As a Christian, is it okay to "disown" a family member?

Question

This is my sister-in-law. I don't want to "turn her off" from Christianity, and I don't want her to believe that I think I'm better than her because I'm a Christian. But, this woman is impossible. She's mean. She lies, drinks and does drugs. Her own brothers(one of them, my husband) can't stand her, and her own mother called her a "bully." I mean, come on, she's living with a man who just got out of prison for murdering a man 12 years ago.

I'm seeing some answerers that are basically attacking my Christian character. Maybe I deserve it, but please understand. "I don't know" what to do. That's why I'm asking this. I've been treated like dung by this woman for years, and I'm very, very tired. I need help. That's why I'm here, not to judge her, saying she's a lost cause. I do still love her, but I'm lost.

Okay, okay, I can see this question isn't going to be answered easily. We live in the same town, so it's not easy to avoid her. I do know this. Everytime, and I do mean "every" time we go to my husband's parents' house, and she's there, which is nearly all the time, she starts a fight with someone, or she yells at her children, tells them, "Get out of my face!" or she gripes the whole time about how everyone else in the world is against her. I don't want my children learning that yelling is acceptable, that lying is acceptable, that constantly griping is acceptable. They are going to have to deal with their own issues that they've learned from my own mistakes. Will my children be perfect, no. But will they know that I love them and adore them, yes.

Answer 1

yes it is.

Answer 2

First of all, yes it is allowed to rebuke and turn away from people that like this. As far as the guy that was in prison, so. I don't know the guy, but I can't say that everyone that has been in prison are bad people so to speak. The main issue is with her. Not some guy that has been in prison. Don't be a snob. Jesus doesn't like that either. If he becomes a Christian, he gets forgiven. If you witness to someone and they turn away from Jesus, then their blood is on their hands and you are free from responsibility as a Christian. Paul commanded to even kick people out of the church until a time comes that they repent. We are to rebuke sin and not allow it in the church and our lives. But it is also important to forgive the sinner.
You do need to pray for her.
As far as what Jesus would do, He would tell her to repent. And if she didn't He would rebuke her as He will. He never said it is okay, do what you feel and lets party. He told the adulterer woman to turn away from sin and sin NO more. He called the Pharasees a brood of vipers. Jesus hasn't changed about repenting from sin. So, it is okay to rebuke sin, but make sure that as a Christian that you try to lead that person back to Christ Jesus first before you turn away from them. By the way, I have met many people who have been in prison who have become Christians. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. You are no better than the ex con in God's eyes. Your sin condems you just as his if you don't have Christ Jesus in your life.

Answer 3

She should disown you for being christian... you freak.

Cruelty is a natural part of life, so theres nothing wrong with her being that way.
Lying is a means to gain advantage over others, which is definitely a beneficial trait.
Drinking alcohol (I presume you mean) isn't exactly helpful, but its hardly going to be the death of her. Same goes for other drugs to a lesser extent, though its not certain exactly what they are. In any case, thats HER choice to make and unless she is smoking and forcing you to inhale what she exhales then its not really any of your business.

Apparently she could do with learning that subtlety and indirect deception work far better than being so blatant... but aside from that she seems to be on the right tracks.

Its YOU that folks should be worried about.... believing in some imaginary parental figure. Grow up already...

Answer 4

She sound like the type of person that Jesus would have over for dinner and the murderer also. Christ died for sinners. Maybe you are so holy that you don't need to follow Christs example.

Don't forget where you came from or where you may be today if it wasn't for Gods grace in your life.

Tammee,
Regaring your extra comment

How often do you see her, does she constantly hunt you down ? I don't see or hear from most my family or my wifes, except for parents, other than family get togethers and funerals. So if you can't deal with her then stop calling and visiting her. I would not disown her but you can cut the contact down to a minimum. This may help ease the tension. Sometimes people we love still drive us nuts but if we only see them once in a while it becomes a pleasure but as you visit they remind you once again why they bother you but time apart will once again calm that bad memory.

Answer 5

It depends on what you mean by "disown". If they are abusive and a bad influence then it would be wise to avoid them especially if there are children around that could be badly influenced by them. But if they demonstrate a sincere change and sincerely ask for forgiveness, then we should forgive them. If it was any kind of offense on a child, then we should protect our children above all else while trying not to let hatred and bitterness into our heart.

Answer 6

She may need your help, however if she too is a supposed Christian then:


Christians do not hold themselves aloof from people. We have normal contacts with neighbours, workmates, schoolmates, and others, and witness to them even if some are ‘fornicators, greedy persons, extortioners, or idolaters.’ Paul wrote that we cannot avoid them completely, ‘otherwise we would have to get out of the world.’ He directed that it was to be different, though, with “a brother” who lived like that: “Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that [has returned to such ways], not even eating with such a man.”—1 Corinthians 5:9-11; Mark 2:13-17.

In the apostle John’s writings, we find similar counsel that emphasizes how thoroughly Christians are to avoid such ones: “Everyone that pushes ahead and does not remain in the teaching of the Christ does not have God . . . If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For he that says a greeting [Greek, khai´ro] to him is a sharer in his wicked works.”—2 John 9-11.

However:

After his resurrection, Jesus told a large group of his disciples: “Go therefore and make disciples of people of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit, teaching them to observe all the things I have commanded you. And, look! I am with you all the days until the conclusion of the system of things.” (Matthew 28:19, 20) The ‘things Christ had commanded’ did not originate with him; he taught others to observe God’s commandments, or requirements. (John 14:23, 24; 15:10) Teaching others to ‘observe the things Christ has commanded’ thus involves helping them to learn God’s requirements.

Therefore if your siter in law knows no difference then it is your duty as a Christian to help her learn Gods requirements and this may even bring you both closer to God.

Answer 7

It sounds like what you need is Tough Love and not a total "disown" You can not let other people's drug problems affect your life and if you do you will end up suffering. She is the only person who can change herself and nothing you say or do will make her change. So you and the rest of the family should make that clear to her. Distance yourself from her. Tell her she is not welcome in the family until she is ready to change her ways. It sounds like she is looking for attention anyway, and this may be a cry for help, but until she admits this, there is nothing you can do.

Answer 8

That's a tough one. If we think (according to what society would do) the logical thing to do is to totally cut her off. Why would anyone want to associate with that kind of person? But, if you think about Jesus would handle the situation, then you would approach it totally different. I can't tell you what exactly to do because God has His unconditional, loving, and always forgiving way of dealing with things. Take your concerns to Jesus. Wait for the answer. Your faith will direct you to do the right thing.

Answer 9

christian or not,if she is a liability,shacking up with a man who murdered is considered a liability in my book,then disown her,that sounds like trouble and I'm sure you don't need any of that,you have your own family to worry about.

that is only if she is causing you and your family real trouble,not because she is not christian,there also comes a time when enough is enough and you need to ask yourself,i know shes family but what about me and my life?

Answer 10

What are you saying "I mean, come on" - are you trying to get everybody to ostracize her for living as she does? Where's you Christian charity? There has to be a better side to the woman that you can't see simply because you disapprove of her? How much do you really know about her? You mustn't turn her into the family scapegoat - try to be kinder.

Answer 11

According to the bible, yes we are to forgive them. But reasonably, how can we be around people that are hostile when we are NOT? That's a very difficult situation, & if/when u 2 have kids? I know I don't want a murderer around my kids thank you very much.
There is a passage also that says we are to separate ourselves from riotous & sinful company, so ~ yeah ~ just follow your gut. She sounds dangerous, u don't have to disown her but to remove yourself from her company sounds ideal to me, good luck. I sort of have the same situation in mine, I just ignore her at family functions.