After 6years of absence from our sons life his father decieded to finally try to be a part of his life actively. Previously he was mad b/c he was made to pay child support and they put him through jail to get it out of him. After spending the last two years in my son's life my ex got mad ,called me ,and to my face gave me the ultimatematium to stop seeking child support or he wants nothing to do our son anymore. My ex hung up in my face, and later changed his phone number. I did nothing to provoke him but I get tired of the constant verbal abuse and told myself this is the last time. Meanwhile my son has been asking why has hs dad not called, why is he no longer going to dads (he gets him weekends, holidays, etc).My son constantly reminices about going to dads or plans events they can do together and asks to call him. What should I tell him w/o damaging him, and explaing why dad does not return his calls and proably won't.
2006-10-22 03:41:37 · 11 answers · asked by nene 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
That is very sad. I hope you didn't let him blackmail you into letting stop paying child support. It is the right of the child to have it. It is his loss that he is out of the child's life. Try to have as many male models in his life as possible: uncles, grandfather, cousins, etc. Tell him that his dad is very busy and travels alot. When he is an adult, you can tell him the truth. The father is a scumbag.
2006-10-22 03:48:03 · answer #1 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is always best. BUT at this age the whole truth could be damaging. So you only talk about what a child that age can handle but don't fabricate this will make you out to be the bad guy later. Under no circumstances speak ill of the father just tell the truth in a matter of fact way. It's hard I too live with it every day. After a while if its not brought up it will go to the back of their mind.
2006-10-22 03:53:09 · answer #2 · answered by ABF 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont lie because your son will find out and resent you. Given that hes only 6 tell him that his dad has some problems that he needs to work out and when he does your son will be able to be with him again. Given the fathers past history of choosing jail over child support I would say that having problems to deal with isnt far from the truth.
2006-10-22 03:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by miss m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough one. the best you can do is be honest with him. that answer will put people up in arms, but i've kinda been in your son's shoes. if you lie and say "your dad is going away to work for a while adn you won't see him for some time" or something like that and your son gets a bit older and the dad tells him that wasn't true, not only is your son going to be very angry with you, you are going to lose face. it will be hard to get your son to listen and beleive what you say if he catches you in a lie about something so important.
i'd say something along the lines of "your dad isn't quite stable emotionally. some people are born to be good parents who are very involved in thier kid's lives and some are not. jsut like some people are born to be good basketball players adn some are not. you didn't do anythign wrong but your dad isnt' going to be around so much until he decides he wants to. it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. he just isn't capapble of giving you the relationship you want from him. i'm sorry." or something along those lines. just make sure he understands that its not his fault.
my heart goes out to him. good luck.
2006-10-22 03:50:34 · answer #4 · answered by kajunprincezz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that his father is not being nice to mommy the way that he should. That you don't think it's best he sees him for a while but when he gets old enough if he chooses he wants to go see him, you should let him. If his father is acting like that then he's an a s s and is only hurting his son, financially and emotionally. If he truly loved his son he wouldn't mess with you like that only to hurt your son.
2006-10-22 03:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by Steph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell him where to go an if he stopped paying the maintenence saying that he d
ont deserve to see you or the child as he did not face upto his responsibilties you have worked hard with your child what if he is back for a month they grow close and he goes off again what do you say to him after that you will be the one picking up the pieces i think you have to way up all options here have a good hard think good luck do what you think is right dont be pushed into anything by anyone
2006-10-22 05:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give this Jerk one last chance at being a Father, and advise him of your intention to tell your child the truth, as to why he never comes to see him. The kid is probably better off not being with him, fact is I would not let him be alone with the child, with this much Warped resentment, he may well take it out on the child.
2006-10-22 04:00:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to him that sometimes adults can act like children and not know how to love people.
His dad doesnt know HOW to love him, although he does. And because of that his dad doesnt want to be with you or him. And that because dad doesnt know how to love him, he does hurtful mean things instead.
Tell him that until dad learns how to be a grown up and learns how to love, he wont be around, because he doesnt want to hurt people and make them sad.
Your son should understand that what he needs to do intead of trying to see dad, is to love him even though he's not there.
Its a harsh reality, but teaching him how to understand, reason, and forgive is the best thing you can give him in his fathers absence. You dont need to water it down, but you need to be subjective about it, and leave out your own anger and hurt. In his innocent mind dad is his hero and does no wrong. You have to show him why its wrong that dad wont take care of him, and ends up in jail. But teach him that he has to let dad be what dad is, and love him even though. Dad cant help who he is, mom has to protect from hurt, and son needs to forgive and love.
My husband had to go through this with an abusive alcoholic dad. He was always around, and part of the family, but abusive his whole life. From a VERY early age he learned from his grandmother to forgive his dad, and love him even though he was wrong and childish.
If you teach him how to see the problem, how to accept the problem, and how to love his dad even though he's selfish like a child, he can continue to grow and have love for his father.
The goal is that some day as adults they can mend their relationship in some way, not that he should reach for that pipe dream, but you want him to have a willing heart incase dad ever has a change of mind.
2006-10-22 03:51:27 · answer #8 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough situation - I'm sorry. The best thing you can do for yourself & your son is be honest with him. There are, of course, things that you will choose not to share with him but the more honest you can be with him, without being judgemental, the better off it will be in the long run. When he is older he will understand and form his own opinions. Good luck to you!
2006-10-22 03:53:46 · answer #9 · answered by dmommab@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not tell your son anything negative about his father.. when he gets older he will form his own opinion of what is father is to him... cause right now if you tell him something negative and his father does return in his life he will look at you as the bad parent..... you just keep neutral about the things he ask from his father... just tell him you will take him or do the things with him... just let him know partial of the truth and say you dont and havent heard from his dad!
2006-10-22 03:54:05 · answer #10 · answered by monte561 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋