Well I was dating this guy...I think we're done now. He told me that he doesn't love himself and is always miserable that he needs to be more serious about AA (mainly by surrounding himself w/their members) and can't date until he feels he's loves himself. He feels like i'm "too good for him". I really care about him and feels he cares about me too...I have never dealt w/alcoholism or depression...so could you help me understand what's going on or is this guy "just not that into me". I just feel that no matter what you're going through in your life, if you are "in to" a person, you'll stop at nothing to be with them.
2006-10-21 16:38:01 · 8 answers · asked by Kyppa 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
dont offer him a drink
2006-10-21 16:41:34 · answer #1 · answered by sparky_butt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience and as a peer advocate for the dually diagnosed, AA is not a good place to be for someone with depression. AA has a large and very vocal anti-medication, anti-therapy faction. I was told if I worked a "good program", I wouldn't need therapy.
HA! What I needed was therapy and THEN I was able to stay stopped without any meetings, steps, or sponsors.
AA is all about tearing a person down and turning them into another AA drone. They call alcoholism a "disease of self" and engage in ego deflation when most people with mental health issues need to become self-empowered.
Even if you decide to break it off with this guy, be a friend and steer him to this website:
http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=Your_Local_Nami
Have him contact his local NAMI office and see what else is available, hopefully an ACT (Assertive Community Treatment) program.
Or maybe there an SOS meeting in your area:
http://sossobriety.org/meetings/
Or SMART meetings:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/meetings_db/view/
Or he can visit either of those online.
Here's more to check out:
http://www.sossobriety.org/aalinks.htm
2006-10-21 19:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by raysny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never said how long he's been sober. Doesn't sound long for most that have been around program of AA become fairly happy. Someone in AA may be leading him in the direction of no relationships until he has learned more about loving himself. Also a great deal of recovering people find "outside" help also helpful.
2006-10-22 07:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by tamara.knsley@sbcglobal.net 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being an alcohic is bad enough but hes also depressed, lord i feel sorry for him. but hes right he needs to put all his emotions into getting well, and yes that means he has to learn to love himself before he can love you. step back let him know youre there if he needs you, and if he does care for you he will come to you. call him every now and then, let him know you care but dont push him his emotions are all confused now.
2006-10-21 16:59:07 · answer #4 · answered by Margie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect his decision and move on. He's a got a LOT going on right now that you don't even want to be involved with. Trust me, I've been there. I know this seems harsh, but it's really for the best.
2006-10-21 16:41:54 · answer #5 · answered by TrainerMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try an Alanon meeting. Even if you two don't stay together look up a meeting a check it out. You can really benefit from learning more about loving someone with his issues.
2006-10-21 16:43:56 · answer #6 · answered by NuMi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The alcoholic needs time to readjust... otherwise you'd just be an enabler.. right now you both need a friend .... anything else can wait.
2006-10-21 16:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Sorcha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a professional standpoint(nurse in the mental health field)
don't do it. They can not make themselves happy until they are clean(from whatever their addication) and will bring you down.
Run fast
2006-10-21 16:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by RSH 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋