how can I get a 14 year old to talk to me about his problems? I am his Mum, I want to help him stay in school?

Question

He may have very mild Aspergers type problem

Answer 1

Just let him know that you are there for him and that he can tell you anything and you will still be there no matter what. Express how much you love him and how much he means to you. Explain to him that you want him to be independent and self sufficent when he grows up so that he will not have to depend on anyone but himself and the foundation for that is getting a good job. Explain to him that you and his father want always be there for him and he will have to take responsibilty for his own life. Let him know that you will be there for him in school in every way that you possibly can. If there is something that he doesnt understand you will help him or find someone who can. Tell him you know right now that he may be fusturated with school and just want to quit but when he looks back after he has graduated he will be happy that he stuck it out because it will have paid off in the long run for him.

Answer 2

I think you need to take him to see a doctor as its not that he doesnt want to talk to you its that if he has mild Aspergers then they have deficiences in social skills and difficulties in transition. As a 14 year old boy, life is changing very much so he may be finding this situation very difficult and may need to speak to a professional body rather then his mom.
Please make sure that he is not being bullied in school and make sure he has friends by inviting them over and to play in the house or go out to the movies or something like that. Youll know if hes being bullied as he wont have a large group of friends.
Children with Aspergers may be slightly eccentric and also often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. I think you need to go get him diagnosed by a doctor to confirm.
Is he particularily interested in History, cars, trains, astronomy? This is a sign of Aspergers and an issue that needs to be addressed as a high level of interest may not leave room for other age appropiate common interests.
I hope this helps and you know that its not you once you are there to support him 110%

Answer 3

By "may" do you mean not diagnosed but clutching a straws? Or do you really believe this is an undiagnosed medical condition?
Sorry to be cruel, but it may make a heck of a difference in the school if you can prove behaviour due to diagnosed medical condition.

Child is male - in which case talking to mother may be more difficult, is father available? Asperger child more often than not very loving but with communication difficulties.

Talk to school if they are trying to exclude him parental involvement very help full. They may also have some idea why he has problems at school. When you know probs easier to tackle.

It's a minefield. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Praise him. Totally positive environment, all the time. Pick up on everything he does that is right and good. Keep enforcing all the good things he does. If he draws, for example, find value and interest in his efforts, and make sure he has enough paper to use at all times, if you possibly can. Take him with you to an art museum or a science museum and try to uncover his natural interests. See if he is interested in looking at the stars and understanding clouds and weather. See if he loves music, and if so, what kind is his favourite? Does he like to travel with you? Make him feel safe. Brings him your love and put it at his feet so he knows he is being cared for and valued for the unique and special human being he truly is. Find out if he likes a certain kind of food best and treat him by going there after you visit the museum or science exhibits. Has he ever been to a zoo with live animals? You may be treating a future veterinarian or research scientist, or someone who loves to study the migration patterns and habits of flocks of rare birds. There are tests which can be administered to him, which will reveal his true abilities and aptitudes. He might be a budding archeologist. Find out if he needs special attention at school, and make sure he has glasses if he can't see properly. That could make all the difference in the world. Sent to you with all the love in the world from Chris, in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old, and know how responsive children are if the love and attention they are being shown is sincere and from the heart.)

Answer 5

You cannot have a meaningful discussion with a 14 year old. Evolution has programmed teenagers to be horrible to their parents so that they get thrown out of the nest and make their way in the world. Unfortunately, society today needs our children to stay at home and in full time education until they are at least 16 or 17 and possibly until they are 22 or 23. So their evolutionary programming is not synchronised with their educational and social needs. Hence a lousy relationship with parents for a few years. If your children have a good relationship with you through their teen years, there is probably something wrong with them - but do not be tempted to take them to a shrink - he will almost certainly be potty and make them worse, as psychiatry / psychology is not true science but largely mumbo jumbo.

Answer 6

I have a 16 year old, he is my step son but I feel like he is mine I have raised him ..........

Last night I took him out on his own and we arrived at a pub not in our area and we sat and talked not lectured we talked all night....

I discovered how much we don't talk which is a shame and found out how he feels about things what he dislikes about me and vice versa..........We have both decided to help change things to help a more harmonious house....

I really enjoyed spending the time with him, and I know he liked being treated like an adult.....

With regards to the Aspergers just talk and ask him how he feels it affects his life and if it makes daily life difficult to cope with....Socialising and making friends etc he might be being bullied....

I hope this helps xxx

There alot of Aspergers groups that can help but if its a mild form you may not feel that its necessary

Answer 7

First get him to the Dr. find out for sure what it is. Then talk ! The more time and talking you do will better able you to assess when and how to broach the questions you need too. In a car is a really good place to talk - nether of you need to look at each other and for some reason that's easier. My boy is 17 and the car is our time. I have driven 10 to 20 miles over what we had intended to so we could talk. good luck to you both.

Answer 8

Teens are harder than little ones. They are so independant that they feel your interest in thier day is an intrusion. The easiest way to get them to talk to you, is if you are both doing something. Cooking or a family project..it can be anything...painting a wall or dusting..washing the dishes while he dries....and then while you are both busy in the activity ask him how his day was. Let him know you are there to listen whenever... It takes the pressure off of him and its much less intimidating than sitting across a table looking at each other. Which is usually how the parents express that the teen is in trouble.

Answer 9

Just be supportive and Loving!!! Thats all that you can do. Try to lead him in the right direction, but it may not always be what you want. Try to find him a positive male role model to talk with, be it a teacher or coach at school maybe then he will open up.

Answer 10

At the age between 13 ish till 16-17 ish kids are tends to have some signs of autism especially with emotion reading. If he did talk to you before - try don't push him, give him a space but be available for talk.If he didn't talk with you about his problems for a long while..... it may be a bit late. One thing for sure: don't try to ask his friends about him ( my friend just done that regarding her son.... It is a disaster).