turn into something which eats your soul away, then do it.
Personally I would seek someone who is open and honest with which to share your life.
2006-10-22 12:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by steven b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are naive enough to think after 9 yrs of marriage he is only going to date one person, you are sadly mistaken. Of course there is more too it that he admits.... And there are probably others too... I think what we call you is the transitional relationship... very therapeutic but rarely lasting.
Time for you to move on.... Find a man ready to settle into a relationship... but this ain't the guy!
2006-10-22 12:14:33 · answer #10 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋