When are parents no longer to blame...?

Question

At age three--the parents are blamed if their son is unruly in public.

At age seven--the parents are blamed if their daughter pushes a girl in school.

At age twelve--the parents are blamed if their son is bullying other kids.

At age sixteen--the parents are blamed if their daughter gets pregnant.

So my question is this when do we stop blaming parents and why is it that parents are always to blame? Is there a situation where the parents aren't to blame? If the parents are to blame all through a child's life--when they go into adulthood are they still to blame?

Just for the record--this isn't about me. I've never been "blamed" but notice a lot of parents are.

Answer 1

I am not sure that I completely agree with your assertions.

At age three, children are going to do what they are going to do. There is certainly an argument for saying that parental guidance has a lot to do with behavior, but at the the same time you cannot put 100% of it back on the parents.

As for the age 7 and 12 comments, I am certainly not going to say that parents are completely to blame either. I am an asst. principal at a middle school and I know plenty of students who have wonderful parents that are caring and loving and simply have a child who made a poor choice. If these sorts of situations happen repeatedly, certainly parenting comes into the conversation, but it is again not 100% of the cause of the actions.

At age sixteen, I would say the child is more than capable of making their own decisions about their bodies. If you want a legal definition as opposed to an opinion, the law states that at age 14, children are now able to be ticketed and held accountable for their own actions. Before that time, a student that commits a crime has their parents ticketed instead of themselves (there are exceptions to this, but this is the general rule).

This goes back to the nature vs nurture argument. Was the child just born that way, or did the parents just mess up in raising the child? A tough question for sure, but I can think of no time where the answer was completely on one side or another. We are all a product of the genetics we were given, the environment we grew up in, and the experiences we have had along the way.

Parents have a great responsibility in teaching kids their preferred morals and values, but in the end it is the child that is going to make the choice whether or not to adhere to them.

Answer 2

At age three-- The child is being your average 3 year old, if things get out of hand the parent should discipline accordingly. If they don't then it is their fault.

At age seven-- At that age a child should know better, again they should be disciplined not only by the parents but by the school. If neither do so then it's the fault of both parties

At age twelve-- The child should definatly know that doing so is wrong and it's entirly their fault. They should still be disciplined.

At age sixteen-- Then the daughter and whoever the father is are to blame. At this age they should be responsible enough to know that there are consequences. I think however that the parents should seriously clamp down on the teenagers life however (ie. home right after school, no going out, phone/internet privileges cut) after the baby is born. Kids that age shouldn't be having kids!

Answer 3

It's my personal opinion that when a child gets too be a teenager he is capable of making right/wrong choices. They are capable at a much younger age,of course, but I think as a teenager they are far more mature. All through a childs life we, as parents teach them right from wrong. When they are small and are unruley we are too quick too place the blame on the parent. YES, there are some parents,I know this from experience, that really do not even try too teach their children how too act, right from wrong and etc..but most of the parents do try. Some kids are just unruly. I think a lot of people judge parents by how well their kids are doing in school, friends they have, and the list could go on and on..I also think thats WRONG! We raise our kids the best we can, we teach them right from wrong,so If a child gets into serious trouble the parents aren't too blame. When a teen takes a gun too school and shoots his classmates..It's not the parents fault, I'm sure that parent didn't tell him too do that. BUT, who is the first one the public blames? The Parents! I've always said, I raised my kids the best I could, taught them right from wrong,taught them too value life, and themselves. So if one of mine goes out and gets in trouble, I know I'm not too blame. but there will always be, in the back of a good parents mind, the "What If I could have done something different," so people don't need too place the blame on the parents, they blame themselves enough..

Answer 4

Providing the parent(s) do their best to instill good values and social skills, any child who has reached the age of understanding(knowing right from wrong)should be held accountable for their own actions! We are not allowed to "dicipline" our children the way we used to as a society, and now we are paying the consequences, with higher crime rates, and people not stepping up to help their fellow man. Remember when we had to walk to school? Remember when there were no video games, and only 4 channels on TV? Remember when we had to do chores, and we didn't get allowance for doing it? We have spoiled our children in a way, and if we could get back some old fashioned values, we would all be better off. If our kids could just get more exercise, for one thing, maybe they wouldn't act out so much. If they had nothing to do but read, or go out and enjoy the sunshine, instead of sitting in front of some sort of screen, we wouldn't be so over weight as a country either. We create our own problems, and then sit back and wonder how that happened. So ultimately, I guess that means we are all too blame, aren't we?

Answer 5

Because it is the parents fault, if a child does not know how to behave and has no respect for others and their selves then the parents are 100% to blame. It is our jobs as parents to raise kids to be respectful adults, respectful of others and their selves. Now days parents much rather let their kids watch TV and play Video games then teach some discipline. Parents do not like to discipline, they think the kids don't need it. So in my opinion the parents are to blame, a child cannot help the way he/she was raised, they do what they know and they they are taught. If parents now days would love their kids and teach them respect and responsibility then the world would be a much better place.

Answer 6

Very good question...thought provoking and scary as a parent...Well, up to 12:00 a.m. the day of the eighteenth birthday. Although, we must consider the auto insurance and the reason to put in their name, not mom and dad's after eighteen...because legalities play into suing for the house if they live at home or are on the parents auto insurance? Need an umbrella attachment on auto insurance? How about Moral obligations after eighteen? Kid cant get a car because of no or little credit....Blame the parents? Blame the parents for helping or not helping...Wow!

Answer 7

Wow, great question!

I think a parent's job is to raise their kids to know the difference between right and wrong, teach them how to be a good person. If you've done that, what else can you do? I know I got into trouble in my teen years, it had nothing to do with my parents, they raised me better than I was acting. Some of it was stupidity, some of it rebelliousness, but I definitely knew better, and I knew that my parents would never approve.

If someone in their twenties still blames their parents for something, it's time to grow up. No one has a perfect childhood, parents aren't perfect, all you can do is try your best. But at some point personal responsibility has to kick in, only you are responsible for your own happiness.

Answer 8

While children grow into adults and make their own choices, the parent is to blame if they know they didnt teach their child to make the best choices and be the best person possible.

My grandparents had three sons. Of those three sons, the oldest, and middle had affiars. My dad did not.

My mom was shocked when the oldest had his affair, and ended his marriage because my grandparents learned of it and their reaction was "we have failed him as parents, and it is our fault for not teaching him how to be a husband" Their reaction was justified and they knew they had failed their older boys when the second sons marriage failed due to an affair.

They sat my dad down and explained to him that they had failed to teach them the importance of the sanctity of marriage, and that from this day forward they would hold my father accountable for his actions, because they had now taught him what was right and what they expected.

The oldest was nearly 40 at the time of his affair, the middle in his mid 30's. My dad is now 45 and happily married 25 years, 10 years longer than either of his siblings.

A parent knows when its their fault, but often they deny it.

Answer 9

As a parent it is my job to teach my child right from wrong, and to disipline my child when he does not behave. We are in part to blame when our children are young if we aren't stting a good example for our children ourselves. That old sying "do as I say and not as I do" really does not apply when we have young children. They look up to us and try to emulate us, so if we behave inappropriately, then so will they. Once a child can think indipendantly, and make his/her own decisions, we are no longer so much to blame. We should, however, still try to enforce and remind our children what is right and wrong. Our job as parents never ends, but we are not always to blame. The environment we are in and are peers also have a part in how we develop, and our personalities.

Answer 10

parents are to blame when they don't lay down teh right rules and don't enforce them. parents are not to blame for children behaving like children. if a 16 year old gets pregnant everyone wants to blame the parents but 16 used to be an acceptable age for marriage and married people are sexually active. that is a natural urge.
imo, parents are to blame when they know there is a problem with their child's behavior and they do nothing.