Why is adoption seen as 'second best'?

Question

Adoption has been a hot topic in the news - but its always been something very close to my heart.

I do wonder, how ever, why adoption is always viewed as 'second best' or as the 'last option'...why are adopted kids made fun of - and why is adoption seen as such a bad thing (so much so that its used as an insult in movies/TV)?

The recent Billy Bob Thornton has a line in it regarding adoption which is very offensive to those who are adopted.

There are a number of them...the movie/TV industry doesn't do very much to eduate themselves on postive adoption language, sadly.

Many of the Crime/Medical dramas have something nasty to say about adoption when its a topic...

Kuji,

Thank you for your reply, I am also a birthmother, as well as an adoptee and currently working on getting my license to foster in the state I just moved to.

Thanks for putting yourself out here - knowing how cruel people can be...

(I've read/been subjected to the stereotypes as wel, and its frustrating!)

Answer 1

I don't know. The kids who are made fun of for being adopted should tell people their parents CHOSE them, they didn't have to, but they wanted them bad enough that they adopted them.

Answer 2

Dear Brandy H,
Adoption isn't seen as second best by most.Most adoption these days are open and seen by most as a Blessing from God. I am in the process of adopting a child and I have not come across anyone who views or feels it is the last option or second best. Many have children of their own and adopt for the love of a child. As far as being made fun of this I haven't seen either. But children on the playground can be very unkind to one another and will make fun of anything or anyone because they are children. And in the movies remember it's a movie and it needs to be viewed as just that. I hope this helps you some. It is very troubling that you have been so miss guided about adoption. I wish you the best. maybe you should do some more reading and research I am sure you will see how miss misguided you have been. Remember November is National Adoption month.
God Bless.

Answer 3

I've never seen my adopted friends being made fun of but I'm sure it happens to some, especially if the child is sensitive about the subject.

I guess it has something to do with the perception that the birth mother must have been uncaring, promiscuous, drug addicted and probably genetically defective as well. I am a birth mother and I constantly see these stereotypes in the media. I was just young and wanted a better life for my child than I could afford after being dumped by a boyfriend before I even knew I was pregnant.

I think most people have a desire to have a biological child. The urge is just built into us as part of the survival of the fittest and all that. It's a hard decision for parents to give up the idea that they can physically reproduce.

Answer 4

The public view of adoption has changed. A few generations ago, a child wasn't told he or she was adopted. It was 'hidden' and the parents attempted to pass the child off as their own biological child. It was an impossible game, and the child always found out eventually, usually with very sad results.
In those days, when birth control wasn't an option, women had up to ten or more children. And any woman who didn't have children thought of herself as having somehow failed at something very basic.
Times changed, people were able to control their reproduction, and families dropped to the one or two children that are common today. Suddenly, producing a child wasn't such an important thing any more.
But here's where the irony comes in. Now that people were looking at adoption in a totally different way, there were fewer children to adopt, and they became very special.
Today, people don't adopt children because they have 'failed' to produce one of their own. They adopt a child because they want to have a child. Some are single parents, others are people who for genetic reasons, prefer not to give birth to their own child but want to adopt one.
Adoption isn't regarded as second best or the last option anymore, because it isn't.
A little girl in our neighborhood confided to me the other day, that she always had two birthdays. One was the day she was born, and the other was the day she was adopted.
Then she looked at me, and explained: "Adopted means that someone wants you more than anything, and if they're lucky, they can get to be your mummy."
That child certainly didn't think adoption was 'second best', and looking at her, neither did I.

Answer 5

Because a lot of people don't have first hand knowledge or experience.

My sister was adopted. From the moment that she entered our family, my parents let me know that she was as much family as I was. I was so impressed with the love my parents shared with both of us that when I got engaged, one of the first agreements was that when we were ready, we would expand our family only by adoption.

My wife was also adopted. Not such a great background for her. Her parents were told they couldn't have kids. They adopted her. Five years later along comes a little brother. They never stopped telling her she wasn't "blood." Pretty cruel. Since their deaths, I helped my wife find her birthmother. That has developed into a great relationship for her. She now has a half-sister whom she really enjoys talking with.

We now have one adopted child and are in the process of adopting a second.

My daughter is very positive about adoption. I've told her that she is special because most people only get to have one pair of parents. She has two!!! Since this talk, it's now expanded to two mommies and three daddies. She so much loved the owner of a restaurant that she's made him an honorary daddy also.

Answer 6

Probably for the same reason other groups are targeted - the outside world just doesn't get it.

Adoped children are not second best but are seen that way to the outside world because many times adoptive parents are infertile and turn to adoption as a way to build their family. Because it's the second step in a process doesn't mean it was/is a second choice or last option.

Why are adopted kids made fun of? Again, it's out of the ordinary so kids will tease - just like I was made fun of because I and a learning disability. There is no reason for me to be ashamed because I had dyslexia - it's part of who I am. Just like my son has no reason to be ashamed of being adopted - it's part of who he is.

TV/Movies - well, that's a pet peeve of mine. Until the public at large starts yelling at the movie studios and TV stations about those ridiculous comments (kid's crying cause his brother said he's adopted type stuff), it will continue.

I wrote a scathing email to a local news reporter who remarked that Angelina Jolie was finally going to have a child of her own. I don't need to tell you that she already had two of her own children - just because they were adopted doesn't mean they are not her children. And please don't get me started about news reports where children are singled out as being adopted. They don't do it to biological children, they sure as heck shouldn't be doing it to adopted children.

Ok - I'll put my soapbox away. I don't know if I answered any questions for you but I hope I did :)

Answer 7

it is not a bad thing. You must understand the psychology of western society. in the past a child out of wedlock would have been the topic of such harrassment, now it is acceptible to have just a mom or a dad, but to have neither is still and oddity and human nature is to attack what you do not understand or what is different. thus an adopted child (Being different than the others) gets attacked. it is a sad fact. the media makes it's value by steriotyping and making fun of anything that will get ratings rather than protraying a true representation of society. society then mimics the media. it is sad and one day things need to change, but I do not believe that adoption is a bad thing or anything that should be shunned.

Answer 8

Adoption is not considered as 'second best' and the last option! It isn't seen as a bad thing at all, it's a wonderful thing in every way. I had adopted friends growing up, have had adopted cousins, and the list goes on. We never thought anything of it and no one made fun of them that I can ever remember. As for second best and the last option ..? Not in a million years. In my opinion, it was always the best thing and the option of choice and I believe the majority of women who can't have their own biological children, but want children, would agree.

Answer 9

I have never thought of adoption as such a bad thing.
It is human to want to reproduce. If that doesn't happen, that doesn't mean adoption is a second choice as in inferrior.

I gave birth to my first son 31 years ago. Then was told there would be no more babys. All my life I had said I wanted to adopt, not for me but for a child that needs a family. Well, we adopted a newborn baby girl. Then I found out I did get pregnant again with another boy. Our family was complete. My daughter is proud to be part of the family. At one point she wanted to search for her birth family and I said I would help her. Then she told me I was her mom and thats all she needs. When she was a rebelous teenager I wrote her a poem entitled "the child of my heart"
I was so amazed that over the years she has kept it in her walet.
She has given me two wonderful grandchildren. And I love her as my child, because she is mine. I have experienced both birth and adopting and both ways are exciting and rewarding.

My brother and his wife never were able to concieve. They have two adopted boys who both were products of young teenage sex, but were loved enough to be given to a family that could raise them and be a family. I don't see any thing insulting and don't see it in public or on TV. I just see it when a kid or birth mother is looking for their birth family. There is bound to be some emotional concerns, but all in all things balance out. The need to be a family and be loved is universal and human

Answer 10

Adoption is often seen as "the last option" because it is very difficult. There are not enough babies to go around to couples who want them. It is a lot easier to try other methods first.

I've never seen adoption as an insult in movies/TV. Can you give me an example?

Answer 11

I don't see it as a second option. I plann on adopting someday even though I have 3 kids of my own. Many stars are adopting these days and it isn't second choice for them either. But I see your point. Lets just hope that those negative thoughts change.