Is it wrong to be jealous of my three month old daughter?

Question

I am an american soldier serving in OIF for the first time in my military carreer, before deploying, my wife and I were expecting our first child together, a beautifull baby girl. I had to leave before she was born, but three weeks after I left she arrived into this crazy world. She is three months old now. I know parents focus has to change when they begin to have children, but I'm so used to getting all of my wifes attention. Now, I'm lucky if I get to talk to my wife alone for more than five minutes at a time. I'm a needy guy, I feel bad because I'm so jealous, but I can't help it.

Answer 1

It's OK... we had our first after 6 years of just us and it took my husband a while to get used to this little guy getting all of my attention. I told him "Pull up your big boy pants Sergeant... you'll have me all to yourself again in 18 years." It's a joke but true...kids change everything, and it definitely takes some getting used to...talk to your wife and work out some together time... of course being in the military that isn't always possible...between my husband's deployment to Iraq, NTC and DS School and now Drill Sergeant duty...our date nights have kind of become a wash... but we make due where we can and cherish our time together as a couple and a family! Good Luck! Be safe! Keep your head down!

Answer 2

I'm not sure by your letter if you are home or not. If you are home then if neither of you have parents close by who could take the baby overnight or a good friend then when she is sleeping you make time for each other. A baby of three months needs a lot of attention my daughter has a three month old baby and he brought back all the memories of my own three children. It's a tough age. If you are still deployed and you call and she can't give you the time then try to arrange a time when the baby has been fed, changed, and put back to sleep. If the baby cries have her close the door. As long as the baby has been fed and changed and there aren't any pets in the room the baby can cry for awhile. They usually cry themselves to sleep. IF she has a cordless phone she can go in and check after about 5 min. if everything is ok and the baby is still crying, she should shut the door and keep talking to you but don't leave the baby crying anymore than 10 min. She might have colic and need to be burped. Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

so many guys seem to experience the same thing.
YOU are an adult & can fend for yourself - this infant that you helped to create is totally dependant on both her mother & you to have ALL its needs met for the foreseeable future.
STOP thinking about just yourself; if you want more of your wifes attention then see how you can help her; cook a meal; look after the baby while she cooks; do the dishes/laundry; vacuum
ANYTHING that you can do(( without her having to ask you)) that may make her more amenable to giving you some of the attention that you are craving.
remember that she has had her body distorted ;invaded & then reshaped again - all the while going through a hormonal upheaval.
she is going to need time to get her body & head back together & it will NOT be helped by what can be perceived as extra demands made on her body & time by you.
you need to exercise some patience at this time
the birth of a 1st child can be both an exciting & a scary time in your lives; it is a totally new experience like you have never had or will have again.
also as you are in the military & likely to be deployed at different times keep in mind that your wife is going to be doing quite a bit of the rearing of your child/ren on her own without your physical support.

anyhow GROW UP; talk to other new dads; talk to & listen to your wife new babies can be VERY demanding

Answer 4

The mothering instincts are very strong, like the lioness protecting her cubs. She needs to feel that she is doing absolutely everything for your child, to keep her safe and happy.
She will settle down a bit as she gets used to having the baby there 24-7 and then she will relax a little more.
I don't know what OIF is, so I am out on a limb here.
If you get to see her, then take some of the workload off her and help out.
If you are in another country, then give her verbal support and tell her what a wonderful mother and wife she is to look after your child so well.
When you get home, you need to set up a date night just for the both of you.. Get a sitter and go out and be husband and wife.
If you are away for a long period of time, remember she is doing the job of 2 parents raising your daughter.....

Answer 5

If you are having a girl let her be apart in the decorating decisions.. Let her help pick out a theme.. Not only will this make her feel good but it will also help the bond between you and her.. If you are having a boy, pick neutral colors.. Again let your step-daughter help in the decisions.. You have to remember that this is her room too. If you just decorate her room just for the new baby and not take her feelings into consideration there will be resentment towards you and the baby.. I have two step-kids, my husband has custody, the mom has visitation every other weekend, if she feels like it.. When I was pregnant with my daughter I let the kids be apart of a lot of the decisions.. It doesn't mean you have to do what they want like my son wanted to name her Spider cause at that time he LOVED spiderman.. But when it came down to the theme and color I let my oldest daughter help me. She was 8 at the time and just thought she was the most important person with a big job and bragged to everyone!

Answer 6

First of all, thank you for serving our country.

The matter is, you're not a bad guy for feeling neglected. Your baby needs so much of your wife's attention right now, and she has to lower priority on other things, you included. Don't despair though. What you can do is be a part of the solution. Volunteer to do the little things with your babygirl. Change a diaper, give her a bottle, bathe her, play with her, anything to be part of her rearing and to aleviate some of the stress on your wife. She's your daughter too my friend, and you should take pride in her and do all that you can to be a significant part of her upbringing instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself (I'm sorry if that sounded mean).

Answer 7

actually it is.

it is commen for a lot of men to feel they are getting put on the back burner because of the new baby. things you can to to resolve it....try to help a bit more with the baby. if your wife isnt' breast feeding, get up in the middle of the night to feed and change her. help out with bathing, or just doing simple things like going shopping for groceries or cleaning the house. if your wife does most of these things she will appreciate the jesture. believe me.......i sure did when my son was first born. this will free up some of her time and engergy. even do everything one mornging so she can sleep in.

i would talk to your wife about it. let her know you need a bit more time with her. and with you helping out a bit more.......will give a bit more free time to spend with each other. get a baby sitter. one of the grandparents i'm sure would love to spend time with the grandbaby. make a date one evening every 2 weeks. just you and her. let her know how much you still very much love her and the baby. but you still need her as your wife. be a bit understanding though....it will be hard for her to take time away from the baby being new born. it was 6 months before i thought of letting someone look after my baby so i could go out.

Answer 8

this happens alot to the fathers, it is more common than you might think. so, what you need to do is take matters into your own hands. or should i say your wife in your own hands. she also is feeling the effects of having a new baby, she too feels that she has no time. you will need to make the time. the baby is only 3 months old. so she must be sleeping for the most part, so when she is do something romantic for you and your wife. sometimes the wife is over whelmed and feels like she has no time for anything you need to show her how to make time.

Answer 9

Just mention to your wife this. If you were at home and spending time with the baby then your wife would be wanting more of your attention too. Just search some of the other questions from wives saying they need more attention from hubby after kids. This is nartural and maybe more so since you are away.

Answer 10

Relax, this is a common reaction, you recognize it and you will get through it. The family unit is a complicated one which requires constant readjusting. You will find that your place with your wife is not weakening but strengthening. Be strong and patient express your feelings and share all you can in the rearing of your daughter. Children are overwhelming,however they are individuals and will venture out on their own leaving you again with your best friend and wife as it should be.