I have four children, and three siblings pick on the third child always?

Question

Why is this? Are they singling him out somehow? He is very sweet and sensitive, very quiet and gentle, always the one to give a drink cup to a crying sibling or try to make them smile somehow. Anyone else have this happen where the youngest is not the "runt" of the family? What causes this?

Even his one year old brother delights in teasing him or picking on him. It makes me sad for him in later years as he will obviously be very nice when he's older.

We don't allow it; we cut in the middle as soon as it starts. But sometimes children will be out of sight, such as when you turn to cook....

Perhaps we are even kinder to him and that makes it worse? Hmm.

The other three are not terrible children; they just pick at him in little ways they don't pick at anyone else. Wow. Now I feel bad asking coz people will assume my kids are big monstrous bullies when they're pretty sensitive too....

Thank you everyone for such good answers.

Rebecca--your idea has been tried already, funny enough. The oldest now tattles on them all and will not pick on the third child. She takes it too seriously. She is very literal. I need to get them all in sync according to their personalities, I think.

Answer 1

Its caused by parents who allow the behavior and wonder what causes it instead of stopping it when it first shows its ugly face.

Theyre siblings, and they love eachother equally, treating one differently than the rest is unacceptable and a cause for punishment.

You dont sit back and wonder why, you beat their butts and tell them to love their brother and stop treating him like garbage, or you'll treat them like garbage.

We werent even allowed to consider treating one of our siblings like he was less than the others. Our parents whooped our butts for even getting a demeaning tone with one another.

Answer 2

You seem to have answered your own question. There seems to be two basic "human natures" the nuturer and the bully. Go to any school ground and you'll find a few sweeping generalizations that apply to your children.
1. Bullies pick on the "nice kids".
2. Bullies click up with other bullies.
3. Younger children will emulate the older children to be cool.
4. No matter how wrong "it" is, if everyone is doing it the younger children will do "it".
5. Even "nice" kids will bully other kids if they have a big enough group. Think of the jocks and spirit squads that feed the homeless yet still pick on the kids with clothes that aren't so fashionable.
I can almost type assuradly that you favor this child that is singled out, or at least come to his aid and take his side when there is a dispute. This can only make it worse.
My son is an only child but spends much of his time with his cousins and are pretty much treated as siblings with a few moms and a few dads(get the point). My son is often singled out for torment because he is very well behaved and is not allowed to tattle tale, unlike his cousins who are tattle taling rowdies. There has been nothing I have found to stop the "picking" but you can use subtle psycology to even out the playing field by pointing out similaritiesor make up bonds with one(or however may) of his siblings to make them gravitate and make a new click. This seems counter productive but it slows down the torment and creates new bonds. You can then forge your own alliances later on once you have it down. Like making the smart one bond with one that could use help. If those two like to hang together because you've made them to believe they are best friends or coconspirators the smarter one will help the other if you can work it right.

Answer 3

There's no need to make this more difficult than it really is! No need for "beating their butts!" You are an adult, and you are smarter than they are! Deal with the older two, and the younger one will follow suit. Put the oldest child in charge of bullying! Tell him/her to keep track of every time anyone gets picked on. If they can go say 6 hours(set your own goal)without anyone being picked on, everyone gets a treat! Nothing big, just a cookie or something. If somebody does get picked on, only that person gets the reward! Unless, of course, they did some picking too! Then nobody gets anything. Siblings should understand, they are a unique group, and there will be many times throughout their lives, when they will need to depend on each other. They will need to "have each other's back" so to speak! If you can get them to understand, it is their responsibility to stick up for one another, they will begin to see it's more fun to work together for the good of all of them. Find a book about a similar situation, read it to them, and ask questions to get their feed back. Once you figure out how each individual fits into this scenario, you can deal with them more efficiently. Who knows, in a year or two, their roles may flip and you will have a different child being picked on. They really will understand reasoning, if put in their own language.

Answer 4

Sometimes this just happens,
quite sensitive kids sometimes need a little extra help learning how to be in a group or family situation. This is something you cab help them with - teach them skills on how to express themselves and stick up for themselves without becoming a bully.

Also you can encourage your other kids to behave better - emphasise that you are all part of the same family and a team that should work together and stick up for each other.

Also just remember that the qualities of him that make him vulnerable to teasing as a kid - being sweet and sensitive and gentle are qualities that are much sort after once puberty is out of the way.

Its good that you are looking out for him, try not to make it to big a deal of the situation - just set some behavioural ground rules. He will find his place soon enough and once the kids have finished puberty they will all be a bit kinder and gentler - just try and stick it out till then :-)

Answer 5

Figure out the underlying cause as to why their picking on him. Seems like he's an easy target since he is kind and gentle. You, as a parent, need to put your foot down and stop this behavior because it will definitely affect the picked on child adversely. It's hard enough to be bullied at school, but by 3 of your own siblings? That's not cool.

Take away privledges of the other children until they start to behave themselves. Or get some people to pick on the bullying children to show them how it feels. It's always fun and games until it happens to you too...

Answer 6

Going through all of these things is not really helping the third sibling. He'll probably hate someone for thins, or hate the other siblings. And it's not always the young one, the young one sometimes takes control too. Normally it's because of the attention you give that sibling that the others get jealous, but not always, and other times it's so that the other siblings get one attention than the other sibling. It really depends on the attitude that the siblings put in order to pick on the third sibling.

Answer 7

i like the belief...my siblings and that i start up with B (even regardless of the shown fact that there is in simple terms 3 persons,me lined). maximum folk do no longer even word it. E names are amazing, you will no longer be able to bypass incorrect with that. and that i do no longer see why 3 of 6 could be strange in any respect. good success

Answer 8

Because, he was the Baby and the others were old enough to resent, Momma's new baby and feeling left out- my older brother picked at me all my life out of some form of resentment or neglect- I took his place with momma.

Answer 9

I have a younger brother and my older brother is always fighting him so maybe its the part of life where they are trying to get to knonw each other better!

Answer 10

help your son toughen up. tell him that if his siblings are not nice to him he does not have to be nice to them. also, help him learn how to tease them back. it seems mean, but they tease him becasue its fun for them to do so. he gives in and cries, or whatever and they like it. so you're going to have to teach him how to give them a taste of their own medicine. its important for him to have a tough skin in real life. may as well start helping that along now.