I am ashamed to say that I committed adultery as a Christian. Don't start judging me please. I have one question for you.
I fell in love with the man that I committed adultery with for 3 years. I moved in with him 2 of these years. My husband never demanded a divorce. He did file for one. Then I filed. We went to court once and that is all. He still has the final papers to sign. He won't tell me if he wants the divorce or not. He moved to another state with my daughter who is ll. I followed to be near her. To share custody. I gave up my love for the other man. But he still calls and writes emails to me. We still love each other. However, if my husband will not sign the divorce papers final draft, does that mean I shouldn't get a divorce? Will God hold it against me if I want the divorce and not my husband--even though I am the one who committed adultery.???? Should I stay to save face and please God?
2006-10-21 15:49:55 · 21 answers · asked by lucy p 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I don't think he wants the divorce even though I lived with this other man 2 yrs. and he knows I love the other man. Do I have to stay to please God and to get into heaven?
2006-10-21 15:51:03 · update #1
We argued and didn't like each other for 23 yrs. We were never best friends. We used to go to church together...he quit. He is verbally and emotinally abusive....very neglectful ....I prayed and prayed and prayed....I let the devil intervene and shouldn;t have.....
I don't love my husband. I feel sorry for him. (road rage and anger management class and no friends and can't get along with anyone.....etc....)
2006-10-21 16:17:57 · update #2
I think he wants me back for fear of losing his 401K and half equity in the house next week.
Forgot to mention: He never wanted to sleep with me or make love. In the past 7 years, we barely kissed much less french kiss....and made love....5 times a year for 5 minutes....to his pleasure.
I went to counseling many times for years. Christian counseling. I was sexually abused and lived with an alcoholic. My husband lost his Dad at five and his older brother at eleven. We both came together with baggage. But I didn't bring abuse into the marriage. I brought love and attention but I didnt get it back. Long story.
I don't want to stay with him, but I feel sorry for him. He has trouble communicating and he reads ALL the time, sleeps ALL the time....I dont want to live like I have for 23 yrs. I am tired and stressed out and tired of having knots in my stomach from tension due to his temper. I am just wanting to be loved and touched and paid attention to.
2006-10-21 16:25:56 · update #3
Do I continue living with this controlling, obsessive compulsive husband for God's sake? I made a mistake at age 19....do I pay for it the rest of my life?? And if I am expected to....how??? My daughter knows how her Dad is....she has witnessed it.
I have done wrong. How do I right it?
2006-10-21 16:29:15 · update #4
God knows what is in your heart. Your actions that affected your marriage - and for that matter your husband's actions - do not determine your salvation. Your faith in Jesus alone will save you. God is not a vengeful God - and he is not asking you to suffer for your actions in order to get into heaven. Jesus did that for you.
2006-10-22 13:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by yah00geek 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your really confused. With all the wild and crazy advice I read, I don't see how you can come away with any true peace. That's what your looking for right? Let me tell you this. When Christ met the women at the well, he told her she had multiple husbands, right? This was due to her messing around too. So you have two husbands. Even though you are only legally married to one according to the state you live in. But we aim to please God not Calif, or Michigan, or Ohio. My advice to you is finalize your divorce, you don't need your husbands signature. Get a lawyer (yech) and get it done. Next go back to your current b/f and try to make it legal.This is for you more than anything else because this relationship is still in flux. Your a Christian so you know that all you need to do is ask for forgiveness and it will be forgiven. The problem is until you get a divorce you will continue to sin in Gods eyes. However, you did everything you could think of to make this divorce final, so my guess (and this is only a guess) in Gods eyes your divorced. Do me a favor though. Your lack of knowledge in the legal system has put your family in an odd circumstance, don't go after custody. They have done O.K. without you for 3 years, just let that go and start your life anew! To say go and sin no more is ridiculous, we're human, that's our nature. Just try harder and before you make anymore "BIG" decisions in life ask a qualified counselor not some of these yahoo's no pun intended.
2006-10-22 03:13:37 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God loves you and he wants you to be happy. We, as HUMANS, are flawed by nature. Mistakes are a valuable part of life and were woven into humanity from the days of the forbidden fruit. We ALL stumble at times. The key is what you do once you fall. You say you still love your husband. You know his self esteem and his personal weakness. Do you think he's staying because he thinks you're the best he can do OR is he staying because he's scared to move on? Do you think he simply loves you so much that you can walk all over him and rip out his heart and he'll hang in there like a little dog?????
I'm not judging you. You made a mistake. You realize it and you're trying to fix it in one way or another. As much as you love this other man, did he know you were married when your relationship began? What kind of an honorable and trust worthy man would knowingly take another man's wife as his own? Not only did this other guy take you as his own, he showed no regard for the importance of a solid family until for your daughter. what she has now is not solid. God only knows what kind of emotional hell she's going through and what personal issues this could lend cause to in the future.
What kind of a decent man would think it ok to have you living with him and still be married to a loving husband who doesn't really want a divorce? With the limited information that I have, I think your husband is a hell of a man. The two of you share a long history together. You have a daughter together; a daughter who needs a great example of family and unity so that she can have the same when she grows up. She must see by example. She's not getting what she needs to take into her own healthy relationships. You're setting the example that it's okay to promise God to love, Honor and cherish your husband and then up and change your mind and throw it all away. Aside from normal differences, has your husband ever been mean to you? Abusive? Has HE cheated? Maybe you should try to rebuild your marriage and try to renew your relationship with God. If the guy you cheated with has such a flimsy sense of right and wrong, his judgement skills could easily backfire on you and you could be the one getting cheated on. Your husband has been a rock. Recognize his sacrifice. Try to understand how much he's hurt through all of this and take him back. What goes around comes around. Often, when you give up a sure thing for the new exciting thing, you end up with nothing but regret, a broken heart, and closed doors that can never be reopened.
2006-10-21 16:14:14 · answer #3 · answered by Cindi Lou 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to say no. I married a divorced woman and that qualifies as adultery. We will have to give an account for the things done in the body.
No adulterer can inherit the kingdom of God, saved or unsaved. I am in torment over this. If a person commits adultery whether saved or unsaved, they become an adulterer. Its that simple. Adultery is the death sentence. Your best hope is that you weren't really a Christian to begin with. Seek God and seemed to be born again. If your heart undergoes a radical change and you become filled with Gods Spirit, you can know that you may have never really been saved. Dont doubt. Seek a new life in Christ regardless of adultery.
2015-02-16 22:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by Busy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a christian you should already know the answer to this. God says "I hate divorce" says the Lord God Mal 2:16..read the gospels where Jesus teaches about marriage and divorce. Mark 10:2 is an example of His teachings. You know that satan is the father of lies and is so powerful that he can convince you that have fallen inlove with another man. Not only do you have the sin of adultery on your shoulders but you have caused this other man to sin to. You need to pray and ask God to lead you. I can't tell you what God is leading you to do, but I can tell you what He isn't leading you to do and thats getting a divorce. If your husband is willing to take you back only through God can you make your marriage work. As to your question in the end about God holding it against your husband well I think so.
Read matthew 5:32 "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife(husband) except for marital unfaightfulness, causes her(him
) to become an adultress(adulter), and anyone who married the divorced woman(man) commits adultery
2006-10-21 16:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you realize that you did wrong, He will always forgive you. Just know what you did, apologize to your husband, and if he forgives you, then of course God will forgive you. For reassurance, just read the bible. It's probably okay to be friends with the other man, but keep it a friendly relationship. You can love many people, but there should only be one man to fill that special place, and that is your husband. You shouldn't get a divorce if you still love your husband. Try to solve this problem. Talk about it, and accept that you did wrong. Feeling sorry for yourself and your husband won't make it any better. Just re-assure be sure that he is the only man that could ever fill that special place in your heart.
This is just the opinion of a kid who thinks alot about relationships, and tries to help anyone and everyone out in them. I'm only thirteen, and if you think this was a stupid thought, you can blame it on my age.
p.s. 70x7.
2006-10-21 16:01:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know God will forgive you! All you need to do is ask and turn your life over to him. If you are a Christian you would try to work things out with your husband. I just feel as a Christian you make a mistake and seek forgiveness and pray for God to help you through and i believe you need to be much in prayer about it read your Bible and let God help you make the decision dont give up. God will help you through! God Bless!
2006-10-21 16:01:18 · answer #7 · answered by NOVA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you are confused about your religion and your own dignity.
The laws of God are to preserve your dignity and happiness, and not against them.
I don't know exactly what is in your heart, so I do not have any concrete advice for you.
Here are only some opinions for your consideration:
The purpose of religion in esbablishing a family is to secure happiness and progress of all its members. Your second love which breaks the family and causes unhappiness to your husband and especially for your daughter, is really a very bad thing. The effect on the life of your daughter in far greater that any man can imagine.
I think that you should accept even suffering and shame to seek first the forgiveness of your husband and daughter, and if they agree, you better return to compensate their sufferings.
As for God, I believe that He forgives all people who sincerely repent.
Pray for the happiness of three of you: your daughter, you and your husband.
2006-10-21 16:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want you to know that as soon as I read that I didn't judge you, I felt sorry for you, understand that I'm being sympathetic. Ok I don't believe that God will hate you or not forgive you for getting a divorce, my grandpa got a divorce when he was younger and my mom must have been happy because she hated her mom, and I'm not exactly sure why they got a divorce but I know that my grandpa has changed and I believe that he has been forgiven and he will go to heaven. And the bible says "I will never leave you or forsake you"
2006-10-21 16:07:24 · answer #9 · answered by SaLeMiZmE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God forgives a repentant heart. Are you repentant... not just sorry? To repent means to turn around and go the other way, never to return again to the sin.
It sounds to me like you are regretting your foolish 'love affair'... realizing as you mature that there is more to love than a moment of lust, even if it lasted 2 years. You seem to have a real gem of a husband if he is 'waiting' for you so to speak... Get your heart right with God. He is waiting for you to come to Him. Then go back to your husband, ask his forgiveness, go for counseling, and get back to where you belong... with God and with your husband and daughter.
2006-10-21 15:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by rejoiceinthelord 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to bring back your first love. Your first love for Jesus and the first love you have for your husband. Unless your husband was abusive , I would definitely try to reconcile with him for the sake of your child. This can be achieved through Christian counseling. We have to take our vows seriously, for better , for worst , for richer , for poorer, in sickness and in health. These promises were made before God once. He will definitely forgive He wants you to do the right thing , and I believe that the Lord will bless your marriage like it has never been blessed before. My prayers will be with you God bless
2006-10-21 15:58:58 · answer #11 · answered by ckrug 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋