why am i so unattractive?

Question

girls seem to just hit on every one of my mates all the time, i never get it. i do realise that im not good looking, but i would have thought that by now a bit of luck would have come my way. people have said "be patient, she will come" but ive been waiting 21 years, and still have not had a gf, and had maybe 1 or 2 that have ever taken a liking to me more than friends (i was not attracted to these girls at all). i have a lot of guy friends, but on the girl front, seem to be running dry. girls say they like confidence, but every time i get rejected my confidence goes down, and therefore i get rejected even more it seems. i am 21, a virgin, never had a girlfriend, and i have no real explanation for it. i have been battling depression since early 2004 (when my father was diagnosed with cancer, then later passed away) and this just adds to it. i dont even feel like i have a real purpose anymore, and that its already the beginning of the end. how can i change the way i think?

i do go out basically every weekend, but it seems that i am just unattractive to women. but i think its because of the crap i have like fair skin and covered and a lot of obvious freckles, i am very hairy on my back shoulders & chest, im short, overweight, bad eczema, that is a few reasons why im sure. i go out to meet girls, but whats the point if theres none there

Answer 1

Most guys your age have this problem with girls.

Most guys get nervious because they think that if it doesn't work out with this girl, then they won't ever be happy. That means that you have too much emotion invested in someone that you have never met. Next time ask yourself, aren't you a good person? Don't you make a good, loyal friend? if so, then you are doing her a favor by introducing yourself to her, because you are giving her the chance to meet a great guy like yourself. If she rejects you, then so what? She is the one who missed out on getting to know someone as great as you.

Approach her with a self-confident smile that implies that you already know that she should like someone like you, and it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy since your positive attitude will be catching. Make sure that you make consistent eye contact, because that implies interest in the other person (always flattering), and it implies self-confidence (the opposite of fearful & needy).

Also, when you are talking to a girl, and you feel too shy to maintain eye contact, make sure that you look away by moving your eyes horizontally across the room as if you were looking for someone else. Do NOT look down, like most shy guys do (she will think that you are looking at her boobs, and get offended). If you do accidentally offend someone, don't be so apologetic about it that you look line a wimp (in the long run, women hate that). Just calmly say that you are sorry once and if she cannot drop it, then either tell her to drop it, or else find someone else to talk to.

Oh yea, try to develop a sense of humor. You want to come across as "fun", but don't crack jokes so much that you seem "goofy". Anything can be overdone. This may seem counter-initiative, but when you talk to a girl, try opening with a joke about something that she is wearing, doing, or looking at. Make fun of her a little. As long as it is funny, you will look confident for taking a risk by saying something that might possibly be offensive (she is unsure), and you will also seem fun for making her laugh. If she gets upset, just look at her calmly an say, it was only a joke.

BTW, if you find yourself staring at a cute girl, and she looks up and sees you looking at her, do NOT do what most guys do; most guys in this situation will get shy and immediately look AWAY. If you read girls responses on Y!A, you will notice that this freaks girls out. If she sees you, ALWAYS maintain eye contact no matter how scary it seems, until SHE looks away. This makes you look confident. After that, do not keep looking at her. Ignore her and go talk to other people. She will probably come over and talk to you in order to see what's up.

Also, at the risk of being reported as spam, I would recomend that you go to doubleyourdating dot com and sign up for their free newsletter. It helped me.

Answer 2

Well I can put it like this, if you say your unattractive, then do something that fits just you. Being able to know you show your true self will bring women to you without having to hide anything. Now finding a girl is kinda hard these days but just keep on hunting. And most important, worry about yourself, not a date or anything like that.

Everbody says they are ugly. Hell, I say I'm ugly and plus I'm a virgin too.... But you should know that we aint all perfect so go ahead and do what yo uwanna do. You will have that cold shoulder feeling of no one being there from time to time, but it will soon pass, find girls as a small hobby-like thing rather than a goal.

But the main thing is satisfy yourself and appreciate the fact you are who you are, kinda hard on that part but as long as you please yourself, it shouldnt hurt you.

And if you say you feel not completed, thats true. You just gotta have time work for you becuase it might be a few years, it might not be. And always look around where your at and observe a babe or two and see if any guy is holding hands with her, becuase that might be someone single too.

Answer 3

Hi,
Here's a thought that I've found works! Try and think positive and for some unknown reason positive things happen! I know that sounds rather simple and at times will be difficult. But take a look around at all the people you "think" are having such an easy time of finding someone, or their life on the "outside" appears to be better. The secret is..it's not any easier for them then it is for you, it's just everyone goes about things in a different way! Try it for one day...one hour..one incident ..and see what happens.
Can I also suggest you sign on to some of the free dating sites..there's a lot of girls your age on them.
It's interesting to chat with different people and I wouldn't be surprised if you hooked up with someone special before long. One more thought...love yourself ..so others will love you back.
Good luck ..although, I've got the feeling you won't need it for long.

Answer 4

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. The fact is your are looking at life very wrong. I understand that we need companionship but know that there are other things in life besides women. Women love a man with confidence you could be the ugliest guy in the world but make a woman feel like you don't want her and she will try harder to get you. Work on your appearance. If you are intelligent use that as way to flaunt your confidence. If that doesn't work find a nice girl that would be willing to change a few things to please you. They are out there. Don't be to choosy when it comes to looks they are always changing. You could meet a bomb shell who gains 100 pounds after you meet her, won't wax, comb her hair, or anything. Or you could meet a descent girl who can learn to comb her hair the way you like it and other things. Be smart

Answer 5

A lot of it is your outlook on life. Start by getting yourself into therapy or counselling for your depression (if you don't have insurance, most cities have free or pay-what-you-can clinics) if you aren't already. Follow it up with signing up for activities that you think are fun and interesting, and you'll be more calm and less stressed, which will help. Make sure you wear clothes that are flattering and make you feel attractive, and get a good haircut. Use soaps, shampoos, and deodorant that smell nice (I've always dated guys that turn out to use Irish Spring and Old Spice).

Good luck!

Answer 6

It would seem to me that you are not unattractive. I believe how you perceive yourself is what people pick up on. If you feel less about yourself it shows. I don't think showing confidence is the way to go that often shows arrogance. You must first love yourself before others can love you. Work out get healthy have a belief in God and put yourself out there as someone who matters, because you do. Once you can feel good about yourself then others will pick up on your positive healthy attitude and wont be able to help but be attracted to you.

Answer 7

You're so unattractive because you keep asking this question in your mind. Consciously or unconsciously. What do you want in life dude? Girls are girls, guys are guys, they need each other, and you don't have to think about it.

If you haven't met anyone yet, it could be because there's no one yet for you.... or because you keep that question in your mind, and scare them away. Come on, cheer up, if you really need a girlfriend, stop asking those q and build your life. Go to gym, live a healthy life. Ask your self: what kind of girl you want to meet? Be specific, then go for it. Learn something, and stop asking silly question you don't even wanna know the answer.

HOW CAN YOU BE HEALTHY AS HEALTHY AS YOU CAN!!! that's something to think of.

I have a disabled friend, he's mute. Even he have a girlfriend (not mute). I think they are going to married soon.

Answer 8

#1 lesson. Confidence.

So, given your situation, try to hang out with the girls who likes you (even if you dont like them). Give attention to them. Learn from them. That way, it would boost your confidence.

#2 lesson.
If you are trying to search for the perfect woman, and rejects other women, by the time you meet her, you'll see that she's looking for the perfect man, and rejects you.

When you get your much needed confidence, try to go for the girl you like. But always keep in mind lesson # 2. It is not about searching for the perfect woman, but learning to see an imperfect woman perfectly!

Answer 9

going to the gym or having actiivites like that really help change your looks and attitude. Im sorry you think lke that right now but dont ever give up. Find an awesome girl who loves the same things you do

Answer 10

aww.. that`s so sad. are you okay? it`s okay. just keep your head up and try to be more confidence. don`t worry. this is a big world, i`m sure you`ll find someone. good luck ! i`m still a virgin! but that`s the choice i made. and i`m happy of it i`ve only had like two boyfriends. that`s cause i`m very picky. but i`m really proud of myself, maybe you should too. good luck ! =]