I'd like to request no snarky responses. Constructive Crit is by all means welcome but please no mean-ness. My daughter's father lives with us and is a part of our family unit. However I feel that he never sees her or participates with her. He works long days but most of it from home. If he's home working he won't even say hi to her most days. On weekends we go on outings or to relative's homes but it usually ends up with me running after our daughter while he does whatever he wants, just in a different setting. He loves her I know but is there any way I can get him to interact more without seeming to imply that he doesn't care? Please be constuctive but nice as well.
2006-10-21 20:44:00 · 15 answers · asked by evilangelfaery919 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
She's only 16 months so she can't voice it well. But I spend so much time with her that it's obvious to me. She never wants me to play with her just him but he can't/doesn't depending on time and it makes her so sad. I don't have any memories of my own father during childhood due to his job that took him on international trips all the time. I don't want her to end up that way with her daddy.
2006-10-21 20:57:11 · update #1
He's my fiancee. He completely acknowledges her and even talks about having more children soon even though we're strapped for cash and time for our family as it is. I'm sorry I worded it badly.
2006-10-21 20:59:25 · update #2
Hi
Have him read this
We are a 41 year old couple,, Have a now 12 year old daughter...
My husband was at the birth and seeemd thrilled... then life got him... he was busy and I think overwhelmed.. and since we had a daughter not sure how to be... what to have in common especially when she was young...
AS she began ot get older ,, 2 and so on.. she would go to me for everything,, ignoring daddy unless it was to play .. it was like he was a toy... she had no respect for him as her father... He loved her, provided for her,a nd she loved him.. but its not enough
When they are young.. they dont get that Daddy is working and making money and showing he loves his family this way... It took work of me talking to my husband and also pushing my daughter and enforcing it all and oncee my husband saw that he could do things with her and they couldhave some dad daughter things
it got better... Mnay guys feel that financial support shows they care,,and it does .. but to a 16 month old its a given... kids dont see it the same way
Our daughter is now 12... we wanted more but the time or the money just was not there .... but our daughter and her father now have a great relationship
They watch Football together ... thank god it lets me out of it!
They love going to doing things together,.... He is the more hands on play in the yard parent than I am...
He rough houses and can take the rough and tumble whre as I simply can skip it...
Often he seems like a 2nd child.. but all the other kids around love him and says hes soo cool cause he will play and go sledding with them ... and actually sled down the hill and even build ramps and tracks etc...
AS his wife the big kid thing can be annoying but it makes for one hell of a good dad!
Your hubby in your description sounds much like mine was.. I know you are not married yet... but .. same diff really.
I wish you luck and Hubby if you are reading this... your daughter needs you to just maybe read her a book at bedtime.. get a routine of something just you and her can do.. bedtime book or something... bath time... anything that is a reg part of her day for now is good//as she gets older see what she lkes and wh at you like and trry to see if there are things you can both like together to do...
My husband golfs... well used to, no time or money now.. but he has taken our daughter many times even as a young child... she hates it.. and stinks at it.. but every oncec in a whileit time and money allow she will go with Dad just to hang with him.. and get lemonade at the club house... Just to hang with dad eh???Pretty cool
Thats what you want.... that relationship where your daughter comes to you to talk to you about stuff.. it starts NOW... as a baby...
Good Luck...
Wismom
2006-10-21 22:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by Wismom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I wish you would have said how old your daughter is, but if she is not an infant, I would recommend just leaving her with him. You come up with something to do where you can not take her and just leave them together. He will have to pay attention to her then and maybe on the week-ends, you could say you did not feel good and suggest they go alone to relatives or outings. Just a few times and that would give them alone time together. If she is an infant though, I would not leave her for too long. And if the situation continues as it is, know that your daughter will still be fine as long as she has you in a positive role and her father is not abusive or mean. A distant father is still better than no father. My husband worked all the time and has hobbies on the week-ends that did not include us, but my daughter is a well balanced person and she and I are very close. Her father is very proud of her now that she is grown and he always loved her, I just don't think he knew what to do with a little girl. So if he does not get closer to her, you will just have to compensate.
2006-10-21 20:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by nesmith52 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you spoken to him about this? Is there a reason for him to behave this way? It seems very unusual. Perhaps he wants to be involved, but just doe not know how. Maybe you could start with simple little things like making him come and kiss her goodnight after you have put her to bed, or asking for his help when doing something for her. Ask him to put her shoes on for her when getting ready to go out. I am assuming your daughter is quite young. Try and think of things to do that require he participates, or organise to go out and leave the two of them for some time alone. Good luck
2006-10-21 20:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was never around my father growing up and it impacted my life way too much. i went to live with him and his new wife when i was 13 years old. and let me tell you something it was an experience i wish on noone. he would always side with her no matter the subject just to avoid any conflict between me and her. finally i met my husband now when i was 14 (now 26) and left my dads house when i was 16 1/2. i didnt need him when i left home...i didnt need him when i graduated highschool....i didnt need him when i was having my son and i certainly dont need him now. its sad that a father doesnt want to be around their children....why even have any if you arent going to be a responsible parent?!? its sad and i feel sorry for you. if i were you i would let him know exactly how you feel and if he cant deal being a dad then he shouldnt be one.
2006-10-25 12:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by precious_moments99_2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not defending your fiance, but not all men know how to interact with a child, a baby. When my kids were babies I was scared to drop them and hurt them so I hardly carried them or played with them until they got older(3 on up). Showing affection has to be inherited from childhood.Maybe he was never shown affection therefore does not know how to be affectionate towards a baby. When you need to be concerned is when he starts showing abusive tendencies, you know, like constant anger, lots of spanking, very harsh discipline. Bide your time. Meanwhile when baby is being cutesy put her in his arms, let him experience the love and joy of loving a child, but don't push her on him, that would be forced and he might feel defensive. Hang around other couples with children the same age so he can see how they interact with their babies. be open with him, tell him what is on your mind, how you feel. Let him open up to you and let you know where he is coming from about the baby. Communication must be ever present in your lives in order to have a working relationship.
2006-10-25 14:33:14 · answer #5 · answered by the sealer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a tough situation. Perhaps he doesn't know how to interact with her. You could try being more pro-active. Such as, nicely, handing him the child and asking him to attend to some need she has, such as changing her or giving her a bath. Try involving him in activities with her, such as handing him a book and asking him to read it to her. Try and get him involved by discussing parenting decisions with him. Talk to him about new things she learns and does. If he doesn't respond to that - I would say a serious heart to heart with him about how you are feeling would be in line. Not all people are cut out to be parents. But more importantly - not everyone knows How to be a good parent. If he likes to read, maybe you could read some books on parenting together. If you join him in parenting activities - he won't feel so singled out. Good luck.
2006-10-21 20:55:31 · answer #6 · answered by Shadowtwinchaos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
<>You description of this situation is strange: " My daughter's father lives with us and is a part of our family unit." Is he your husband? Who is "us?" That aside, have you spoken to him about this? Is he failing to acknowledge her as his daughter? He may need some kind of counselling in order to see and accept his responsibility. You also don't say how old she is; can she talk to him and tell him how she feels about his lack of attention? Fathers need to realize that, if they don't interact with their kids when they're little will be missing out on an awful lot.
2006-10-21 20:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by druid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm.. I got nothin... I just know that my dad was NEVER a part of my life.... And I grew up hating him. And now I am doing the same. To be honest Im scared of the little runts that run around like little retarded midgets that dotn pay rent. (no offense to anyone)
But when they run up and jump on your lap and put their arms around your neck. You drop what you are doing and go chase down that god damned ice cream truck. Becuase thats what you just do. Maybe they need a Ice Cream truck chasing session. (Bonding) Or he just needs a Hug.
2006-10-21 20:57:31 · answer #8 · answered by Cman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1a Good thing is to do family video with your daughter and the family, showing the enteraction between him and your daughter,
this will let him come to the conclusion that he needs to spend more time with her.
2 start the conversation by " I know you love our daughter, but"
finish the rest.
3 get intervention from a trusted person(pastor,doctor,pediatrician)
4 set a schedule for him to work and time to spend with his ddaughter
2006-10-21 20:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by RENO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old is your daughter? what type of work does he do? sit down with him and talk about this ask him to take some time to spend with her maybe take to movies, shopping, the park. maybe even get some counseling.
2006-10-21 20:58:35 · answer #10 · answered by joe r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋