Would you hate one of your parents if?

Question

My parents were together almost 40 years when we found out my Dad was having an affair. Some tart from his office. My mum had been unwell with a cancer scare and a heart op the year before. It is almost 3 years ago now and I know she feels that life is not worth living anymore no matter how we are all there for her. He now lives with this other woman. He has done this to her before in the first 20 yrs of their marriage. But she forgave every affair and believed he would change. It was 20 yrs before he did it again (as far as we know) I am one of five children. ( 23-43yrs) We had started to have a relationship again with our Dad again until he deceived us again over my mums house. My mum lives with our 37 yr old special needs sister. The house was damaged and she had to move. Now he wants money from the compensation. As much as he can get. I miss the Daddy I had. I looked up to him so much. But I hate him deeply for the pain he has caused and I know I cant forgive him. Again. Would you?

Answer 1

Your mom has one of the most unbelievable love in this world
for your dad. Its his massive loss not to cherish her. A real shame,indeed.

Im sorry,it must have been real hard for you.
Five children are grown-ups. Everyone is leading their own lives
now. Its not a matter of forgiving your dad,its about how much support you give your mom. She deserves and is the one whos supposed to get all the attention now.

Forgive him and move on (less contact recommended).
You know what they say,the more you see the person whos caused you pain the more bitter you'll get. Life is too hectic to miss whats invisible

Compensation?? I know its a bit of a pain but he is your dad after all.

You'll figure things out. Have a little faith.

Answer 2

I get how you feel. It probably wouldn't be the right thing to do to forgive him as he obviously isn't sorry for what he's done. But that doesn't mean that you can't still have a relationship with him- you can still talk to him, and have your dad that you looked up to. It won't be exactly the same, but it's the best that's going to happen. Oh, and make sure he doesn't get any money from the house. By the sounds of it, your mum needs it more than he does. Good luck!

Answer 3

What a horrible situation, this man has no regard for anyone or anything but himself. Unfortunately you will never get back the Daddy you thought you had but also continuing to hate him might be damaging to you. I think you have to do what is best for you, if you continue to hate him will you regret it when he's gone? If you can walk away from him and know it won't affect you then perhaps that's the best thing but on the other hand it might be something you sorely regret having done one he is gone. I'm sorry I wish I could give you an easy answer but there isn't one. I think the best thing to do is to sit down and seriously think about the consequences to you from whatever decision you might make. Good luck.

Answer 4

My father ran off with my mums best friend when i was a year old. I have struggled to forgive him ever since. A big part of me wants to think that he is only human and you can't help who you fall in love with but the other part of me is still the little girl sitting on the stairs waiting for her daddy that never came. Its a hard one and im guessing that even if you have a relationship with him you will never truelly forgive.xxx

Answer 5

Just because we may be related to someone doesn't mean we have to except their behaviour,he clearly thinks he is entitled to his share of the compensation,take yourself out of the situation for a moment and think if it happened to someone else say a close friend would you still feel the same,if you would you need to speak to your dad and tell him that his behaviour is upsetting you.We all want to see our parents through rose coloured glass but in reality they make the same mistakes as us,if you really cannot forgive then you have to make a decision as to whether you can be part of his life anymore,I fell out with my mother over her behaviour 15 years ago and have not spoke a word since then and now that feelings have calmed I want to make amends but to much water has now passed under the bridge so think carefully before making hasty decisions.

Answer 6

Firstly I hope your mum is ok. This is a very difficult question to answer, however I will try.
I guess you are feeling hurt and let down by your father, he has obviously lost your trust but you must remember that your mum was the one who chose to forgive his affairs, heaven's only knows why, but it was her decision to. I think it is bad to take sides and I am sure if you do so that this will only cause everyone more hurt. I think you are probably feeling angry with him and you may very well feel that you hate him but do remember that the opposite of love is indifference and not hate. I hope you can solve this but do remember you must allow your mother to make her own decisions without interfering. Incidentally if you don't want to bother with your father again, don't, that's fine but never try to influence your siblings or mum's choice. If they feel they can forgive him and wish to remain friends with him you must respect their choice. Best wishes.

Answer 7

Hi, I do understand how you feel, it is very hard to forgive someone if they have hurt you or the family, forgiveness is hard to come by and if you want the truth you will never forgive. It will remain in your soul always. But all I say is, your father will get his comeuppances at some point when her lest expects it, when you do something bad to someone it always comes back to you. Try and remember the wonderful dad you new many years ago. I wish I can give more advise for you, but it is also very hard for me. Take Care

Answer 8

of course i can not forgive him ever and i all ways think if my parents get a divorce because my dad is having an affair i wouldn't give a s*** .I would follow them and bit up that s*** he is screwing ad i really dont care if i am smaller then her what kind of parent do such thing. But all so i would miss him but he did something bad and you guys have been forgiving him every affair he had i couldn't at all.

Answer 9

The time for thinking about forgiveness is after he changes his behavior. What is the point of forgiving someone who is just going to hurt you again? In my opinion, he does not deserve any money from the compensation, but I don't know what the law says in your area.

Answer 10

You're right. Your dad doesn't deserve to be forgiven, but then do any of us really deserve forgiveness?

Forgive him, because the alternative will eat you up like a cancer. It's hard to look up to someone who is unfaithful to a 40 year marriage, and your respect for him has surely suffered a terrible blow, but he will always be your dad.

See him as someone who has made terrible mistakes, and make no mistake about it, he will pay and pay dearly for his mistakes.

Forgive him and love him as best you can, given the circumstances.