Deceased parents and my wedding. Please read.........?

Question

I am getting married next summer and sadly, both my parents passed away in 2005, (dad in March, mom in September). I want to honor their memory at the ceremony but I don't want their pictures up because that would bring more emotion to an already emotional day and I don't want anyone to get up and speak about them for the same reason. What do you think would be a unique way to honor their memories that wouldn't be "in your face"? Also, since both of them are gone now, do you think that it is appropriate for my fiance's little boy, who is 4, to be my escort down the aisle as a way to say we are now a family together? That is what we're planning on doing because there really isn't anybody else that I want to do that. And I don't want to walk down the aisle by myself. Any answers would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

Congratulations on your wedding. I think having your new son walk you down the aisle is the best idea I have heard in a long time. I think it would be just beautiful. A joining of a family, what is more perfect. I had a friend who just got married, she had girls who served as her bridesmaids. The groom had girls who stood as his groomsmen. The bride's son walked her down the aisle. So, both families were the wedding party, and the preacher had included the joining of the families in the cermoney. It was great.

Some wedding companies offer "memorial candles" you could have 1 or 2 for your parents. I am so sorry that they won't be there in person for your most happy day. I am sure they will be there in spirit. Another friend had lost her father, and she had a memorial candle for him. She had a small table decorated with flowers and a beautiful table cloth, and it was set to the side when coming into the church. It was very nice. He was a singer,so she walked down the aisle to him singing "Love me tender". You don't have to over do their memorial. everyone that knows and loves you will know; that you are grieving that they couldn't be there with you. So, a small table dedicated to them would be perfect for you. A cousin had lost her Mother, and she had her Mother's favorite song played, but she broke down, so I don't recommend that, because your Mom and Dad want you happy that day, they wouldn't want you so upset about your lose that it ruins your day. I am a parent, and if I wasn't here for my kids weddings, I would rather they put aside the fact I wasn't with them if it was going to upset and ruin their wedding days.

Sweetie, they know you loved them. Everyone knows that to. You do what you think you can handle, and that's going to be perfect. Again, I think having your new son walking you down the aisle is perfect! What a honor for both of you, what a great way to start your new family. Have the most happiest of wedding days, your parents would want that!

God bless us all............

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. That can be really tough. Here are a few ideas. I lost my mom 2 months before my wedding. She used to write poetry for my dad. They were high school sweet hearts anyway she wrote a love poem that we used as our vows. I read half then my husband read half. Then also my husbands brother had passed away and we wanted to honor him as well. His favorite book was The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. We then had mentioned in the wedding program why we chose both of those.So we had someone read that. The fun thing about weddings is that you can really do whatever you want. Did your mom have a favorite flower? You can put those all around the church. Do you have anything special that reminds you about them a saying, a song, a story? You could also write your own about their love and how you vow to share the same with your future husband. Now as far as your fiance's son walking you down the isle. I am not sure I agree with that one. But if that would mean a lot to you then do that. It's a unique way to have him part of the wedding. Do you have a brother or Uncle or even a friend that means a lot to you? They could also walk you down the isle.

Answer 3

First off, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Secondly, congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I think the idea of your future step-son walking you down the aisle is an amazingly, wonderful idea! I LOVE IT!! Don't let anybody talk you out of it. It's you and your fiance's wedding, so go for it! There probably won't be a dry eye in the church! As for your parents, you could put candles on the altar for them and put a notation in your program that they have passed away and that the candles and the ceremony are dedicated to their memory. I knew a woman who lost her mother not long before her wedding. She had guests write notes to her mother. The notes were then attached to balloons and at the end of the ceremony, all the balloons were released. The idea was that the messages would be reached by the woman's mother in Heaven. Do you have any jewelry that your parents owned? Could you wear a pin, necklace, bracelet, etc that your mother wore? And maybe a chain, watch, or even a key chain that your father liked? Maybe your fiance could wear or just carry that in his pocket. Whatever you do, enjoy your day and know that, like the song says, your parents are watching you thru the 'Holes In The Floor Of Heaven.

Answer 4

Oh, I'm so sad that you lost your parents, and so close together, too.... My dad had passed away two years before I got married, and my mom died a few years later.
I understand that you want to honour their memory, but there really isn't a great way to do that. Of course, they will be in your heart, and your family and friends will be thinking of them, too. The best place to mention them would be when you respond to the toast to the bride, when you have a chance to do your thank yous. Don't worry about being emotional - just speak from the heart.
About going down the aisle, no it really isn't a good idea for your fiance's son to do that. He's just the right age for a ring bearer, though.
I didn't want to walk down the aisle alone, either, and my mom wouldn't do it. It was unusual, but my husband and I walked in together, and it turned out really nicely. Before us, the bridesmaids and groomsmen also walked in as couples, and that also solved the problem of bridesmaids feeling self-conscious about walking down alone.
Good luck to you, and Happy Wedding!

Answer 5

A great way to honor deceased parents, or even grandparents, at a wedding is to leave a seat open where they would have sat. So, leave two seats open where your parents would sit, and maybe put a small mother's bouquet down for your mother and a corsage down for your father.

As for your fiance's son walking you down the aisle...the significance of that action is that man giving you away. His son isn't giving you away, but taking you into the family, so I think that would be a conflict of interest. If you don't have a close friend or family member that you want to walk you down the aisle, then the best way to do it is by yourself.

Answer 6

First, I am so sorry for your loss. And I agree that including a line in the program is the right way to publicly honor their memory.

But as something a bit more personal, I had another idea. I'm not sure you could do this without bursting into tears (I'm not sure I could, under the same circumstances), but is there some way you could wear something of your mother's during the ceremony, and have your fiance wear something of your father's? It could be a watch, a bracelet, a pendant, you get the idea. It could be something your fiance keeps in the pocket of his tuxedo -- if your dad had a favorite pocketknife or keychain or something.

But the idea is that if you have some special object that reminds you of each of your parents, you and your fiance could have them with you as you walk down the aisle.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I think the best way to honor your parents is in the program. I've seen it done many times. Just a note dedicating the ceremony to the memory of your parents. All the guests will see it, and you'll be spared the emotional reaction you're sure to have if you were to see it on your happy day.

I think walking down the aisle with your finance's son is a charming and touching idea. It may not be conventional, but I think the symbolism is deeply significant. I know it would bring a tear to my eye if I were to see that.

Best wishes and God bless.

Answer 8

It's a great idea to have your fiancee's son walk you down the aisle, it's one of the best ideas I've heard for that type of situation. My brother died a few years ago and at my wedding I plan on placing a rose where he would've been seated, next to my mother. In the program I'm having a little note at the bottom just letting everyone know that he died and I'm honoring him in that way. I also plan to have a little scrap of one of his shirts tied into the ribbon on my bouquet, perhaps you could do that with a small scrap of your parent's clothing. I hope your wedding is beautiful and you are able to celebrate such a special day while still honoring those you love who are gone.

Answer 9

First off, it think the little boy walking you down the aisle is an amazing idea. Secondly, I would suggest finding a personal gesture for including your parents. Something only you might know is sentimental. Do you know what their wedding song was? if so have that as your first dance. If not maybe there was a song that your parents really liked and request that. Maybe serve their favorite food at the reception. it won't be obvious to the guests but it will mean something to you.

Answer 10

I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you a happy marriage.

My cousin wore a hat like my grandfather used to wear at his wedding. Our grandparents passed a way a few years ago.

Were your parents known for certain characteristics that you could include in the itinerary? IE: Was your Dad known for liking dark chocolate or your Mom for liking a certain animal? Did they have a favorite dish or a song? Could you include things like that in your plan?

It is wonderful that you have the kind of rapport with your future son that you would want him to be the one to walk you down the aisle and if that is what you want then go for it. However, you are asking our opinions and mine is that it should be someone from your side of the family that walks you down the aisle. I'd have your future step son be one of the best men and maybe mention how delighted you are that you will be his new mother. Call me traditional, but that is my gut feeling.