It has only been 1 month and a few days,iam scrambled emotionally,i can't cry, work helps,my mom and i used to argue like crazy...i was a rebellious middle child..now iam an adult and feel like a lost child
2006-10-21 15:51:52 · 12 answers · asked by rebel one 3 in Health ➔ Other - Health
by the way.. i want to cry.. i just can't and what is weird is...iam usually quite sensitive,and before she died i did write a beautiful letter to her telling her how much she meant to me. i mean i cry if i see a dead animal on the street,well not totally..
2006-10-21 16:15:00 · update #1
everything you said here is quite normal. grieving is a long process and we each go through it in our own way.
knowing whatever you're feeling is normal and allowing yourself to fully experience those feelings will help you let them go.
time is the only real remedy that i know of - each day will get a bit easier. you will never forget her, but there will come a time when you realize that you remember with fondness instead of pain.
2006-10-21 16:07:46 · answer #1 · answered by littleminx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone grieves in their own way hun. I had a helluva time grieving for my Dad after he passed (I was only 19). I left school, couldn't hold a job, couldn't cry, couldn't do anything really... To this day I still get pretty upset when I think about it a lot but I also know I have A LOT of wonderful memories... those end up pushing aside any bad memories of fights etc. Hang in there sweetie! You're not alone in this... Find someone to talk to if need be... Sometimes just getting it all out helps in the process. Best Wishes!
2006-10-21 23:01:15 · answer #2 · answered by annathespian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. This is ment to help and if doesn't feel right to you then don't do it. Here are some ideas: If you want to honor her life maybe you will want to contact some of her friends and get to know a side of her that you never had the chance to know. Do a discovery of the person she was before she had you in her life, you may find that you have much in common, or not. Try to think of what you argued about, and what you might say to her if she were there, write her a letter expressing how you felt, read it out loud, and then burn it. Fire is used in many cultures as a symbol of purification. Allow your self to be accepting that she was a human and had flaws. It is hard for many people to express what they truly feel, especially in the American culture where we are taught to give up feeling, truly feeling when we reach a certain age. If you are very unhappy and are unable to overcome this by yourself you might want to try a professional to help you find what will work for you. I am very sorry for your loss, and I send you love and peace so your mind will be calm and your heart will be. May you find your peace and comfort. Respectfully submitted - Jamie
2006-10-21 23:11:54 · answer #3 · answered by burnurcomputer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm Sorry about the loss of your mom. I cannot imagine the pain & confusion you are going through.
I don't really think anyone can tell you how to grieve. We all grieve in our own way, in our own time. Work can help & at least put your mind on something else for a little while.
I don't want to tell you that it gets easier with time, because again, only you can decide that. Think about happy times, not the fights. You will drive yourself crazy if you dwell on the fights & the things you should have said or done.
If you have things you feel were left unsaid between you, you can still talk to her & tell her what you feel.
My husband lost his father to alzheimers. The following year he lost his younger brother to a brain tumor. He delt with it differently than I did & differently than my brother did, who was his brothers best friend since the 1st grade.
Just remember, don't jump into anything, take your own time for everything. You said you can't cry, but that does not mean you aren't sad & it does not mean that you won't cry.
Anyway, ONE DAY AT A TIME... Do NOT try to fight your feelings, ANY OF THEM!!!
Best of Luck to you.... Again, I am sorry for your loss.....
2006-10-21 23:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been a while since your mother's passing, so I suggest busying yourself to take your mind off of it. As the person before me said, people grieve in their own way, so just do what feels right. You say you can't cry, but crying is actually good for you. It helps get rid of the hormones that make you stressed or sad. So don't hold back on that...
2006-10-21 23:03:05 · answer #5 · answered by forever_dancing0326 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother is going through a similar experience but it is with her father who is slowly dying at the age of 93. Maybe what I told her would help you... for what it is worth.
The problem is not in the head but in the heart. You need to go to the source where the relationship was good that then started to go bad. For her, it took 14 months to find it BUT she did and so can you. The next step for her was to have a peridym shift meaning for her that she needed to move away from the only place she knew as home and go somewhere totally foreign... so she went to the South! (yes, I live in the south (US) and its a wild place down here)and restart for life with a simple a life as possible. That took a year to convince her of that BUT she did and so can you. Then the year went by quickly where she was able to start over, get a fresh start... and the move did that for her. Now she moved back with her sister and for the first time in 40 years her 2 brothers, her sister, herself, and their father talked in the same room... THAT was truely remarkable and do you know what started all of it? LOVE. It truely mends all things. If you are true to love in its purest form, you can't fail.
Hope that helps...
:)
T
2006-10-21 23:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by West F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ITs very painful when your mom passes on,no matter how old we are .I have a son and we argue most of the time,he is an adult now but we still argue ,I knows that his loves me as your mom knew that you loved her.There is a connection between a mother and her child and when she passes on a part of you goes with her and that why its hurts so much,but give it time and you will heal.God Bless.
2006-10-21 23:17:37 · answer #7 · answered by nellie m 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, that's a tough one but i'll give it a try seeing as i went through it myself some time ago with my dad. It;s uncanny the resemblence with with our situations. my dad and i argued like crazy. i said many things i wished i did not say. now i cant take them back.for a long time i hated myself for that, but listen. when you are in the heat of an argument bad things will be said on both sides. dont blame yourself for being human.you need to be able to laugh, thats what helped me. and when you do laugh, and i believe you eventually will, dont feel guilty about it, like you are doing something wrong because you are not. it is said that a child is a reflection of their parents. you sound like a good, genuine person, and that tells me your mom was also.this is an issue you never get over. you just gradually learn to live with it. but on the bright side of things your mom still lives in your heart, through you. just try to think of the good times, laugh, and that should see you through as it did me. i,m so sorry for your loss. now try to get on with your life, be happy like i,m sure your mom would want you too. i hope this helps.
2006-10-21 23:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by marsh_fellow33 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems what troubles you might not be your mother passing away, but the fact that you didn't make peace with her before she passed away.
1. Do you feel guilty that you might have not made peace with her?
2. Do you feel guilty that you didn't connect with her emotionally?
3. Do you wish that you weren't rebellious at times?
I think the reason you find comfort in work is because it helps you to get away from your emotions, therefore you don't have to face it and deal with it. It is human nature to want to hide from our problems and emotions. But every once in a while it really helps to be a hero and have courage to face the scary darkness.
I'm sorry this is diffcult. I hope you will feel better soon.
2006-10-21 23:07:02 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My condolences on your loss.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You will come through it in your own way and in your own time. The only advice I have is to talk through it when things get to be more than you can handle, either with one of your siblings or a professional if you think it's necessary.
2006-10-21 23:02:27 · answer #10 · answered by Perk1973 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋