what do you think of my poem?

Question

The Garden

The sky dark grey a rain bearing a nervous chill fell from the sky , And I stood before it strong and brave while unsure inside, Could this clearing that I seek exist, shall I find the rainbow of my senses in your branches. I taste the apple red with passion. And find it quenches my hunger leaving me content. I taste the berry blue with calm, As it soothes my manner and stills the rush of chaotic thought. I taste the orange aglow with warmth, lifts me from the cold embrace of the uncertain, I taste the grape purple with substance, finding a sense of comfort in her unique character. I taste the banana yellow of kindred, and rejoice in fact that I shall never walk alone, I taste the lime green with envy, the bitter bite of wonder how one would not tend the balance of the garden. So I stand against the driving rain of my doubts and preconceptions, for this garden is fresh not wrought with the ash of failed harvest. Her branches are inviting calling me ever closer. For as the skys brighten the rain of chill succumbs to the warm sun she kisses my brow. Assuring me that I shall reach the clearing which draws ever closer. And I know there I will find her branches open to me. As I find the warm shelter for my dream, I shall never falter in the tending of our garden.

Answer 1

Your poem has potential, very descriptive, and very well versed....it is hard to tell where you are trying to go with the lines, and at the same time you put things in perspective for the reader....all in all, a rather decent poet

Answer 2

This seems more than "luck"..I found the repeat of you question, (with title included), & because I simply don't know how comments are conveyed, (I made two), or how much room I had for them, I now have the opportunity to to say a bit more. Have you ever read anything by Alice Hoffman? In her novels, some more than others, she is luminous, lush with imagery, myth & magic. I have all of her books & have read some as many as seven times, always re-discovering . Quote from The San Diego Union-Tribune: "Her novels are as fluid & graceful as dreams." Writing short stories was just a pragmatic suggestion; you might not care to. Another quote you might find interesting: "Her prose reads almost like poetry." Try ILLUMINATION NIGHT, or WHITE HORSES". I prefer her books of the eighties. There seemed less enchantment in her last novel, but she has enriched my life. In a time when "fast reading" & dialog seem the trend, "finding" her was as if I had caught a bright, falling star in the palm of my hand. All her senses are acute; she weaves metaphors & magic through the content, & so very real characters. You have more than a "knack," my dear.

Answer 3

It's goood, but hard to understand-- it's one paragraph!!

Here's mine:

There once was a sister,
Who had a lot of blisters
Her cat had no fur
Her dad wasn't a sir
And that's the story of the sister!

Answer 4

it could be better i only read up to "could this clearing" (i have a short attention span)

Answer 5

it made me really thirsty for gatorade