My sister died two months ago..?

Question

and people keep telling me she's in a better place, etc. How do they know? Maybe she's just a body in the earth. Secondly, my wife's family keeps telling me to get over it.

Answer 1

If I were you I would forbid the inlaws from being around if they are being so stupid about your grieving. Your wife needs to slap her family up a wall until they respect you. Take your time and try to think of your sister believed would happen if she died. If she had faith then she is fine.

Answer 2

I am sorry for your loss. I was VERY close to my brother when he died 2 yrs ago. It took 6 months just to start coming to terms with it. But I did. It gets easier with time. You ought to ask your wifes family how they would feel in your situation. If the they were to just "get over it" then there must not be alot of love in that family. You never "get over" the loss of a loved one. You only learn to deal with it better. As far as being in a better place. I like thinking that my brother is. Me and both my brothers had actually discussed something about that a couple years before he died. He believed that when one person breathed their last breath, there was a brand new baby breathing his first. I like to think that he is somewhere other than being "just a body in the earth". Just know it DOES get easier over time. Don't stop talking about your sister. Remember the good times she had. It does help.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a sister so I think I can somewhat understand what you may be feeling. (I hate when someone says, "I know just how you feel"--they don't!)

First of all, people say things like that because they don't know what else to say. (Sometimes it would be better if they said nothing.) We all would like to believe that we are going to a better place and that we will see our loved ones again when we get there. Sometimes this faith is all we have to hang on to.

Telling someone to "get over it" is heartless and cruel. This usually comes from people who either have not been through a similar situation or have trouble expressing their emotions. Trust me, it will get easier as time goes on, but your sister will always be in your heart. There might even be times when you feel she is right there with you.

Everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way. We all bring our own beliefs and experiences to any situation, and this is particularly true when it comes to losing someone we love. Maybe your wife could tell her family that, although she is sure they mean well, their words are hurting you at a particularly difficult time.

Answer 4

Well, you do need to try to work your way through it, but it's unfair of her family to say it in such a rude way. It will be a long and complicated process, but if you have friends and family to support you then you will be able to make it through. I don't think anyone really knows what happens when people pass on. I personally think that while her body may be in the ground, she's in heaven watching you and simply wishing she could talk to you. If she was a good person and had faith, she will be in heaven watching you. Pray for her, and see if you get an answer back. I wish you the best, even though you've probably heard that so many times now that you don't think it even means anything anymore. But it does mean something. I'm sorry that I can't help you more.

Amelia

Answer 5

I'm really sorry to hear that your sister died. I also had a brother and sister die and I think it's the hardest thing other than losing a parent is losing a brother or sister Yes, it is comforting to know that they are in a better place but you can't help to want them here with us and alive. It's wrong for your wife's family to tell you to get over it they aren't the one that grew up and has the memories with your sister. You are! Your wife's family needs to be more understanding and step back and allow you the to grieve over your sister. Two months just isn't enough time. My deepest symphony goes out to you.

Answer 6

My husband died six years ago and I'm not "over it". If you lose someone you love to death it is not something you "get over" like having your car totaled. She was a real human being and you loved her very much. How does her death ever become unimportant? Obviously never.
That doesn't mean that you never go on with your life, or are happy again, or think of other things, or love other people. That means that you just remember her, and honor her memory, and think about the things you did together. Some days you don't think of her but others you do. That's when you remember that you loved her and that love will never die as long as you're alive.
I would never tell you where she is now because I didn't know her and I can't say what her relationship with God was. That is something that is known only to God. The only thing I know is that God is not capricious or vengeful. He is just and fair and He will give people the desires of their heart.

Answer 7

I am very sorry for your loss. Dealing with the death of a loved one is very hard, my mother died in April of 2003 and I still haven't completely gotten over her death. Everyone deals with grief in their own way and it's just cruel for your wife's family to tell you to just get over it. Time does eventually heal the hurt, but I've found that when you lose someone close to you the grief grows less as time goes by. Some people say that the loved one is in a better place because that is their way of coping. I believe that my mothers spirit is in a beautiful place waiting for her next life, which helps me when I feel down. Regardless, a person needs the time to grieve and to adjust to such a tragic loss. Maybe you can contact a grief counselor to help you if the need arises. Again, I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry about your sister. I lost my brother...Viet Nam...over 38 years ago. I'm still not "over it" ... To think He was in a better place afterwords was a lot easier, because I hear Viet Nam was a living Hell. You will never stop thinking about your sister and you shouldn't...sadly, the times you do will be fewer as time goes on. If your sister had some horrible and painful illness, then some people feel their statements will be a little more helpful to you in the grief process. I think the only peace you can make with your horrible loss, is to connect with your own spirituality. Everyone has some type of their own belief of possible life hereafter. Let your thoughts connect in a way that's comfortable for you. Lean on your closest family or friends, because they join you in your despair over her loss. Find inner peace, and again, I'm also sorry for your loss. Best Wishes to you in this difficult time.

Answer 9

It is human nature (well more like courtesy )to try to give words of of condolence -to acknowledge your loss. Saying she is in a better place means that she was a good person from what they knew of her and that there belief system states she will be in a place better suited to her goodness. as for your grieving,it will last a long time and people who are afraid of death or worry what cost it will have on you will tell you to "Get over it" Its the best they can do with what they have to offer. Many cultures are ill equipped to deal with death and the living are left to flounder and try to make there own way through it.If you feel you need help then go to a grief counselor,they can help better then most. Take care of your self and your family.

Answer 10

My brother died almost 10 years ago. People mean well when they say things like "she's in a better place" but truth be told nothing can be said to ease the pain of losing a sibling. You not only lose them you lose a piece of who you are. You are forever changed. When my brother died I also felt the loss of my parents. My parents were grieving the loss of one of their children and they couldn't do much to console the siblings left behind. I was made to feel like I had to be strong for my parents, not cry in front of them. It was almost as if I was not allowed to grieve. People would say "you need step in to fill the gap your brother left behind." This is impossible, no one can take anothers place. Those who say "move on" do so for to reasons 1) They never experienced that kind of loss and can not comprehend it. 2) They are uncomfotable with your feelings and want you to move on so they can feel more comfortable. They are not being fair to you. There is no time line on greiving. You have good and bad days. It gets a little less painful as time goes but the hurt never completely leaves you. You will smile and enjoy life again but on your own time. Some funeral homes have a list of bereavment groups in your area. I know it may seem goofy but meeting with others who have or are experiencing similar grief can help. Give yourself time through grieving especially around holidays and birthdays as those can be the toughest. Honor your sisters memory in small ways. Plant a tree in here memory at a park. Make a donation in her name to a group she would have wanted to be involved in. Keep here alive in your heart. I hope you can find some peace.

Answer 11

There is never a time that you get over a loss of someone you love to death. They live in your mind heart and soul forever. The fact that your wife's family is so cold hearted and un feeling towards your loss is an indication that they have no heart or re totally de sensitized to others suffering, In my experiences with loss of loved ones I have to believe that they do go to another place that is without suffering. I saw my grandfather after he passed . He actually came to my room that night glowing bright white and said his good byes,, They will and always be with us. I'm am so very sorry about your loss... Angel