so, theres this old lady who has cancer and lives alone with her cat in her big mansion, so she is sent to the hospital because its her final day, and she has one visitor, it's her missing daughter she lost about 20 years ago. So the daughter said"mom, how are you?" and the mom says " im dying, honey, can you do one last thing for me?" and the daughter says" yea, what?" so she says "take care of my ol' puss y for me."
2006-10-21 19:03:56 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
i'm sorry for even clicking on this
2006-10-21 19:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by likeitis 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
that was pretty lame. Here is a better one.
An angry woman walks up to the golf course attendant and says, "I just got stung by a bee right between the first and second holes!"
The attendant says, "Well Ma'am, I'd reccomend you narrow your stance a bit."
And this one...
A man walks in a bar with a crocodile. He says: watch this.
He puts its manhood in the mouth of the crocodile and starts hitting the crocodile on its head. He takes out his thing and says:
Who wants to try and earn $50?
So an old lady comes up and says: I will, but don't hit me on the head that hard...
And one more...
A farmer lived on a quiet, rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. It became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about these drivers."
So the next day the sheriff had the county go out and put up a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING. Three days later, the farmer again called the sheriff and said, "That sign didn't help a bit. They are still hitting my chickens."
So the next day, the county put up a sign that said: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
Again, no change. So the farmer called and called, every day for three weeks.
Finally, he told the sheriff, "Look, your signs are just not working. Mind if I put up one of my own?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, let's see if yours works better." He was willing to agree to anything to get him to stop those daily calls.
Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. After three weeks, he decided to call the farmer and see how things were going. "Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go have a look at that sign. There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was on a whole sheet of plywood. Written in large, yellow letters were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
Hope you liked them. Have a great day!
2006-10-21 19:32:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry Ant, this joke sucks big time!! Try this one,why did the chicken walk on to the basketball court?? He heard the ref was blowing fowls.HaHaHa now that's funny.
2006-10-21 20:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by blackbolt 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Fun should be without any malice towards any one and it shouldn't hurt any ones feeling, not even to the slightest ! A old lady dying with cancer and crude jokes on her...Not really a sober code of conduct! Decency maintained henceforth will be highly appreciated!!!
2006-10-21 19:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by Tickler 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
not funny...!!
see this,....
The little girl was so proud of her birthday presents, her first watch and her first perfume. She really made a pest of herself throughout the morning, going up to all the relatives and sticking that watch in their ear and insisting that they smell her perfume.
The preacher was coming for lunch, but before his arrival, the girl's mother had said, "If you mention that watch or that perfume just once more, I'm going to send you to your room for the rest of the day."
The meal went rather well, and the little girl held her tongue until just when the desert was being served. She wanted to make sure that the preacher, too, knew about her new watch and her perfume:
"If you hear anything or smell anything ... it's me!"
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
2006-10-21 19:21:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
Not the funniest joke ever.
We should all get 10 points just for being subjected to that cr@p
2006-10-21 19:22:07 · answer #6 · answered by Ruthie1959 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
but I am not laughing yet.>>>>>>>>.... I hope there's still something thats still coming to really make it what you have just called it " the funniest joke in the world"!???!
2006-10-22 02:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by dobby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok so thats not even funny wheres the joke then the girl got the house
2006-10-21 19:14:51 · answer #8 · answered by lady_luck 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Okay. Enjoy the rest of your life.
2006-10-21 20:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by munkees81 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Antonio, my dear man, you are in desperate requirement of a frontal labotomy. Honestly, it wouldn't hurt half as much as your absurd attempt at humour did!!
You are, in a word, a PERVERT!!!!!
2006-10-21 19:22:37 · answer #10 · answered by Margo 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I tried to laugh but couldn't find the humor.
2006-10-21 19:39:32 · answer #11 · answered by joyfullycute 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋