In addition to my first question re being undermine as a parent by my partner.?

Question

(Can anyone advice on how to parent a child when the other parent keep undermining what you have said?)

When ever I tell my 3 year old son not to do something, my partner will often challenge me infront of my son. I have spoke to him about this but it only seems to make matters worst. It has reached the point now where I feel that I should not say anything. I expecting a baby in the next 3 weeks and feel that if I am having problems (being undermind and not backed up) with one child- it will be even worst with another. I am beginning to feel that my son hates me as I am seen as the 'kill joy'.

Before we deceided to have children- we discussed how we would bring them up etc. I have spoken to him about him undermining many times. The last discussion we had he agreed that he would not get invloved and would leave me to get on with it- however he continues....

Answer 1

This has probably happened to every parent, but not all the time. Do you think you might be hard on your child. Sometimes I am.

Say we go the park. I'm like "Dont run too fast" or "Get down, your gonna get hurt" or "Get up, stop rolling on the grass".

Dad says "they're ok". Then shouts "Go on son, see if you can climb to the top" I AM HAVING KITTENS.

What have they gone the park for?? I'm just looking out for them, but they need to play(and fall).

You NEED to have a talk. Make some scenarios, like: What do you think we should do if child does this? What kind of discipline do we use if this happens? Discuss, decide, and STICK TOGETHER or the kids will walk all over you.

I'm very lucky, touch wood, up to now, my children are very good. Aged 7 and 8. (I just hope I can say the same when they are teenagers). I dont hit them. I've always talked, explained things to them. If they fall out with someone I say "How would you feel if that was you".

Its so hard and YOU NEVER STOP LEARNING

I've always taught my children to share. I remember one time I met a freind for coffee and brought my daughter with me. (My little boy was at home with dad). My freind bought her sweets and a drink. My four year old girl said "What about some for my brother?". I was embarrassed and proud at the same time!

They're good kids, but sometimes, kids take advantage of their good nature. When they started nursery, other kids would snatch toys off them and my kids would let them. (I'd always told them to share, right). It is so hard.

Have a good talk. Good Luck. I hope you can work it out. You cant let this carry on though.

Answer 2

that is a very bad situation. Both parents have to be on the same page with discipline and such. A united front has to be conveyed to the child at all times. My husband and i never argue about punishments or rules in front of the kids. Once one of us has made a decision there is no going back no matter how wrong the other parent feels about it. You need to tell him how upset you are about this and how it may be causing problems in your relationship. Make sure you let him know right away when he's done it to you. Don't wait to long or he may think it's not such a abig deal since you waited days to talk to him about it. If that doesn't work you could give him a taste of his own medicine. Show him how it feels to have your son see him as the kill joy.

Answer 3

that should never happen,you need to have a serious talk,especially as your about to have another child at any minute,yr 3 year old will start playing up anyway when the new baby comes along,and will end up playing 1 off against the other get it sorted asap both parents need to stand firm with there children don't let that child see that he/she can run to another if not getting his/her own way "show yr partner the answers you got on here "then he might see the light good luck with yr new arrival

Answer 4

My advice is to to talk to your partner again. If he wont change I hate to say this you should get a new partner. Because, in the long run this will affect the child. Do you want to be responsible for your child not having a stable upbringing. This undermining confuses children especially as they get older. Kids need consistency.

Answer 5

Difficult problem. It sounds like he needs to be constantly reminded on his wrong doing. Perhaps you could show him these answers to your question. You need to tell him that it is having an effect on how your son sees you, and how he will possibly treat women in the future. You are on the right track, and hopefully your partner will try a little harder in respecting your parenting skills.I have seen this in other couples (friends of mine) Very sad for the mother and the child. I hope things improve for you.

Answer 6

Yes, I understand, you must try and talk yet again to your partner, children will test you, to see which one will give in, so you need a united front, and this problem can easily be sorted, but unfortunately for you, the problem is with your partner and not your child, I wish you luck on this one!

Answer 7

Sounds like your hubby is immature and needs to grow up. He also sounds abusive and controlling. My advice is to stand your ground and tell him once and for all that
either he knocks it off or your and the kids are outta there. Then if he does it again.. leave him. If he is trying
to be his son's best bud it will back fire on him down the
road.

Answer 8

tell him you both made this baby there for your decisions should be joint! he should be working with you not saying the opposite. tell him you don`t want to be the bad parent in your sons eye`s, but if you are telling him no you expect your partner to say the same. if your partner is telling your son off stay out of it and vice versa. you both need to tell him off and you both need to spend quality time with him otherwise he will know what buttons to push for what parent, tell your partner he is making it harder for you by working against you. go see a health visitor they will be able to give you tasks and pointers to get your partner to work with you i hope this helps and good luck with baby number two congratulations

Answer 9

i might ditch the seating association, it incredibly is a beating. in simple terms enable them to (and each physique else) take a seat the place they choose. different than for the table for the marriage occasion. in case you choose seating association, positioned them at diverse tables - what else might you do? while you're unsure who to place closest, it would pass so as of who's helping ($$) out maximum.

Answer 10

oh thats a hard one, he definately should not be doing that, i would have another word with him, i know when my husband has done theis it makes me mad, maybe you should speak to one of his friends and get him to say something, maybe coming from someone outwith the family might help...........oh and putting on the tears and telling him he is making you feel awful might help!