I purposely isolate myself from people?

Question

The only person I feel comfortable being around is my boyfriend. I feel anxious alot. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend wanted to have friends over tonight. And I didn't want to (we pretty much live together so the decision is the both of ours). And its fine that he did. But he didn't take what I wanted into consideration. It was like he already made up his mind that they were going to come over, and and didn't care how I felt. I don't like being around people, ever, ever, ever. Unless it is my boyfriend. I hate it when I walk to class (on college campus), or go to the cafeteria, parties, walmart, anything. Anybody else feel this way?? Like they just can't relax, ever?? And they need time to do it, on the weekend, without people there...because they can't relax with the people there. But he wants them, there, so I feel like I never got that recuperation relaxation time I need to face the next stressfull week of school, or being around people again.

I have never felt this comfortable around anyone (my boyfreind), in my whole life. I feel as comfortable around him, as I do all by myself in a room, probably more comfortable actually. I can be the exact person that I am, when I am all alone infront of him, and I love that.

I never used to feel this anxious around other people before. I have always felt it to some degree, but never like this.

Answer 1

There may be some kind of disorder there; it may stem from a childhood trauma in which your boundaries as an individual were violated; now, you're trying to overcompensate.

There is also the question of introvert / extrovert, which "gooplic" here also mentioned. Yes, it is a very good book! The way it explains it, is where is your source of energy / recharging? An introvert (and I'm one, too!) gets their energy recharged, by being alone, having some quiet time, etc. An extrovert gets recharged, by having activity, excitement and many people around them. Society tends to "favor" the extrovert, so people who are introvert, are considered, not really "normal".

See if you can perhaps reach a compromise -- maybe something like his friends coming over, but for a very specific timeframe, so that you can define what's comfortable for you as well. Please also look into speaking with a therapist, because anytime a fear gets in the way of day-to-day life, then you want to examine with a trusted professional, what the heck is going on.

Answer 2

i don't really know why it is but i do the same thing, when i walk to class I go around the outside of the campus on the service drives and stuff so that I don't have to walk in the crowd. I live alone so it's easier that I don't have anybody inviting people over. I think that the more i'm alone the more I get this way, but I don't really mind it. It's inconvienent at times sure but the rest of the time it's just me and it's comfortable.

Lots of people immediately jump to the disorder conclusion and say that there's something wrong, but it's really only a problem if it bothers you enough to want to change it.

Not to hijack your thread w/my own problems, but just to say I know where you're coming from.

edit:
heh looking at the other answers it looks like there's a lot of us out there that don't like company, we should start a club... or wait no....

actually as a bit of trivia in the sherlock holmes books there is such a club, it's called the Diogenes Club more info here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diogenes_Club

Answer 3

I don't really feel comfortable around people either, unless it is someone that I love. I would rather be alone most of the time than around others. It just seems like too much time and energy to keep up the small talk. I do have to say though that I do not feel like this is necessarily a healthy attitude, and I am trying to work on it. I feel most of the time that I just simply do not relate well to most people.

Answer 4

Don't feel bad about how you feel. I've felt like that before. Never wanted to meet new people or risk having a stranger even notice my exsistance. I decided to take a risk and begin to trust the world around me. The only way to get past it is to take a chance and talk to the people around you. The next time you go to Wal-mart start a conversation w/ the cashier. At school be the first one to answer a question. You can't always expect that same comfort level with other people that you have with your boyfriend. It took time for you to get there. Experience different types of comfort with different types of people. Hope this helps....

Answer 5

very interesting.i do that at family reunions,but every year i talk more and more to them.(i seem like a total wiotch when i isolate myself from people but i have a very very good reason)probably same with school,but you get used to it after a little while.maybe somethings bothering you and you need to take some time and figure out what it is.have you talked to your bf about this?i'm mean since you feel so comfortable around him you should talk to him about it and tell him your being serious.you do not wanna go through life being anxious and not wanting to be around people,you'll probably suffer more anxiety than you are now.so take a breath and just relax.tlalk to someone about.you'll figure it out.good luck!
%peace%

Answer 6

im the exact same way, i just dont like being around people, unless it is my mom or dad, thats it...i live with my cousins now (parents divorced) and they always have friends over and for me its like torture. Its not that i have something against them its just i dont like being around them...i like to be alone...i think it was b/c of the way i was brought up...i was an only child and my mom was always there with me (not over protective, but always with me, whatever she did, i was with her...i never played sports b/c of the other people...) i was just always a loner...to this day im a loner...

i also think it has to do with the fact that we have moved so many times and i dont get an opertunity to make long-term friendships. ive been to four high school...a year in each grade was a diff school. i also dont have the urge to make friends now. Im not a crabby person, it just since i have never had a longterm friendship w/ someone for 17 years now, its like i dont really miss it. Its like having a sibling...people ask if i wished i had a bro or sis, but i say no b/c i dont know what it is like so i dont have the feelings for one...ya know what i mean?

Answer 7

I wish I knew what to tell you. I have the exact same problem. I like people, but being around them and making conversation with people is just uncomfortable for me. You may want to look into social anxiety disorder or avoidant personality.

Answer 8

I feel that way sometimes. I think it would be healthy for you to accept your boyfriends friends. Just try to open up and have fun with them. Im sure they are nice people.

Answer 9

sounds like your a intovert living with an extrovert there is a book that helped me (because I feel the same as you) its called Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen

Answer 10

This sounds like a clear cut case of agoraphobia. Usually I use this forum for jokes and wisecracks, but it sounds like you have a serious issue. I would seek professional help immediately before this further debilitates you or destroys your relationship with your boyfriend.