Help I'm going to flip out!!?

Question

Here it is. I'm the mother of three ages 5, 4 and 3. My husband works third shift and has recently went back to college thru work. We live in a 850 sq ft house with two bedrooms. (my shoebox!) I'm already on Lexapro and Xanax for anxiety, but all three of my kids are sick right now!! 1- bronchitis, 1- ear infection, 1- strep throat!!! I've already had one melt down today and my husband is working another 12 hr shift. The counting to 10 isn't working anymore. (haha) Right now the only thing I have left is my warped sense of humor! My sanity left 2 days ago!!

My husband will not let anyone other than family babysit our kids and his answer to me asking for a Mommy's day out is out of the ? His answer for that is "When do I get to go do what I want"

YES! I did find out what caused three kids in three years and fixed HIM

Answer 1

Take a deep breath sweetheart... I feel for you.

I was raised by an emotionally sick mother who had a workaholic and rageaholic husband (my as*shole father) so when he wasn't home, the peace was eaten up by my four older, idiot, brothers and when he was home, he made everyone's lives completely miserable filling the house with fear and trepidation. I understand how your children are probably feeling. I spent a lifetime walking on eggshells to appease someone else's temper.

It has been hard for me to escape my own destiny. I had roadblocks and a mindset that was established for me from birth. My mom was an antisocial but peaceful, typical, Piscean woman, that was thrown into a world of men and their dirt and loud mouthed foul tempered, uneducated sh*it, from the age of 18.

She unfortunately. eventually. conformed to all of it, against her own spirit, which broke like a butterfly wing... Needless to say, they destroyed her little by little, day by day over the span of 45 + years. And as the youngest child and the only girl, it destroyed me right along with her.
She was my example in life of what a woman was... Needless to say. I have crippling foundations from her example. I wasn't always the fantastic mom or the rational, sane, sober person that I am today! My adolescence had grave effects on my young adult behavior...

It was hard for me growing up having to live with the juxtaposition between being half my mom and half the rest of the male influenced slop in the house. I was a mess before having my kids and a mess for a while after having my first.

All I can say is I hope that you have the good sence to get your husband a vasectomy! Don't get your tubes tied! trust me! And like everyone else here is saying... Drugs are a crutch. Take it from someone who has been involved with patients and their medications for a very long time! I have a 10 + life career in this field... Psych meds do, just what they say they do... they MEDICATE... they do not FIX. You sound like you need fixing!

They have non profit , sliding scale or free Mental Health organizations all over the country. Whoever medicated you, should also be treating you with psychology, not just pharmaceuticals... The medications will consistently stop working unless you actually find a way to treat what you are taking them for to begin with. Our inner psyche has a sneeky way of resurfacing right through the fog that them meds supply. Every symptom you have is a way for your inner self to poke it's head up out of that fog and say "Hey I m still here, are you ready to deal with me yet?" Meds buy time for you and the Doctor that is unable to help you... less a prescription. Don't tell me, you got them from your family MD?

Anyway, enough about me and that... Why I am telling you all this is to make you understand that I really do get where you're at right now, both from being there myself and from being raised around it. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps you sane in extraordinary situations is the understanding that everything you do and everything you feel and how you express it will effect those kids for their entire lives... Basically, if you want to change your own state and condition, you do it by loving them more than your own faults and shortcommings and find it inside you to rise above it and be there for them and to teach them a better way than you knew and what you became as a result.

Drop the guilt... drop the stress, take a breath and take it easy on yourself. You are a human being, you are a good mom and you are in a sh*itty situation. I find that the best way to calm down when I am loosing it is to literally take a breath, walk away and take yourself out of the moment... In the moment as in getting lost in it, you'll find that you can become all sorts of things you might not want to be leading to all sorts of behavior that you don't see (in the moment) how you might regret and rue later on. Taking yourself out of the moment and seeing things from a complete perspective helps you to understand. Speak to yourself, listen to you inner dialoge. Rage and anger and losing your temper prevents that from happening... Tell yourself;

"Hey, Im going to regret it later and feel really bad if I lose my temper... they are sick, not little demons trying to destroy me."

You sometimes have to retionalize yourself out of regret an guilt and even self pity. Remember, you are teaching your children every second of every day of thier lives... Make it a point to know this and teach them right.

Do you really want them to relive your life? Well they will do just that unless you allow yourself to become bigger than your problems which if you take the time to really think about it, in relation to time and the bigger picture. They really are little problems and always only last for a time. Don't hurt them mentally physically or spiritually by losing yourself and therefore them, in the insignificance of a moment.

Not to mention that your angry because your husband is out in the world doing and you are stuck in the house... You have got to talk to him about it and let him know how you feel realizing that there will be guilt and tempers and counterproductive emotional rejection of one anothers condition. You have got to become a team... you have got to have an understanding of one anothers conditions and feelings.

Good luck sweetheart... I will say a prayer for your sanity and know that someone understands... You're not really alone then are you?

Answer 2

Keep your warped sense of humor. Hang in there. This is normal (your kids sicknesses-they're little germ carriers). Your husband is working hard to make ends meet and also better himself for a more promising future that will hopefully include an increased income. Your shoebox need not be all that your life has in store for you. And believe it or not, you'll look back at these memories and wonder how you survived. (And there might just be some fond memories to hold on to) But YOU WILL SURVIVE. Be strong and God Bless. And it is VERY normal for him not to understand what you are going through and how demanding raising kids can be. He is thinking "Well, I'm working my *** off and she gets to stay home all day". A walk in the park for you as far as he's concerned. He really needs to listen to you and you BOTH need some downtime to regroup, rejuvenate and rest. The alternative is that you will grow further and further apart and not be able to resolve any of the resentments you are both starting to build. Men are from Mars, woman are from Venus. No matter the analogy-men and women are different.

Answer 3

You know, I think the best thing you can do is throw away that Lexapro and Xanax. Raising kids was never meant to be easy. I think that parents appreciate their kids more when they go through all the pain and hardship of bringing their child into this world and raising them. Having three children, and especially at those ages, can't possibly be easy ... but having a mother who is fully aware and understanding and responsive will be better for them than one who is trying to chase the anxiety away with medication. Its all part of being a mom ... and all parents need to get away sometimes ... do you have anyone that you can ask to babysit or help you?

Answer 4

Hey...you're not the only overwhelmed mom on the planet! I've been there and done that. My kids are gone and I still take an antidepressant and Xanax! They ruined me for life! LOL

Anyway, here is what I did when I had little ones. I joined the biggest church in town that had the most programs for children. Then I took them to every activity I could find. Mothers Day Out, Church Camp, Playday, Vacation Bible School, Sunday School, Wed. night programs, Youth camps, day camps, kids choir, play practice. Sometimes, like in the summer, I'd take them to every church in town for Vacation Bible School. I didnt care what denomination it was. it was an opportunity for them to make new friends and for me to have time to myself so I could be a better mother. There are all sorts of programs for kids at churches. You may be asked to volunteer once every couple of months, and that's ok too. Also, you will meet other mothers in the same boat as you are in. So get the kids cleaned up, and start looking for a new church to join...the bigger the better! Some churches even give free "scholarships" to kids for camps or activities that cost if you don't have the funds. If it weren't for those activities, I would have gone crazy! I made alot of good friends. I'm not that religious, but I believe in raising a child with some sort of spiritual education. And if it keeps your mind intact, that works for me! Godloveya, honey. I completely understand!

Answer 5

Wow you have your hands full. Is there anyone who can watch the kids for two hours a day so that you can have that break to look forward to? I would personally do a serious clearing out of the house to make keeping it tidy and more streamlined. If things are very organized it would save you a lot of time. (Not saying that you aren't just giving suggestions.) The Y has lots of drop in programs and provide free babysitting while you work out and if money is tight they have almost free memberships..pack a lunch, they get play time, burn off all the energy and will fall asleep earlier and you get a break. Also have you thought about playschool for any of them, even for half days. Losing your sanity is kind of fun for the first week lol

Answer 6

Take the kids outside and let them play! I raise my kids on my own practically too we live in a 700 sq foot house and it gets cramped i only have two kids myself but when it becomes to much for me outside they go even if its cold you can put warm clothes on them they'll burn there energy outside and you'll get some silence

Answer 7

This would possibly sound bizarre, esp if you are like 12-14, however I suppose Victoria's Secret has rather lovable turn-flops. Also, I'm no longer too certain if any states except CA have this retailer, however Shoe Pavilion has super sandals and turn-flops!! It simply is dependent wherein you love to shoe-keep. idk, Target, Hollister, Old Navy, ae, ...and so on

Answer 8

Go get a job and have your husband stay home with the kids..
He needs to compromise. He may be going to work, but your work is much harder and way underpaid.

Answer 9

It's a tough call, but I would dump the medication you are taking. with a clear head and firung on all cylinders you will get through this.

Answer 10

I RAISED 3 KIDS ON MY OWN WITH ONLY THE BAD INFLUENCE OF MY PARENTS MAKING THEM WORSE
TELLING THEM BAD REMARKS ABOUT ME AND HOW TO BEHAIVE AND LOADING THEM UP ON SUGAR
AND IF I WASNT KISSING MY PARENTS AS$ AT ALL TIMES THEY WOULD USE PROTECTIVE SERVICES AGAINST ME I BECAME A DRUNK,,THEN SOBER AND TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET LOST,,SO IF I CAN LIVE THREW THAT U CAN TOO

Answer 11

talk to one of your girl friends or take a relaxing trip to the beach..while leaving the kids with a friend