I am 33 and he is 42. He lives in Ga. and I live in Md. We met online 3 yrs ago and within that first year I scraped up the money to fly out to see him. Since then time has gone on and we've gotten as close as two people can get with that much distance between us. Sadly though, in all of this time he has never managed to come here to see me - either flying or driving. I can't help but feel like maybe I am not as important to him as I thought I was. I was planning to move down there with him this summer after my daughter finishes middle school, but when I made the comment that I was offered a written reccommendation to go back to nursing school, He said it would be wise to stay here and persue it rather than move there b/c my recommendation is from an instructor. Aside from that the communication has been dwindling. He rarely says the sweet things I want to hear . I have told him what I want and not much change. I don't want this to end but it really feels like maybe it's time to let go
2006-10-22 01:19:29 · 13 answers · asked by grrlgenius5173 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I guess I've just been giving him every opportunity to refocus on us again the way things used to be. I know he's not the best at expressing himself but I can't keep making excuses for him. I have written more letters than I can count, spilled out my every emotion good and bad. I know guys are notorious for not voicing their emotions. Two weeks ago I told him it was over, but that lasted about 2 days before he called asking me to tell him what I want him to do. So I told him, very bluntly what I want and what I need and that if there aren't changes then we just aren't going to make it. I shouldn't have to wonder or assume that I know what he wants or feels. I miss him terribly and would give anything to be with him, but I just feel like this has become very onesided and I am tired of hurting. I keep praying that I'm not in denial that this has been over for a while. We've shared so much over the past 3 years and I don't want to loose that. There has to be some way to respark the fire?!
2006-10-22 01:42:27 · update #1
sadly, i feel your right. sounds like he cant come out and tell you its over because he doesnt want to hurt you after such a long relationship and maybe even promised you a life together.
its like he sees your career move as a blessing in disguise for him. saves him having to keep making excuses as to why he may not want to keep the relationship going.
i would confront him straight out, tell him how you feel and if he becomes hesitant, you make the move and break it off with him. it will be hard but putting you through all of this and not knowing exactly where you stand with him is worse.
face the truth with him and move on if you have too. i really think he wants out of the relationship. i know you have invested a lot of time with him but you deserve better from a man. good luck.
2006-10-22 01:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you may find the answer but it's hard to face.. I've certainly been there before with a guy.....there are those things that I like about him so much that I overlook other things that are important. You wish and hope that those things will change but then they don't. I'm not a relationship expert so it's just my opinion but it appears that he's not meeting your needs. I guess you need to ask yourself if you really can live with someone not meeting needs that are important to you. The fact that he's not tried to visit you, even once, is key. He doesn't even know your daughter, who is a very important part of your life. I think that you should begin to do more fun things locally for yourself, with your daughter and with others (friends..male and female) to ensure that you are not clinging to him because you have enough activities in your own life. This will also help you to view things from a different perspective....
2006-10-22 01:39:23 · answer #2 · answered by trosept 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should throw in the towel. If things are dwindleing already and you havent even moved there yet then you shouldnt. Its a big change for you and for your daughter to move so far away for it to maybe not work out. Plus if he isnt too enthusiastic about you going over there and he is even suggesting that you should stay where you are and pursue your career, then maybe its for the best. He might be feeling like you 'shouldnt' move over there for whatever reason. I mean, he is so far, you dont know what he is doing over there, maybe he started a relationship or something and he is drifting away from you even more for that reason. I think you might already know deep down that the best thing for you is to stay, just listen to your gut feeling. Us women do crazy things for a man we want to be with but its not always the right thing. Think of your daughter, too. Try and be level headed.
2006-10-22 01:29:14 · answer #3 · answered by Esme 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How long have you ever been jointly? From my adventure long distance relationships normally dont artwork even though it truly concerns how a procedures aside you're from eachother and how lots you adore eachother. Is there have confidence interior the dating? in case you are able to connect her in her city then i might if i in my view cared approximately her and approximately keeping the dating jointly. via fact which you would be able to correctly be a procedures away and not have the potential to make certain eachother often that could reason tension in relationships. they want fairly some time and attempt and if the gap prohibits you from doing that it prob wont artwork
2016-10-02 13:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can I put this gently...hmmm.
You say you don't want it to end, but....
sweetie there was never anything there. It was your hope that put you into this frame of mind. Nothing more. He didn't mind you coming but he had no intentions of going there. I bet he's got about 200 other "special ladies" he met online.
After hearing all the BS from boys in HS, I can't believe that you still buy into the BS at age 33.
He's a player baby, and you've been played...
Don't throw in the towel....burn it instead.
2006-10-22 01:32:00 · answer #5 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the strain of being away from someone you care about makes it hard for you to talk to them when you know you can't be with them. You seem to have some good things going for you, and maybe you should pursue that instead of him. If he's not putting in the effort you are into the relationship, then maybe it is time to move on....I hope it works out for you either way!
2006-10-22 01:24:41 · answer #6 · answered by bezsenný 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's telling you to get on with your life and opportunities where you are ... he hasn't come to see you at all??? mmmmm ... I'm sorry ... but I think you may have wasted just a bit too much time on him .... remember how good he made you feel and don't stop fantasizing what might have been .... but pull yourself to gether and go grab the job that comes with that recommendation ... and if you want to pursue another long distance affair ... I'm an Aussie and my email addy is ...... LOL ;) ... Good Luck with that Nursing career
P.S. If you throw in the towel ... make sure it isn't a good one ... you won't get it back
2006-10-22 01:25:53 · answer #7 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it could be he's afraid of hurting you, Ga to Md, its a long way, but not an impossible trip, the 2 sides of my family go up and down from time to time, but he probably doesnt want just to see u a few times, you know?
2006-10-22 01:27:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's playing with you hon. He's probably dating down there and having a good time! Get your life back on track, and see to your daughters welfare first hon. You never know! You might meet a nice guy right where you live! Hey?
2006-10-22 01:25:56 · answer #9 · answered by wheeliebin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, throw in the towel. I know the Cyrano effect is strong but we read a lot of our own feelings, desires, and thoughts about how the other person feels about us from those notes.
Sorry, he apparently doesn't want to get more involved.
Please don't EVER move for a man unless it is a mutual agreement!!
2006-10-22 01:27:50 · answer #10 · answered by Patricia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋