Is he being inconsiderate?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months, and I always tell him how good he looks or how much I care about him. He never says the same in return. Should I be worried or are most men like this?

Answer 1

No he is not being inconsiderate, he is not understanding your needs, and he is being a little dense.

Two men can go for a few weeks and only say 20 words or less to each other and still consider themselves to be good friends. If a woman tried that then she would be thinking, "What is wrong, why isn't she talking with me, is she avoiding me? What does she think that I have done to offend her?" Probably all in the first five minutes after discovering the problem.

To a woman the most important things in her life are her relationships. This is a survival tactic of her genes and is based on her biology. It is also why a man can go for a week using only 20,000 words where a woman needs 70,000 words (from an episode of 20/20 aired on ABC on Sept. 30, 2006).

It is not that he isn't grateful for your complements, it’s that he doesn't know this is a queue for a conversation so you can deepen your relationship with him. He doesn't think that a response is required. You need to be a little bolder in your attempt to start a conversation. After a few months of hearing this complement he is taking it for granted. He probably isn’t even listening to what you are saying, because you have said it so often before.

Don't ask him if he thinks you are good looking, he will think that you are fishing for a complement. Instead you need to take a different route. If you ask him what he thinks about your complement then he will probably, and truthfully say, "Thanks, that's nice." He isn't closing himself off to you; he just doesn't put much weight in the conversation queue. Now if you were with a woman and she didn't respond then yes she would be rude and inconsiderate.

I wish I could give you some better hints on how to get through to him, but I don't know any sure fire ways. The easiest way is to go to what is important to him, and most often that is how he” hunts.” Another words his job; if he is still in school then it could be his classes or his favorite sport.

The line, "We need to talk." Means most men will be thinking, "Oh no, what did I do wrong now?" Try questions like, "What do you think about this?" or "What do you think that means?" Or maybe when you are planning your next date ask him, "I think that's nice, but what does it mean to you?" or "How is this special to you?"

Don't be surprised if he is uncomfortable talking about his feelings, or pondering a question. That is the default mode for women, but it is the exact opposite for men. Most men are taught how to SUPPRESS AND DENY their feelings. Getting to see them will be difficult for both of you. To show his true feelings he will have to drop his guard and really put himself out on a limb. He will feel vulnerable, and he could be worried about how you might use this against him. These thoughts may be far from your mind, but they wouldn't be far from a man's mind. You will have to find a way to put him at ease and reassure him.

You might try a line like, "What do you like me to wear?" To a woman this might seem like a really leading question, but to most men it means that you want their honest opinion, and usually they will give it. When a woman thinks that a dress might make her look fat she is thinking about the how, the why, and the consequences of that. When a man is asked, "Do you think this dress makes me look fat?" He thinks that the only thing you want to know is his opinion about that dress; which is usually a simple yes or no. He doesn't realize that a yes answer would have so many implications to you.

Men and women are designed differently and so they think differently. We may speak a common language, but how we use it and the weight we put into our words differ with the sexes.

Here is another piece of advice; women want their first time to be special. Their first date their first kiss, the first time they have sex. Not just the first time these things to happen, but the first times they happen with each boy. To a man these events are more like goals, he wants it to happen as well, it will be special to him, but not as special as it will be for you. So if you want the moment to be "magical" then you have to set the mood and make it happen. It isn't that the man is a crude, stupid, blind clod. It is that he doesn't even think that way.

devil_que...: If she acts as how you suggest then he may not even notice the lack of the complement and appear to be even more rude and inconsiderate.
Ko and tim k: have nailed it on the head.
dukalink6...: Look at his response, he knows better, but his suggested action is one that only a man would think of. If you cuffed him then he will ask, “What was that for?” Then you might be able to open the conversation. It isn’t that men are thick headed (well some of us aren’t), but we don’t really think that much a reply is needed.
nemraC and Candace T: Prove my point. If a woman did this then it would be tantamount to a declaration of war! A guy doesn’t think that way; we are not as emotional and affectionate as women are.
~Lost Gurl~: Once again is seeing it through a woman’s eye. I am not saying that she is wrong; if a woman were involved she would be right. But, this is a guy we are talking about and conversation is not as important to a guy as it is to a woman. Confronting him will only puzzle him, he doesn’t think like a woman so he doesn’t realize how important this issue can be. He also doesn’t realize that you are looking for a lot more than a complement back, you want to know how he really feels, and what he is really thinking about.
michellej: is once again proving my point, your complement is a queue for more conversation, to a woman, to a man it is a simple declarative statement.

Answer 2

Being courteous or respectful of another person should not be restricted to gender. If your compliment is genuine and made out of love, he should find some occasion to genuninely express something he admires about you in return.
However young teen and adult men tend to be less aware of these little social niceties that they eventually grow into. How old or experienced is your boyfriend is something to take into account. Is he just inconsiderate on returning compliments, or inconsiderate in other areas as well?
Also, an important point to note, some women DO do this. Are you simply complimenting him in order to get a returning favourable comment? Are you somehow seeking his attention?
Men are very instinctive about such things. If he feels you are entrapping his responses or that you are generally being fake, he will simply stop reacting.

Answer 3

You say that you only been dating for five months. Gurl, if the man refuse to say how he feels about you or give you any compliments then he is either preoccupied by someone else or he thinks you are rushing things. You need to get clarification with him because if he is not feeling you then you can move on with better things. Try to avoid giving him compliments and\or telling him how you feel about him. He will think that you have lost interest in him or cheating on him but he will notice that it stopped. He's taking you for granted because he may not be ready for a commited relationship. Last but not least, ask questions, it can't hurt to ask them.

Answer 4

Well I take it this is something you want/need from a man. If that's the case, you should tell him. He is probably just not aware of how much you enjoy him thinking outloud. Personally I'd prefer a guy who didn't tell me that everyday. If I was told I looked great everday, how would I ever know when I actually looked great and looked not so great? I'd appreciate it, but if that's not the case, which is perfectly fine in my opinion, you should simply talk to him about it. Don't make a big deal of it, just keep it casual.

Answer 5

Its demanding to say because ur bf in difficulty-free words is familiar with why he vanishes. i might want to say from personal and observational reports that he's both having between right here. a million. a demanding time forgiving or forgetting about something that occured between you 2. 2. might want to be seeing somebody else so has to spend time chatting with her. 3. Is annoyed with you and randomly has mood swings and it is his subject no longer yours. 4. in basic terms needs to bother you. If this maintains and he doesnt furnish you with interest that you regularly get, in basic terms flow on. yet another element to shop in recommendations is so what if he doesnt reply quick or doesnt opt to communicate at nighttime, you are able to stay without it and be conscious if he truly cares for you. If he does he stands proud because the single calling you. Take it basic, you would possibly want to do it, ive been by ability of a lot worse and that i comprehend you are able to if i visit.

Answer 6

Dont take it personally, as you get older you will notice even more annoying things about guys. Thats just the way it is girl, sorry. But if you notice that he starts treating you like garbage, get rid of him because you dont deserve that. In the meantime dont ba too worried about it cause most guys are not as emotional and affectionate as us girls are.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

I think most men are just like that but I still find it to be inconsiderate.

Answer 8

Don't make a problem where there isn't one, most men don't think about stuff like that. Just take the complements that you do get and treasure them

Answer 9

Most men are like this, but i would cuff him on it

Answer 10

tell him what you'd like to hear, then after a while remind him, then remind him again......us men need to be told what you women want.