My sister, is one of the people i love most in this world, and when I found out about what had happened to her, it made me want to thow-up it was so disturbing. Our father, I thought wa the best dad ever, I was the youngest, so I never saw what was going on right under my nose. It wasn't untill 4 years later that I was finally let in on the reason my parents split up. Aparently my father had sexually abused my older sister, form the age of 5 to 15. He not only molested her, but raped, and several other things, that i can't even type. It makes soo sick to know that she had to go through all of that pain and misery, for 10 years. what kind of childhood is that? it's not one, it's a living nightmare. the worst part was that she thought it was her fault, thats the part that really makes me want to cry. I hate him sooo much,its scary,i mean he;s a monster, and this very monster didn't even get put on probation. So please tell me what should I do,hate him for the rest of my life,or forgive?
2006-10-21 15:39:58 · 12 answers · asked by Acceptable 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh my gosh..I am so sorry that happened to your sister...I can't believe your father would do such a horrible thing for 10 years..! Although it's hard to forgive him maybe you should try..If you really seriously can't then just forget about the whole thing and move on...Tell your sister it's not her fault..It's your father's fault people like your dad are the people who make things harder for children who are scared to death by their sexually abusive parents..It's totally wrong having a child and then molesting it at the beginning age of 5...I don't know why your father would do such things, but he has to have a reason because everyone has a reason to doing something stupid...Your sister was scarred for life because of your dad and I myself wouldn't be able to do anything in my life if that happened to me..Your sister is strong because she is now a woman that is capable of turning your father in for all the horrible things he did to her as a child...
2006-10-21 15:49:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why he isn't in jail. You didn't explain how he got off! But no, you can't hate him the rest of your life. I would certainly avoid him, though. You can never trust him around your own children, you know, so they shouldn't meet their grandfather. If he has expressed remorse, you can try to forgive him, but not forget, and not have any contact with him. If he hasn't even said he was sorry, then you can't forgive him, either. But you can put this aside and concentrate on helping your sister overcome her terrible ordeal. Give her all the love and devotion you would have given to your father, had he been a descent man. You must understand that he is also a very sick, sick man. He needs psychiatric help or he will molest another child someday. You can't help him. He has to help himself. Stay away from him. You do know this ruined your mother's happy marriage, too. Poor sister, poor mom, and poor you. But it's not anyone's fault but your father's.
2006-10-21 15:47:47 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No that is no kind of a childhood, and your sister should if she has not seek out some counseling. your father not going to jail, is unfortunately not uncommon. In the majority of cases the perpetrators of such crimes do not spend one minute in jail. Just because you forgive him does not mean you have to have a relationship with him. However, if you can find it in your heart to forgive him you can then begin to heal and so can your sister. I know this sounds very crazy, however, forgiveness does lead to personal healing. Ask God to help you to forgive him and your forgiveness can remain between you and God. I am speaking from my own personal experience. The pain never really went away for me, until my perpetrator died. I did however heal and begin to move forward with my life after I decided to forgive and let go of all of the anger. The anger will literally eat you up in side. After you forgive, it gives all of the pain back to him. I wish you and your sister the best of luck and I pray for some healing. Please seek some counseling there is a tremendous amount of anger and frustration and guilt that comes along with a situation like this. And you do not deserve to live your life with all of that, you did not ask for it and neither did your sister. She did not and could not have done anything to prevent this from happening. God bless you.
2006-10-21 15:50:29 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive me for saying this about Ur father but he was a monster. It's hard enough to forgive, but it's doubly hard to forgive someone for doing something so sick like what he did to Ur sister.
In order for u to have peace in yourself and ur life u can forgive him( but that doesn't mean u have to have anything to do with him) keep away from him, keep Ur kids away from him and don't feel bad about it either.
He's the one who's gonna suffer more. What he did was sick he knows it and knew it then which is why he did it to a helpless 5 yr old child( he should burn in hell)
Whenever I heard of something like this it makes me so mad that I wish nothing them to suffer for putting someone through this.
It wasn't her fault he was the adult and he knew better, I hope if she has kids she does not allow her kids around him.
Have u taken ur sister to get help in trying to deal with this so she can move on( she shouldn't be the one suffering) and neither should u.
I'm glad Ur mom had the courage to leave( some moms don't because they're either too scared and feel they can't make it because the father is the breadwinner)
If he's still alive u and Ur sister shouldn't go around him ( even if he sick) stay away from him, and if others tell u Ur wrong don't let it get to ya because u and Ur sister know why Ur staying away and it's none of they're business.
God Bless U and ur sister
Help each other to deal with this
2006-10-21 15:55:50 · answer #4 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do in this situation. Be supportive of your sister, and if I may add, apologize to her for not seeing it when it was happening. It ain't much, and I know it wasn't in any way your fault, but it will be a small way for her to know you love her and regret what happened and are now in her corner.
Keep any relatives away from him. He is no longer a member of your family. Especially warn others away from him. You don't want to find out at a later time you could have saved another victim by simply speaking out when you saw someone entering a danger area and said nothing. He deserves no mercy or pity.
What he did deserves nothing from you in the way of forgiveness. But you cannot dwell on it. What's done is done. I hope your sis is getting counseling. It could really mess up her life if she isn't.
Best wishes
2006-10-21 15:58:13 · answer #5 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgiveness is not an option and you never forget just what a sick bastard he was and the lives he ruined. any good things he ever did in his life are voided because of his heinous and selfish acts ...he is not and never was a father nor dad, he is a monster. forgiveness is difficult and i think impossible in this situation but hatred will only hurt you and your family more, try to turn that hatred into something positive for you all and divorce him from the family. the fact that your 'father' did not pay for his crimes is a blow to your sister once again, she not only gets used and abused by him but by the judicial system as well...what a horrific thing to happen to her. personally i believe there will be a special place in hell for scumbags like him and that one day your sister and your family will get the justice they deserve. i know its got to be difficult for you too to hear me say such things about the man you viewed as a father, but in reality he wasn't he used your sister but he used you, your siblings and your mother as well...he is not a man.
2006-10-21 15:47:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that its hard to forgive someone you really trusted
but believe me you can . I should know because i was sexually
abused when i was very small also. and for a long time there all i wanted to do was die and that was because of the guilt i also felt it was my fault. so for a long, long time i hate him for what he had done to me . But then some wonderful happened i found the Lord and he help me see that we can forgive and he took all that guilt i had been dealing with for many years and made it disappear and he set me free by showing me his love and his grace and just how much he loves me
he can do that for you and your sister just as he did with me
always remember that he love you , and if you ask him to help he will .
2006-10-21 16:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by jan d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To err is human to forgive is divine.
That's sad. To forgive is one thing. But to seek justice is another. In fairness to your sister, in my opinion, she should seek legal advice irregardless of who's the sex predator is, be his father or neighbor or any person . I believed that the reason the bad guys were able to get away with their crime is because the good guys refuse to take action against the offenders. Bring your case to the authorities and let them lay charges against your father since she is still a minor. Let justice prevail and reward the wicked according to their works.
2006-10-21 15:59:17 · answer #8 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats so hard. im truely sorry for you and your sister, but im afraid there is nothing you can do except move on and try to let it go. it doesnt nessesarily mean u have to forgive him... just dont make it somthing you have to think about and get mad about everyday of your life. i wish you good luck in the years to come and the persuance of possibly putting your father in jail or somthing, if it will help put your mind to rest. god bless. <3
2006-10-21 15:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by ashesanne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already answered that you said you hate him. You do not have to forgive anyone to live your life. Your poor sister and yes I know its your DAD but you are not obligated to forgive anyone for anything. I think you need to get counseling. You really need to speak with someone who can handle your problems. Good luck!
2006-10-21 15:43:15 · answer #10 · answered by sandiiiiii 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋