Hurtful Mother?

Question

I am a 29 year old woman and I am getting married in exactly two weeks. A very big traditional wedding. I am ecstatic! My problem: I am a plus sized woman...and my mom hates it! My mother is Korean and my father is African American-to oriental moms, image means EVERYTHING! At least to the ones I know. I've been told on numerous occasions that I am beautiful, I've had strangers stop me in stores to compliment me, my loving Fiance' tells me almost every day. She lives out of state and has not seen me in 3 years. I was plus sized then, have been for 10 years at least. No conversation on the phone ends w/out her asking me if I have lost weight. I've tried to not let it bother me or cry but I am worried about what she will say. My self esteem is horrible, & unlike most blushing brides in their wedding dress, I'm dreading what she will say about me in mine and that she will ruin my day. Any suggestions on what I should say should she bring up my weight while she is here?

Answer 1

Dear Bride to be, I'm a black male, married to a Korean Lady for over twenty seven years. Her sister is married to a white male and they live in Texas, Do you want to talk, cry, laugh about issues?

May I suggest that you never, never,never, give one moments thought about what any one else has to say about the way you look. GOD made you and everyone else and HE made us all different.

Hold your head up, shoulders straight, look everyone directly into the eye and tell them that you have a big piece of mistletoe on the back of your panties! Pretend it is Christmas! (Everyone kisses under the mistletoe at Christmas)

As long as your husband-to-be is trying to break his neck to get home to you, do your thing and forget the others.

Actually, if they were worth considering, they would never say anything to hurt you. Too, if they had any kind of moral character, they would be supporting you!

It is time for you to look them straight in the eye and say, If you do not have any thing nice or positive to say, SHUT UP.

Answer 2

I feel you on being plus sized. I was skinny until I got pregnant. It was quite a change for me and I'm still struggling with dealing with the image change (I went from 125 to 185).My dad was Asian (Vietnamese) and I know everyone believes all Asians are tiny things, but my dad had. . .well rounded sisters. So image wasn't that bad in my house. I just wanted to let you know all Asians don't obsess over image. Now, for your mother, when she comes in for the wedding (I'm sure she'll be there before the actual day) before you guys do anything else. Sit down with her, have a cup of something or other, and tell her how it makes you feel. Start by saying I know you wanted me to lose weight but my fiance' and I are happy as we are. I love that you mean well for me but I've been a big girl for awhile now and I don't think it's going to change. Now with that being said (or something to the effect), let her know that your wedding is a day to celebrate love between you and your future husband. You wanted to share this day with her and you would love it if she didn't criticize or say anything negative. You know she means well but this is your day and things need to go smoothly for you. You love her and want her to be happy for you no matter what.

Answer 3

i think that before she even arrives you need to call her and tell her that you have not lost any weight and that you and your future husband are happy with who you are and what you look like. and that you are asking that when she arrives here that she not bring up your weight at all, and tell her point blank that this is going to be the happiest day of your life thus far and don't want her saying something that will upset you or your husband,and come out and ask her mom do you think that you can do this for me, if she says she will try or she don't know or something along those lines, it would be sad but you may have to tell her that if she cant do this for you then maybe it would be best that she stay home.

Answer 4

Well i think you should draw a boundary with your mother about the topic of your weight. Say, "Mom i love you, but this is something that i am not going to talk about with you. I love my body, it's not going to change any time soon, so get used to it." The trick is winning your power back from her. You have to understand that, yes she is your mother, but no she is not God. Her opinion of your body only has power if you give it power. If you know that you are happy, what does it matter what she thinks? I mean of course when you first try and draw bouandaries, she will not be happy. But just do it over and over again, and eventually she will get the point that you are happy with your body and that no amount of nagging will change that. This is your special day, and you cannot control your mother, all you can do is control how you react to her! So you have to know when to value her input and when to shove it aside. And you already know that when it comes to your body she is not on point, so why let her petty words ruin your one special day?

Answer 5

Tell her she hasn't been to see you in 3 years and what she thinks doesn't matter. Your man loves you and wants to be with you. If she is not married perhaps she is jealous because in her mind she should have someone. All that matters is that you and your fiance are happy together. To be smart you can tell her that you can always lose weight by dropping her out of your life. Don't allow your day to be governed by a women who doesn't value feelings. Looks fade then all you have to deal with is the person inside and she doesn't sound like someone that many people want to be around. Congratulations on YOUR day not hers.

Answer 6

That's sad. If she brings up your weight, I would simply state, "Your timing is inappropriate" smile and walk away from her. End of conversation. I wouldn't leave her room for any kind of response. If your overweight, it's your business, not hers. I'm sure she worries about your health, however, as far as image goes, she needs to get over it. She could ruin a relationship that way. You may need to tell her that it makes you sad, but that's where this is heading if she doesn't stop. After the wedding of course! Congratulations to you!

Answer 7

I can think of several reasons why she would act this way but none of them justify it. The first thing that came to mind is that this bloke is controlling and maybe even abusive. One of the things they do is run off peoples family and friends to get them isolated and dependent upon them. The other reason is that the older you get, especially once your children are grown, the more fearful you become of being alone. They become almost desperate and will do whatever it takes to get and keep a man; even if he is a jerk or if it means distancing themself from their families. Let your Mom know that you love her and miss her. Let her know that if she is happy with this chap, so are you. That's all you can do.

Answer 8

I think your mom will keep her mouth shut, since it is a important day for you. Live life by the fullest and Congratz on the Weeding. Your a lucky women and I wish you the best. Have fun and don't let anybody bring you down on your day.
peace out!

Answer 9

you are beautiful ,tell your self that all day and not think about what she says ,sad thing is that not all mothers are loving. hold your head high and if she should say something look her straight in the eye and say ,how could you bring that up at my wedding? put it back on her so she is the one left to think. have a lovely day..

Answer 10

be strong. tell her flat out that you are happy and nothing she says is going to ruin your day, so she should just give it up and accept you for who you are. people come in all shapes and sizes, and everyone's taste is different.tell her she is your mother and all you want from her is love and acceptance, and that you are really looking forward to sharing this special day with her.
congrats on the wedding and good luck!