Ive been with my man for a little over 11 years weve had our ups and downs, we are not married but have discussed it and i have a ring, we also have 2 children together and i have 2 from previous relationships, my problem now is that his priorities suck. he is a mechanic and works mon - sat, but will do side jobs and will even go in on sunday to help out he works 8-5 but doesnt stroll in until 6or 7, this doesnt normally bother me but i also work mon-fri 7-4 I have to come straight home to my children why shouldnt he when he does get home he heads straight to computer to play games to all hours of the night, Its sunday and you guessed it hes at work. at 2pm he will have to play darts with friends rescedules from wed night even though he went that night and closed the bar, im almost ready to pack up my kids and go somewhere else please help
2006-10-22 04:40:58 · 9 answers · asked by walmartshopper 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm sure you have talked to him about this right? where does he say that he has been all that time after work? i think what i would do is change the password on the computer so that he will not be able to sign in, and when he ask what up with the damn computer, tell him i changed the pass word, because the kids and i would like for you to spend some time with us. and why don't you find a sitter and go with him when he plays darts? if he does not want you to go with him then get a sitter and go some place else. see how he likes it. if none of this works for you then i say pack up and leave. but you do know that for a time you will be supporting 4 kids on one income. unless he is willing to give you money to help out. that i doubt.
2006-10-22 05:12:00 · answer #1 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me see he works all the time. I would assume to make sure that you and the kids are clothed and bathed. To the point he is ignoring the things he should be caring most about. Its a tough call as far as the working part goes. Maybe he is just trying to make sure that you all have what you need.
As far darts, computers etc....Where in all that do the 2 of you communicate? Seems that all his energy is into work and relaxing and you work and take care of kids. DO you all ever have time for the just the 2 of you? After 11 years I am thinking you deserve so much more than just a ring. Also maybe he feels left out because of your mommy duties. take a look at all that...try to communicate what you need in turn he may tell you what he needs and then the 2 of you can can go on.
2006-10-22 04:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by newtooocala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are willing to meet him half-way, if he wants to work things out, but you both have to make changes. If you want to be part of his life, maybe you can go with him and do the things with him that he enjoys to do. If he sees that you are willing to do that, and the two of you have a good time, he may help out at home more so the two of you can get out and enjoy those things more often. It's all about companionship, the desire for a hot body doesn't last forever if there is no partnership, friendship, substance to your relationship. If he doesn't want to work on things, he filed for a divorce, let him go.
2016-05-21 22:24:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart is crying for you sweetie!!! I have felt your pain. He IS his work it seems. He ignores his family, pays no attention to you and keeps his nose to the grindstone at all times. I agree that his priorities are screwed up beyond all reason. He needs to find joy in his family and his love cause when work is over he'll have nothing. Your job is to take care of your children and yourself. Lay out the facts for this man and let him know that you will not live "alone" the rest of your days! Tell him in specifics, what it is you need him to do and if its not important enough to him he'll do nothing to change it. Then comes the sorry part......they miss you , they love you, they want you to come home. And, before you do make sure you see that his priorities stay in the right order. MAKE HIM PROMISE!!!! And, if not let him go. Its not fair to you and its terrible to teach a child that they are less important then the computer, or work , or drinking!!!
2006-10-22 04:52:54 · answer #4 · answered by lbacig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is set in his mind that you are responsible for the children and running the household.
until that changes, he won't change.
the biggest problem you face is making sure he doesn't feel he is losing all his down-time, obviously important considering the long hours he is working.
if you can't find a compromise with him, you need to go to Plan B
which is that you work less hours or give up working.
he may prefer that.
or Plan C, leave him.
sadly, he probably feels confident that you don't have any options because all the children really are yours and only two are his.
2006-10-22 04:54:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
I had the same situation. My husband was never home. Even when he could of been. He was a bachelor but married with kids. I ended up raising three children alone, even though I was married. I went through a lot of tough situations with my kids by myself. He wasn't even there for us for emotional support. To me it's selfish and self absorbed. I stayed as long as I did because I was financially afraid. I finally decided to say f this. It's not worth your happiness. My kids got older, and I divorced him. He admits now there was a lot of pressure with the kids and purposely ran away. But you left me to handle hard decisions alone. I realized he was never going to change. To me it's just avoidance. Besides, what are they really up to when their not home? It's not fair to you or your children. I don't know how unhappy you are, but your going to have to get tough. Either he stands with you or he gets out of your way. It's not easy but in the long run you'll be happier. I realized I was alone anyway. I'd rather be alone then unhappy. My kids have a lot of respect for me. They know who was always there for them, good or bad. I wish you the best, good luck.
2006-10-22 05:29:51 · answer #6 · answered by jzeppelinforever 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better leave your job for the sake of children. It is the mothers' prime job to upbring her children in a comfortable manner. It is only the mother that decides the correct path for children, father is the shade who has the responsibilitiy to feed the entire family. It is again said MAA TUJHE SALAAM not to papa. Hence it is you to decide the fate of your children. Decide.
2006-10-22 04:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he doesn't want a family any more. If he did, he would make time for you and the kids.
2006-10-22 04:46:23 · answer #8 · answered by Jack S. Buy more ammo! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have a talk with him about spending more time with you and the kids. And, if he cant do that....... then leave him. Good luck, take care
2006-10-22 04:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋