How can I help my daughter get more organized?

Question

I have a 10 (soon to be 11) year old girl who has the worst organizational habits. Not only is her room ALWAYS messy, she tends to continue this habit at school. She quite often turns things in late (if at all) because she either can't find or has trouble finding things. Her grades have already been suffering this year. She's a smart kid who just can't get her head out of the clouds.

She has a planner from the school that she tries to fill out every day. I am in contact with teachers to keep up on her work. We email back and forth to keep her "on task". She has been grounded, lost priveleges, and has even lost some of her "grounded priveleges" (i.e. reading, writing, etc.) as she loves to do these things.

I am at a loss as how to continue. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Getting a folder for each subject is a good idea and maybe a "take home" folder for letters that the teacher sends home. Maybe you could have her take all of her folder home weather she has homework or not and go through them with her to make sure they stay in order (like her science homework stays in the science folder and does not land in her English folder, you know?) Or maybe she is having a hard time in a particular subject? She might care about being more on top of things if she felt she understood better.

About her room...my suggestion is go through everything and find all the shoes and clothes she has out grown or never wears and put them in boxes and donate them. The same with toys and stuffed animals. Anything she does not play with donate them. And if there is anything she can't decide weather or not she wants to keep or she claims she wants to keep it but probably hasn’t seen in a year, put it all in a plastic tub and hide it somewhere where she won't find it and in a month (or however long) pull it back out and anything that she can't remember what was put in there obviously isn't that important to her so she probably wont mind if it's donated. Try to get her into the habit of making her bed when she wakes up. And if her room is big enough maybe consider getting her a little desk if she does not have one already. That would be a good place for her to keep all of her books (if she does not have a book shelf) and to work on her homework. And for dirty clothes, just get her a cute little hamper and make sure all of her dirty clothes go in there.

Also, at school be sure she is not giving her papers to her friends to copy. If she's doing that her papers could be getting lost or never returned to her, which would cause her to turn her papers in late, if ever. (Please don't think I am calling her a cheater or anything. I'm just saying, I know alot of that goes on)

Answer 2

Are there other issues going on with your daughter that you haven't mentioned or that you may not be aware of?

Disorganization at the extreme level is usually a sign of other things going on with the person in question.

Some things that can lead to extreme levels of disorganization are:
depression
obsessive compulsive disorder
aspergers
poor heath/ untreated allergies or asthma

If the problem is as bad as you have described and you are already in contact with the school, then ask the school to test her for needing OT/PT -- Since this is affecting her school performance they are required to test and see if they can help work with her to improve her organizational skills.

--I know it sounds as if I'm bringing up really big things over her being so "messy."

But my personal experience has been that it goes hand in hand with some other disorder. Some things may be hard for you to realize, because you live with your daughter every day.

What you are describing sounds like much more than just "messy."

It can be very likely that your daughter has need for more help than you can give her alone.

These are just some of the major things you should have in mind. try taking her to a doctor for a fulll physical first. Most people forget to do a yearly anyway (if she is ten, she is probably due for some of her vaccine updates.) - and rule out anything basic, like a chronic illness (for ex. rhinitis can go on for years) .

Psychiatrists and psychologists would be the next step after going to a regular doctor. She may have something where the messy is just a symptom.

Answer 3

Hi ,this was my son. He would forget the books to do the assignment Or would do the assignment then forget to turn it in. His desk at school had papers lost in it . I tried all kinds of planners and organizational tricks, then I found out he had a medical conditon that prevents him from being able to be organized. We now see a therapist and are trying to teach him ways to be organized. Talk about the guilt. Good luck with your daughter.

Answer 4

Unfortunately - it is not something you can "force" her to do. However, you can help her. First, try giving her folders for each class. And each day, check with her about her homework. Then help her make sure that she has it in each class folder. As for her room, help her organize it and each day stop by her room to make sure things are in their place, if they are not - when she gets home from school, go to her room with her and help her replace everything in it's place. More than anything - stay with her each step of the way. If you take the time and patience now to work with her, it will pay off in the long run as it will become a habit to stay organized. Hope that helps.

Answer 5

All I can tell you is to teach her now. I was never thaught to pick up and clean up as a child and now I wish I had of been. My messiness is causing problems in my marriage. I just can't seem to get motivated. Teacher her now so the habit will be set. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Why is your child's homework YOUR reponsibility? As for messy room, shut the door. As for poor organizationaly skills let her fail. My daughter had the same problem, I heard Dr. John Redmond speak onetime on kids and homework so I decided to make my then 9 year old's homework HER responsiblity. If she chose to do homework fine, if she needed my help I was there to help but not to DO the homework, not to get her set up to do her homework. If she needed help finding an answer to a math problem I gave her information on where to look. If she needed help with a writing assignment I showed her where to find the information she needed the rest was up to her. She somehow made it through school until her Sr. year of high school. she failed and had to go to summer school and adult school because she was over 18. However, She managed to get through the adult ed classes in half the time it normally takes because by flunking out of high school she lost an oppritunity that will never be offered to her again. Now in college she has maintained a grade point of 4.0 for the past two and half years...I guess it's safe to say that she learned her lesson. And so will your daughter, but you have to put the responsilbity on her, it's not your homework. It wasn't assigned to you. It was assigned to yoru daughter and it is up to her to keep herself organzied, by you doing it for her she isn't learning anything and she will continue to make you responsibe for her work throughout her school years, and I doubt you want to go back to high school. BTW grounding doesn't work. Take it from a kid who was grounded for life.

Answer 7

i aslo started having bad problems in that age level and still do. Try talking to the teacher and get things she might of miss. S he may of just got off wrong. Aslo if she seems to be missing paapers buy a big expanding folder and have her put everything in it so then you and her can go through it.

Aslo get your daughter tested . i had a problem that was not my fault, and i got some extra help.

Answer 8

Put some rules down and start writing out a timetable - tell her that if she keeps to a certain length of good behavior, you'll reward her with something. Hope this is helpful!